


Knowing, loving you

by comeon_toparadise



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-06-05 14:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 48,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15172502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comeon_toparadise/pseuds/comeon_toparadise
Summary: felix lee is an introvert. he's kinda shy, kinda awkward, and he doesn't know what college has in store for him.meet seo changbin. he's the complete opposite of felix. he's loud, extraverted, and has numerous friends. and there's one more thing: he's complicated.but as they say, opposites attract, right?





	1. seo changbin

**"I HAVE** a feeling that this year's gonna be a blast!"

Felix looked away from the window that he was staring out of, and faced his older sister. "Why?"

"Why are you not enthusiastic about this? My younger brother's going to the same college as I am," Rachel sing-songed, a huge grin present on her face.

Felix couldn't bring himself to share in her excitement, however. He was going to be in a completely new environment that was different from high school (he was a _college_ student now), and this would be another opportunity for him to embarrass himself because of his struggling Korean vocabulary, and completely drive away potential friends.

"You're doing it again," Rachel commented, shooting Felix a passing glance.

Felix wanted to turn on the radio at that moment, to prevent himself from the inevitable awkward pep talk that his sister was about to do. He reached out his hand to touch it, but Rachel spoke up before his hands could get within five centimeters away.

"Your eyebrows are furrowed in thought and your face looks anxious."

Felix stared at his hands, because she was right, once again.

"Stop being worried. You'll be fine," Rachel continued.

Felix wanted to tell her that he couldn't just _stop_ being worried. It was _her_ who had nothing to be worried about, because she was friendly, and she had no problem talking to people and making friends. He wasn't like her. He was awkward, jumbled and stuttered his sentences way too often, and he often retreated to himself.

Instead, he just nodded. "Okay."

"People in college are way nicer than high schoolers, _trust_ me," Rachel was saying again. "And people know me, so chances are they'll know you too."

 _Great, even more attention_ , Felix thought. He sank further into his seat, blocking out a majority of what his sister said afterwards.

_______

 

"We're here, Felix." Rachel's voice snapped Felix out of his daydream, and when his eyes fell on the building a few feet away, he felt his stomach drop.

 

He was all nerves, and for a second he considered staying in the car and telling Rachel to drive him back home. But he couldn't do that. 

 

The college, Sowon Academy, stood tall in all its (assumed) glory. Students entered and exited the doors, and a majority of them were practically strangers to Felix.

 

Felix brought out his backpack, gripping the material to try and ignore the anxiety he felt. He opened the door, and became immediately surrounded by the cool air. 

 

Autumn leaves were falling from the trees that surrounded the school. They were dyed an excellent golden brown, and Felix would've admired them if he wasn't too busy trying to will his nerves away. 

 

Rachel followed behind him. "We came early so that you can get your schedule. Classes start at around eight, but you probably already knew that."

 

"Yep," Felix responded, flinging his bag over his shoulders. His sneakers crunched on the dry leaves present, and he focused on them to avoid the eyes of the people that were undoubtedly watching him now. 

 

They made it inside the college without any interruptions, and Felix's heart was now beating at a steady pace.

 

"Rachel!" A female voice squealed, and soon enough Felix's sister was engulfed in what looked like a bone crushing hug. 

 

Felix slightly took a step back, focusing on the ground, which had suddenly became a thousand times more interesting.

 

"Hi, Jennie! How was your summer?" Rachel asked, grinning at the dark haired female. 

 

This was _exactly_ what Felix dreaded. Small talk. Soon enough, he'd have to face the unavoidable, which meant he was going to get included into their conversation any second now. 

 

"Who is this? Rachel, is this your brother?"

 

_Bingo_.

 

"Yeah. My younger brother, Felix."

 

Felix looked up, briefly meeting Jennie's friendly eyes before muttering a small, "Hi".

 

"Oh my gosh, he's so cute!" Jennie told Rachel, before looking at Felix again. "You're so cute."

 

"Thank you." Felix was glad he didn't stutter this time. He looked around him as his sister and her friend talked some more, wondering when the conversation was going to be over.

 

"Gotta take Felix to the office to get his schedule," Rachel finally said, and Jennie nodded in understanding before joining her other friends. 

 

Felix followed his older sister as she took him where they needed to go, subconciously hiding behind her when the other students glanced at him curiously, even though he was taller.

 

He'd fixed his grey beanie too many times to count, and when he got his schedule, he fixed it again. 

 

"You're gonna have a good day today," Rachel told him. "When you need me, you know where to find me. I'm almost always in the science labs."

 

"I hope so," Felix muttered, checking his wrist watch for the time. _Shit_. It was nearing eight, and his first class, Intro to Psychology, was already in sight. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

 

"No cussing," Rachel laughed, lightly smacking her brother's arm. "Hey, Felix."

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Look at me."

 

Felix looked at his sister, and she shot him an encouraging smile. "Good luck today, Felix. And you'll be fine, I promise. I _believe_ in you."

 

Felix smiled, not taking his sister's words seriously because of the smirk she carried. "Okay, noona."

 

"Stop. Don't use honourifics with me," Rachel jokingly warned, patting Felix's back. When he nodded, she exclaimed a, "See you!" and she walked away.

 

Felix breathed in and out in front of the door. He was glad the door wasn't made of glass, because he didn't want anyone to think he was a creep that stared everyone down. 

 

He must've took too long standing there, because a short girl with an even shorter bob stared at him worriedly before entering the class herself.

 

Felix decided to suck it up, and opened the door to enter. He was struck with how wide and spaceous the class looked, and a few students were already there.

 

Some landed their eyes on Felix, but soon looked away after a few seconds because they got bored with how plain Felix looked. At least, that's what he thought.

 

He scurried to the back of the class and sat down, placing his bag on the table and hiding his face from everyone.

 

Beanie fixing count: no. 23526

 

"Psst. Psst." 

 

Felix looked up from his bag and turned to his right, where he spotted a grinning guy with slightly messy brown hair looking at him. 

 

"Hey," the guy whisper-yelled. "You have your Psychology text book with you, right?"

 

"Uh, y-yeah," Felix cleared his throat. He pulled out said text book, giving it to the unnamed male before the guy shook his head. 

 

"Just want us to share. I don't really know anyone else here."

 

"But you don't know me," Felix said, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

 

Smiling guy laughed. "You're right. I just wanted to talk to you."

 

Felix looked down, staring at the cover of his Psychology text book. "Oh. Okay."

 

"Name's Han Jisung," the guy, 'Jisung', introduced himself, holding out his hand to shake. Felix stared at his hand, before shaking it. "My dumb friend Changbin lent my own book earlier because he lost it, and he forgot to give it back."

 

"Lee Felix," Felix told him.

 

"Are you foreign?" Jisung asked.

 

"Yeah...from Australia."

 

"Cool!"

 

"Thanks..."

 

This Jisung guy was obviously a talker. He's bright and energetic, and strayed off-topic really often. Felix tried to catch up with his words too many times to count, but Jisung's words often went through one ear and out the other. 

 

The professor wasn't there yet, and more students pulled up around the class, chatting with each other.

 

"Wait, I'm kind of rambling, aren't I?" Jisung asked Felix, before laughing to himself.

 

"Well, I guess," Felix shrugged. He was glad that he wasn't stumbling over his Korean this time, since Jisung was too welcoming for him to feel nervous around him.

 

Jisung nodded, before opening up his note book. "Sorry, I tend to do that a lot. People get annoyed at it."

 

"I'm not annoyed," Felix almost shouted, "I-I mean--it's not annoying. You talk a lot, and it's okay."

 

Jisung stared at him for some moments, before breaking out into a grin. "That's...really nice of you, Felix.

 

The door to the class opened and two people entered, immediately diverting Jisung's attention from Felix to them.

 

Jisung started waving those people over, and Felix found his eyes following Jisung's.

 

One guy was shorter than the other, and the taller had bright red hair, which stood out amongst the other students. The shorter dressed in all black, and a hoodie obscurred most of his features.

 

They both spotted Jisung, and started walking over, to Felix's dismay. They were probably Jisung's friends, which meant that they were going to see Felix soon, and possibly speak to him. 

 

He didn't really welcome that idea, but it was too late now.

 

Red head sat down in front of Jisung, and the hooded male stood in front of Felix.

 

"Do you...do you want to seat here?" Felix asked him. He was already standing up when the guy placed a hand on his shoulders, stopping him. 

 

"No, it's okay." The guy chirped, pulling down his hood to reveal his face.

 

Felix immediately observed the guy's features. He was goodlooking, with a sculpted jawline and friendly eyes. His black hair complemented his face nicely, and he was smiling at whatever Jisung was saying.

 

_Shit_ , Felix realized. _He was_ _staring!_

 

Felix quickly averted his eyes away from the male before the latter could catch him staring, and focused his eyes on his books instead. 

 

"Dude, where the heck is my psychology book?" Jisung asked him.

 

"Shit. I kinda forgot it," Hooded guy answered, before taking a seat, _right next_ to Felix.

 

"I'm not even surprised," Jisung answered, before Red head turned around and told Jisung that he could share with him.

 

"Oh! Right," Jisung exclaimed, as if he suddenly realized something. He glanced at Felix, before looking back at his friends. "Guys, this is Lee Felix. Felix, this is Kim Seungmin--"

 

The red head smiled and waved, which Felix returned without making a fool out of himself.

 

"--and that's Seo Changbin, the dumb friend I was talking about."

 

_Changbin, Changbin, Changbin_ , Felix inwardly repeated over and over again. He now knew the hooded guy's name, and now he suddenly didn't know how to face him.

 

"Hey!" Changbin said defensively. "I'm not dumb. Felix, don't listen to him."

 

Hearing Changbin say his name made something twist and turn inside Felix's chest. The Australian just dismissed it as his nerves talking.

 

Felix managed to stare at Changbin, before forcing a tight smile. "Right. Got it."

 

It was hard to maintain eye contact with Changbin, Felix realized. It wasn't like Changbin was intimidating--okay, maybe he _was_ a little bit--and it wasn't like he was mean or rude. 

 

Changbin's eyes were just too mesmerizing, and they stared Felix down like they were observing every part of him. 

 

Class soon started, but Felix couldn't concentrate on the professor. Changbin's presence was just too strong to ignore, and they even had to share the same freaking text book, which meant that his and Changbin's shoulders and arms _brushed_ against each other's for a huge portion of the class.

 

And there was also the way Changbin constantly stared at Felix, even when Felix could see him. He paid close attention to whatever Felix said or did, and Felix really, _really_ found it hard not to do anything stupid with Changbin's eyes always on him. 

 

Felix didn't know when the class finished, but when other students started standing up, he found himself following their actions too. 

 

"Thanks for sharing your book with me," Changbin said, stepping in front of Felix. Felix stopped moving, finding that the shorter's body was too close to his.

 

"U-Uh, y-yeah." _Great_ , his stutter was back. Changbin grinned, momentarily catching Felix off-guard because _wow_ , his smile was beautiful.

 

"Let me see your schedule," Changbin said, catching Felix off-guard again. Felix quickly nodded, digging into his bag and bringing out the piece of paper.

 

Changbin stared at it. "Cool. We also have Math together." He looked up at Felix, and smiled. "I'll take you to Art. It's kinda tricky to find the class."

 

"What about your classes?" Felix asked, a bit surprised at Changbin's kind offer.

 

"Don't have any classes for the next two hours, so," Changbin shrugged.

 

"Seungmin and I are gonna hang out by the library for a bit," Jisung suddenly showed up, looking at Changbin. "You coming?"

 

"Later. I'm gonna take Felix to his next class."

 

Jisung smirked, before remarking to Felix, "You're already getting special privileges, I see."

 

Felix's cheeks burned, but Changbin answered Jisung instead.

 

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Felix, let's go."

 

Felix's heartbeat accelerated when Changbin suddenly held his hand and pulled him out of the class, Jisung and Seungmin laughing with themselves behind him.

 

Changbin's hand was soft and warm, and did Felix already mention that they were holding hands?

  
"Jisung can be a handful, right?" Changbin said, bringing Felix out of his thoughts. He was _still_ holding Felix's hand.

Felix cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Uh, yeah. It's okay though."

Changbin was watching him again. "You're not that much of a talker, are you?"

"So I've been told."

Changbin chuckled, before walking again. "It's cute."

 _Darn it_. Felix's cheeks were burning. Again. 


	2. jin's delights

**"OKAY."** **CHANGBIN** stood beside Felix at the Art class, which just so happened to be behind the school. And it wasn't a class, it was more like a small building. "There it is."

Just how many people were in this place?

The walk from the college to the building was shorter than Felix would've preferred. Changbin'd let his hand go in the middle of the journey to explain something, and Felix's hand felt strangely cold throughout the way.

They were also interrupted by numerous students, all of who seemed to know Changbin really well, and it sort of frustrated Felix since Changbin'd cut off their conversation to talk to those strangers instead.

"T-Thank you," Felix answered, because he somehow couldn't stop being nervous around the shorter, and Changbin nodded.

"No problem, Felix." He dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Changbin started to leave, and Felix didn't exactly want that. He blamed it on his class not starting until after ten minutes, and he never realized how much small talk mattered until then.

 _Felix, do something_ , his mind berated him.

"I--uh, you seem to know your way around the school really well."

_What the fuck was that?_

Changbin stopped, before turning around. He walked back to where Felix stood, and Felix mentally cheered.

"Yeah. My sister used to attend this college. And when I was still in high school, I always followed her here after school." Changbin shrugged and smiled.

"My sister goes here too."

Changbin narrowed his eyes in thought. "Wait. Your name's Lee Felix. Are you a foreigner?"

Everyone always asked Felix that whenever they knew about his name. Then, he'd say he was from Australia, and they'd be amazed, and then the conversation would die after, because Felix couldn't keep their attention for long.

"Yeah," Felix nodded. "I'm from Australia."

Changbin's smile transformed into a grin, and Felix couldn't help but stare again because his grin was just so damn nice. "So you're like, really good in English, right?"

"Yeah."

"Wait!" Changbin almost exclaimed in realization, and the little jump he did shocked Felix. Because not only was it incredibly cute, but it totally didn't match with Changbin's looks. "You're Lee Rachel's little brother, right?"

Everyone really _did_ seem to know Rachel.

"You're right."

"I knew you looked kinda familiar when I saw you," Changbin continued. He fixed Felix with that inquisitive look again, and Felix hoped that he wasn't blushing.

"Yeah. We look alike." Felix already managed to make this conversation turn awkward. If it wasn't his stuttering, it was how his voice lacked complete enthusiasm when he didn't know what else to say.

If Changbin noticed this, he didn't comment on it. "Okay. I'll _definitely_ see you later, Felix." He leaned closer, lowering his voice in the process. "Try not to miss me too much."

Felix tried so hard not to choke on his saliva. He quickly nodded. "O-Okay."

"I was just kidding." Changbin playfully shoved his shoulder.

Felix nodded again, but he could totally feel how hot his cheeks were. "Alright. I'll, uh, see you later, Changbin."

Felix managed a grin, because he didn't want to look unfriendly and unwelcoming (because some people at his high school told him he had a habit of unknowingly glaring at them sometimes).

Maybe Felix looked _too_ welcoming, because Changbin paused whatever he was doing and was just staring at him again.

Before Felix could say anything, Changbin snapped out of whatever reverie he was in. "Okay. See you later, Felix."

"Yeah, bye."

Changbin was already a few feet away when he turned around. "Bye!"

Felix kept on watching him until Changbin entered the main college building, before realizing that he had to go to Art.

Entering the small building, he realized why the subject required a seperate area for itself. 'Art' was seperated into different components: The _actual_ art, Singing, Dance, and Theatre. Each area had its own room, with a header in front of the door to showcase which room was which.

Felix hesitated before entering the one labeled 'Dance'.

Students were already piled up in the wide room. There were the people who were chatting, and the people who stood by themselves, and there were the people who were already dancing.

Another unknown fact about Felix: He liked dancing. It was one of the few things he was actually good at, and was determined enough to master.

Sowon Academy required its Dance students to send an audition tape to them during the summer to know whether they were good enough to be in the class, and Felix had been extremely nervous the week leading up to his audition.

Felix was in this class though, which meant that he'd gotten approved. He quickly made his way towards the area where the students inserted their bags, dropping his own there too.

"Hey, haven't seen you around here before," Someone said, gathering Felix's attention.

Felix turned around, meeting another guy's face. "Oh. Well, I'm a freshman."

"Me too," the guy answered.

He was pretty, Felix realized. His skin was super smooth (like, Korean skin care tutorials smooth), with thick pink lips that worked well with his face.

He was also tall and lean, which most dancers seemed to be these days.

"So, what's your name?" The guy asked, his kind eyes crinkling at the sides. "You kind of look like somebody I already know."

 _It's probably Rachel_. "I'm Felix. Lee Felix."

"That's cool. And I dig your voice," the guy responded. "It's great."

"Thank you." There were people who weren't interested in Felix because of where he came from, but because of his voice. Simply put it, his voice was deep (puberty picking favourites), and he personally didn't care for it much, but a lot of people seemed to like it.

"You're welcome. I'm Hwang Hyunjin."

"Nice to meet you," Felix smiled at Hyunjin, and the guy nodded in response.

"You too. I feel like this class's gonna suck."

"Why?"

"Rumour has it that some old and strict dude's gonna be teaching us this year. If there's anything I hate, it's strict teachers."

Felix had to agree with Hyunjin on that. When the class started, Hyunjin often stuck to Felix's side when they did the basics and practiced new choreography. The teacher wasn't old, but he _was_ strict, and Hyunjin's hilarious side comments about him made the class a bit more bearable. Felix often found himself biting back giggles and laughter from the watchful eyes of their instructor.

Hyunjin seemed to like Felix's company too, and paired up with Felix when the class was given a dance project to do already.

The next classes passed by like a blur, since the people he knew, like Jisung, Seungmin, and Hyunjin weren't there. Changbin wasn't present either, which both disappointed Felix and relieved him.

When lunch rolled around, Felix found himself getting lost for the nth time again.

He was gradually getting frustrated, he didn't feel like asking anyone for help, and he didn't want to burden Rachel with his problems.

"Felix!"

Felix turned around so fast that he almost got a whiplash to see Changbin at the distance, waving at him.

Felix couldn't walk over to Changbin, because Changbin was already standing in front of him. "Hey, Changbin."

"Hi."

"Uh," Felix rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm...kinda lost."

Changbin stared at him, before releasing one of his soft smiles. "I kind of figured it out by the way you looked like a lost puppy wandering around."

"I really look _that_ lost?"

Changbin laughed. "Yeah." He looked around. "Since it's already lunch, why don't you follow me to where my friends and I usually hang out?"

"Sure. Okay."

Felix's heart practically jumped when Changbin intertwined his hand with his again. He didn't even know if Changbin realized what he was doing, but he liked it, so he wasn't going to say anything.

Where Changbin and his friends hung out turned out to be a restaurant of some sort, named 'Jin's Delights', and it looked like several students also chose that place to camp in.

With that tasty smell of food wafting through the walls, Felix couldn't blame them for choosing that place to have their lunch in.

Felix spotted Jisung and Seungmin at the corner talking with themselves, and soon Felix found himself seated beside Seungmin and Changbin sat next to Jisung.

"Hey guys," Felix greeted, not knowing what else to say. Jisung and Seungmin seemed friendly enough, but he didn't know if they'd immediately welcome him into their friend circle that easily.

"Hi!" Jisung beamed, before chewing on his burger and simultaneously ignoring Felix.

"You're being really fucking rude right now," Changbin joked, punching Jisung on his shoulder.

"No, it's fine," Felix said, before staring at the table.

"See?" Jisung defended himself.

"Felix is too nice for a roach like you."

"Felix, Changbin's the rude one. He called me a roach!" Jisung whined, getting a laugh out of Felix.

Seungmin rolled his eyes at the both of them. "Felix, do you want anything? It's on me."

Felix's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"You were never this nice to us, Seungmin," Jisung remarked. "Is this really you, or is this the nicer clone?"

"Fuck off." Seungmin faced Felix again. "Yeah, it's on me."

"Seungmin!" Jisung whined, and Changbin started laughing.

Felix just pointed to what seemed nice on the menu (since he wasn't too familiar with Korean food terms), and Seungmin nodded in understanding.

Felix watched as Seungmin made his way to the ordering line, and zoned in to Jisung's and Changbin's conversation.

"You're gonna buy your food now, right?" Jisung asked, biting into his burger again. "Or are you waiting for him to come?"

Changbin lightly smacked Jisung's shoulder, and Jisung burst into a fit of giggles.

Felix didn't know what they were talking about, and even if he was curious, he knew it was none of his business.

"I'm not eating yet," Changbin answered. Then he glanced at Felix, a smile overtaking his face. "How do you like this place so far, Felix?"

Felix smiled back. "It's great." He didn't mind Changbin's attention on him. In fact, he liked it. A lot. "Really great."

Jisung eyes moved between the two of them, but he didn't say anything.

Felix heard the door open just as Seungmin made it back with Felix's food, and after Felix thanked the red head, he registered a new face at the table.

It was Hyunjin, and he was saying something to Changbin while Changbin had the biggest smile on his face.

"He didn't order before you came, again," Jisung said, sighing dramatically.

"Really?" Hyunjin asked, seating beside Changbin. "Why?"

"I like waiting for you, spare me," Changbin giggled.

Felix's insides flipped at how Hyunjin and Changbin acted around each other. If he didn't know better, he might've thought they were in some kind of relationship. He _did_ know better, _right_?

Hyunjin stole one of Jisung's fries before planting a kiss on Changbin's lips.

 _Oh_.

"You guys are so fucking gross," Seungmin complained, throwing a fry at Hyunjin and Changbin. "Kill me now."

Jisung whooped really loudly, but Felix wasn't paying any attention to him.

Felix avoided looking at Hyunjin and Changbin. He must've read the signs wrong, because for a second there, he actually thought that Changbin was maybe interested in him. Now, Felix knew he was wrong. _Totally wrong_.

"Hey, Felix. You're here!"

Felix looked up, meeting Hyunjin's eyes. He nodded, giving a tight smile and not really feeling like speaking. "Yeah, I am."

It was hard looking at Hyunjin, since his arm was wrapped around Changbin's side, and Changbin kept shooting him these brief glances when he thought Felix wasn't looking.

Felix fixed his beanie again, not in the mood to eat anything.

Felix counted the seconds until lunch was over, because he really couldn't deal with Hyunjin and Changbin acting all lovey-dovey with each other, and he wanted to escape Changbin's unreadable stares as soon as possible.


	3. dorm room

**TO** **FELIX'S** luck, he had Math right after lunch with Jisung and Seungmin, which meant that Changbin and Hyunjin tagged along too.

Everyone acted normally, bringing Felix into their conversation here and there, and Hyunjin and Changbin acted like how friends would, which made Felix think that maybe he hallucinated what happened at that restaurant.

When the teacher told the class to copy down the equations on the dry erase board, Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin started talking with each other, which left Felix alone with Changbin.

Felix focused on copying down those equations, but after a while he grew increasingly aware of Changbin's eyes on him.

Before, feeling the shorter's eyes on him made Felix feel nervous, and kind of flattered, but now, he just felt uneasy and distracted.

"You're tense," Changbin stated.

Felix turned to watch him. "I--yeah."

Changbin flashed a grin that made Felix's stomach flip. "Can I ask what's wrong?"

 _I can't tell you when it's about you and Hyunjin._ "Nothing's wrong. Just tired," Felix lied. Changbin nodded, and Felix faced his notes again.

Maybe Changbin was just super nice? Maybe that was why Felix mistook his kindness for something more.

Felix practically gave up on answering those equations after half an hour, feeling extremely tired of the subject and the teacher's boring, monotone voice.

Even with only another half an hour to go, Felix felt like the class was taking forever. It wasn't like he got what the teacher said anyway. He just wanted the day to be over.

"Need help?" Changbin asked. When Felix faced him, he tapped his head with his pen. "I happen to be very good at Math."

Felix wanted to say that he was okay, but he knew that would just lead to more questions from Changbin, and Felix was already lost on whatever the professor was saying. So, he nodded. "Okay, thanks."

Hence began the physical contact. Changbin's touch burned, and everytime their shoulders, arms or thighs brushed, Felix found his breath hitching. When Changbin explained the stuff, Felix watched his soft looking lips move. When Changbin leaned in to ask if Felix understood, Felix would only nod because he knew that if he spoke, his words would just be a jumbled mess.

And when Changbin was so close that their heads were just a few centimeters away, and flashed that beautiful grin at Felix-- _Jesus_.

Felix didn't know how he managed to survive Math.

"You're gonna sign up for dorm rooms, right? Or you have one already?" Jisung'd asked Felix as soon as they stepped out from the class.

Seungmin had retracted to himself, listening to something with his headphones, and Changbin and Hyunjin were at one side, talking to themselves.

Looking at them made something bitter rise within Felix, so he tried really hard not to watch them.

"Well, I dunno. Maybe." Felix didn't know what to feel about school dorms. He guessed that he'd end up having a roommate, but what if he and the person didn't get along? What if their personalities clashed? Felix wasn't too keen on sharing his personal space with a stranger.

"Don't be worried. You can even end up being my roommate," Jisung said, giving an overexaggerated wink at Felix.

Felix shrugged. "I don't know how to feel about that."

Jisung looked offended, but he probably didn't take Felix's words seriously.

Felix's eyes went back to Changbin and Hyunjin again.

What were they talking about? And why couldn't he hear them?

Hyunjin was saying something, and Changbin appeared to be listening to it, staring down at the floor. He suddenly looked up, and Felix swore his heart stopped because Changbin _caught him staring_.

Heat rushed to Felix's cheeks, because he knew that Changbin _definitely_ saw him, and now the shorter probably thought he was weird.

Felix fixed his beanie one more time.

He felt incredibly embarrassed, and practically ignored everyone until he finished all his classes for the day.

_______

  
_Where did Rachel say to meet her if I needed her?_ Felix asked himself as he walked through the college grounds.

Right. Rachel said that she was almost always at the science lab, and Felix had caught sight of where it was located during his orientation.

It wasn't hard to find it, and, ignoring the nerds staring his way, he entered the room, looking for his older sister.

Rachel was perched on a seat, leaning her elbows on her desk. The place was almost empty, and it looked like she had apparently dozed off.

This would've been a perfect blackmail opportunity, but Felix's phone was dead as he'd used all its battery playing games below his desk during the most boring class ever, Statistics.

"Rachel."

Rachel didn't move an inch.

"Rachel!"

Rachel's head shot up, and she shot Felix a confused look before smiling.

"Are you awake now?" Felix asked, not really in the most patient mood.

She gave Felix a thumbs up and quietly stood up from the desk. Felix wondered how she could deal with chemicals and equations all day like that. It must've been torture.

Since he and Rachel were alone now, he could comfortably speak English with her without feeling judged.

"I...need your help."

"Yeah. What is it?"

"One of the guys in my class, Jisung--"

"You made a _friend_ already?" The way Rachel said the word 'friend' made it seem like such a foreign concept to talk about, and it slightly offended Felix.

"Yes. A friend. Jisung said that I could sign up for dorm rooms if I was interested. Should I?"

Rachel just stared at Felix, before shooting him a wide grin. "Sure. If you want to. I totally recommend it, though, even if I'm not signing up this year."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you should."

"But...what if I don't like the person I get paired up with?"

"If you don't like them you can totally ask the office to swith you with someone else."

Their talk got interrupted when another Science student came in, and Rachel decided to pack her bags then and walked outside with Felix.

"So, are you going to sign up?" Rachel asked.

For a second, the possibility of Changbin being Felix's roommate flashed through his mind, and even though he knew that he shouldn't think that way (since Changbin seemed to be already taken by Hyunjin), it still played a huge part in Felix's final decision.

_______

 

Felix ended up with Jisung as his roommate.

 

Sure, it wasn't _all_ bad, since Jisung was nice and Felix liked his personality, but Felix couldn't help but feel a pinch of disappointment. 

 

On the bright side, Jisung was Changbin's friend after all, so Changbin would still be allowed to enter his dorm. Felix also didn't mind the dorm that much. It was nice, and he even had his own room, which was a plus. 

 

Felix actually preferred his own home more, but he knew that he had to step out of his comfort zone sooner or later. 

 

And he was actually making friends now, which was still a surreal thing to think about.

 

_______

 

Today was Friday, and Felix barely had any classes that day, so he spent his time on his bed, going over what happened throughout the week. 

 

He never actually talked that much to Changbin after the staring incident, and there had been no more moments between Changbin and Hyunjin to indicate that they were more than just friends. 

 

Assignments, projects and new topics mixed and matched in Felix's head, but then they disintegrated until one thing, and one thing alone was present.

 

_Changbin_.

 

Felix _really_ should stop thinking about him. He had no right to. They were just friends, and they were probably going to stay that way. Plus, Changbin was in a relationship with Hyunjin, which meant that he was off-limits. 

 

It drove Felix crazy just thinking about it, but there was nothing he could do. He could never hate Hyunjin, because the guy was really friendly, and treated him extremely well. Hyunjin was really goodlooking too, and Felix could never compete with him on terms like that.

 

Felix was just awkward from start to finish, and no one liked awkward people.

 

Felix sighed, turning on his bed. The dorm was quiet, since Jisung was off to somewhere he didn't know about, and Felix barely left his room when he didn't have classes.

 

A knock on the dorm's door alerted Felix, and he stood up and left his room, wondering who was behind that door. 

 

Fortunately, Felix could look through the window to know who it was without the person knowing. 

 

Unfortunately, that person turned out to be Seo _freaking_ Changbin.

 

Felix inwardly cursed before mentally preparing himself to open the door. He fixed up his hair, because he _knew_ his hair became messy at the least convenient moment, but when his hair kept bugging him, he just put on his beanie instead.

 

He quickly opened the door because he didn't want Changbin to wait too long outside. 

 

"Hi," Felix breathed out. 

 

Changbin was just dressed in a simple black tshirt and jeans, but he still looked amazing. His arms were on display and _holy shit_ , Changbin was ripped.

 

Felix tried not to hyperventilate. 

 

Changbin looked kind of surprised to see Felix, but he quickly recovered from it. "Hi, Felix." He held up a plastic bag with food inside. "I brought take out, courtesy of Jisung. Where is he?"

 

Felix wondered if it'd be a good idea to tell Changbin the truth about Jisung's whereabouts. He wondered if that would make Changbin leave, since he wasn't actually here for Felix.

  
"Uh, Jisung's out." _Shit_ , Felix's mouth always liked telling the truth.

"I knew he'd do something like this." Changbin looked around the dorm, before asking if he could come in.

Obviously, Changbin could come in. Felix found it oddly endearing how Changbin asked for permission even when he was entitled to something. Changbin had good manners, and Felix found himself crushing on the shorter male a lot harder.

"Since Jisung's not here, we can just share the food, and leave the rest for him. Sounds good?"

Felix quickly nodded, because he'd nod at anything Changbin asked of him, and joined him at the table where he and Jisung usually ate their food.

Jisung's laptop was there, and Felix concealed his surprise when Changbin opened it up and typed in the passcode, which gave him and Felix full access to it.

"Are you sure you should be doing that?" Felix found himself asking.

"Yeah. Everyone knows his passcode. And it's revenge for making me come here when he's not even around." Changbin faced Felix. "Not that I'm complaining."

Felix's hands touched his beanie as he averted his eyes from Changbin's. What was Changbin doing to him?

"We can watch a movie," Changbin suggested, oblivious to Felix's inner turmoil. "That's okay, right?"

"S-Sure."

Changbin smiled. "Cool."

Changbin pulled up a random movie, and Felix took out the packages of food from the plastic bag. Felix never had a problem eating in front of people, but not everyone was Seo Changbin.

When Felix felt nervous, his hands shook. He'd become clumsier, less coordinated, and he'd act like an overall hot mess.

So when he and Changbin dug in the food (with Changbin managing to make eating chicken look _graceful_ ), he rarely ate anything. He also couldn't focus on the movie due to how nervous he felt.

Changbin was just there; _everywhere_. Felix couldn't simply erase his presence, and they were seated right next to each other, which meant that their thighs were touching _again_.

 

_Fuck_.

 

"Hey," Changbin said half-way through the movie that Felix still didn't know the name of, "you've got a little something on your lips."

 

Felix wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He touched his face. "W-Where?"

 

But Changbin didn't say anything else, because he was now a few _centimeters_ away from Felix's face, softly brushing away whatever was on his lips with his thumb. 

 

Felix couldn't move with Changbin's face so close to his. His eyes fought to stay on Changbin's eyes, but they soon fell on his lips, which looked really nice and really plump and _really_ inviting.

 

Changbin had taken out what was on Felix's lips quite some time ago, but his hand was still placed on Felix's face. Felix could've imagined it, but he swore Changbin's eyes glanced at his lips at least once. 

 

Changbin could've done anything then. He could've done nothing, or he could've leaned in and connected their lips (which Felix wouldn't mind happening at all). 

 

But, Changbin quickly pulled away, before settling his eyes on the laptop screen. "T-This movie's still on?"

 

This was the first time Felix heard Changbin stutter, and he would've found it amusing if he wasn't in this kind of situation.

 

"Yeah, it is..." 

 

An awkward silence filled the room. 

 

Changbin abruptly stood up, packing the remainder of the food back into the plastic bag and throwing the rest in the trash.

 

Felix helped him, but once their fingers brushed one too many times, he stopped. 

 

"Um, I'll see you later, Felix," Changbin said, walking towards the door. "Tell Jisung I was here when he comes back."

 

Felix nodded. Something akin to butterflies flew around his stomach when Changbin smiled at him before leaving the dorm.

 

Felix bit his lip. He could still feel where Changbin touched him.

 

 


	4. group projects

**FELIX DIDN'T** know how to approach Changbin for the next few days.

What happened between them at his dorm went unspoken, and Felix guessed that Changbin wasn't going to bring it up anytime soon.

Which kind of sucked, because while Changbin looked completely unaffected by what happened, Felix couldn't stop thinking about it.

Changbin could've moved his thumb away immediately after he'd wiped food off Felix's lips, but he didn't. He kept them there for a few seconds more, and he and Felix had engaged in some sort of staring contest in the process.

And Felix _did_ see Changbin stare at his lips, which _should_ mean something, right?

God. Felix should really stop overthinking this. He shouldn't even be thinking about it, period.

He was supposed to be practising his choreography with Hyunjin at the spare dance studio, but here he was, thinking about someone he couldn't have.

"You're getting distracted, again," Hyunjin said beside him. Felix faced the taller and saw how worried he looked. "Anything on your mind?"

 _Changbin_. "N-No," Felix cleared his throat, "I'll get the dance moves soon, I promise."

Hyunjin went across the room and grabbed his bottle of water, drinking it. "Maybe we should stop for today. We can always continue later."

"Yeah, sure."

After almost two hours of practising their self-made choreography, Hyunjin still managed to look flawless even when he was sweaty.

And Felix, _well_ , he didn't even want to look at himself.

Hyunjin took out a spare water bottle, and tossed it at Felix. "Here. I didn't see you bring your own."

"Thanks, Hyunjin." _See?_ Hyunjin was super nice, which made everything a whole lot more difficult.

Felix couldn't just go and tell Hyunjin, ' _Hey, I may have a crush on your boyfriend and I kinda want him for myself. Sorry_ '.

Felix wouldn't even see the end of that, because he'd be knocked out, and worse, Hyunjin would hate him forever.

Felix sighed. This was just too complicated.

_______

 

Felix winced when a ball of paper hit his head during Math. He didn't know who sent it, and the action reminded him of high school, where he had been the target of numerous paper balls.

 

_Good memories_.

 

He stared at the paper on the floor, and picked it up. When the professor wasn't staring in his direction, he opened it up.

 

_Jisung: Psych notes plz??_

 

Turning around, he spotted Jisung at the far back giving him a thumbs up. 

 

Felix briefly nodded, before turning towards the front.

 

Felix wasn't seated close to Jisung and the rest as usual today. He blamed it on wanting his thoughts straightened out, but in reality he just wanted to stay away from Changbin and Hyunjin.

 

_It wasn't like Changbin would care, anyway_ , Felix thought, _Changbin would be too busy making out with Hyunjin._

 

This was exactly why Felix needed space from Changbin. He always got bitter whenever he thought about Changbin and Hyunjin together, and it really affected his mood.

 

It was kind of pathetic, really, with the way Felix liked Changbin, even though the shorter didn't feel the same way. _Of course_ Felix had to like someone that wouldn't return his feelings. That was a classic Lee Felix move.

 

Beanie fixing count: No. 26636392

 

_______

 

Felix handed Jisung his Psychology notes after he stepped out of Math. 

 

Jisung managed to skip quite a few of the classes, and wasn't at the dorm that much these days anyway. 

 

"Thanks. I owe you one," Jisung said, and Felix nodded. 

 

Today was Wednesday, which meant that he had the psychology class after lunch.

 

"Hey, I think we might have a test today," Felix spoke, getting Jisung's attention immediately. 

 

"Fuck. I guess I have to cram during lunch then." Jisung huffed, before walking towards Changbin and Seungmin, who were near them. "Felix said we might have a test in Psych today."

 

Only Jisung would shorten a subject so he can look cooler. 

 

"I'm not sure," Felix spoke. He turned around, making sure that his eyes were on Seungmin and Jisung only. "I'm just stating a possibility."

 

"Still. It _is_ a possibility," Jisung answered. "Now I wished I never skipped any classes."

 

Seungmin patted Jisung's shoulder, before breaking into a smirk. "You're a master at making bad decisions."

  
Jisung lept into an argument with Seungmin, which meant that Felix was left with Changbin once again.

Which also meant that Felix had to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Hey, Felix."

 _Shit_. Felix practically abandoned his plan. He registered Changbin's body next to his. "Uh, hi."

"You aren't around as much anymore, or is it just my imagination?"

Felix faced Changbin. Changbin smiled at him, and the Australian felt his resolve breaking. He couldn't get angry at the shorter, or ignore him. He just couldn't.

"I mean, I-I'm always at my dorm when I'm not at my classes." That stutter was back at it again. "You can find me there..."

Changbin chuckled. "Sure thing." He flickered his eyes up at Felix. "I'll come whenever I need you."

Changbin was doing that 'observing' thing with his eyes again. This time, a smile was present, which turned Felix's insides to mush.

Shit, his palms were now clammy. He wiped them on his jeans. "Okay." He let out a nervous laugh, before clearing his throat once again. "C-Come anytime you need me...yeah."

Christ. Somebody needed to save Felix before he embarrassed himself further.

Changbin was actually talking to him again, and maybe it was because Hyunjin wasn't present, but Felix swallowed up all the attention. His plan of staying away from Changbin was long gone, replaced by the increasing need to kiss the shorter.

_______

 

Felix turned out to be wrong, because there wasn't a test in Psychology class today.

 

It relieved Felix, because despite having all the notes, he didn't understand a majority of them. 

 

However, the group project the students had to do did _not_ relieve Felix. 

 

He never really liked group projects, since he preferred to do everything by himself. Several misunderstandings happened during group projects, and Felix didn't fancy the thought of getting paired up with someone he didn't like. 

 

And, because the universe hated him so much, and because Felix just generally had bad luck, the professor just _had_ to pair him up with Changbin.

 

And since he was paired up with Changbin, it meant that they'd have to complete the project by themselves. 

 

Alone. 

 

With no one else to interrupt.

 

"Cool! We're partners," Changbin whisper-yelled at Felix when the brown haired male sat down beside him. 

 

Changbin sounded way too enthusiastic about this, and it was just another painful reminder that it was only Felix who was experiencing this confusing cluster of emotions. Changbin was still Changbin, and even though the fact that he seemed unbothered by everything didn't seat well with Felix, Felix still found himself smiling. 

 

It wasn't hard for Felix to smile around Changbin. 

 

"Yeah, we are," Felix grinned, opening up his text book.

 

Changbin placed a hand on Felix's shoulder, which made the male stop his action. "We're gonna get a good grade on this project. I can feel it."

 

"You're very optimistic," Felix laughed, keeping his shoulder in place. He didn't want Changbin to move his hand away.

  
"Yep. You kind of have to be in college." His hand was still there, on Felix's shoulder.

"Yep." Warmth rose in Felix's chest when Changbin's hand was still placed on his shoulder.

But he knew he shouldn't be feeling that way. Seungmin and Jisung were just a few desks away, and they could be seeing what Changbin was doing. But then, it just looked like an innocent touch.

Felix was overthinking things again.

He subtly shrugged his shoulders, which made Changbin drop his hand.

Changbin was looking through his notes now, and Felix tried to focus on his own notes to.

_______

 

Felix watched how he and Hyunjin danced using the mirrors in the dance studio, and felt relieved that he'd managed to remember most of the choreography. 

 

The music they danced to increased in its tempo, and then came the part that Felix always had problems with. However, Felix finished it without failing majorly, and when the music stopped, he collapsed on the floors like a starfish.

 

Hyunjin let out a breathy laugh when he saw Felix's position. "Tired, huh?"

 

Felix nodded. He and Hyunjin had practiced for hours, and it was nearing night time already. 

 

"So you're gonna sleep here tonight?"

 

"I might," Felix joked. He and Hyunjin laughed, and Felix felt drowsy. 

 

So when the door to the studio opened and Changbin stepped in to hug Hyunjin, Felix thought he was imagining it. 

 

"Ew, you're sweaty," Changbin commented, scrunching up his face.

 

"You're the one who hugged me," Hyunjin complained.

 

Nope, it was totally real.

 

Felix's breath got stuck in his throat when Changbin suddenly peered over him. Felix was suddenly self-conscious, because he knew he didn't look too good right now. His hair was probably a mess, and his cheeks tended to get pink after he danced excessively. 

 

"Hey Felix," Changbin greeted with a smile. He'd squatted beside Felix, and Felix struggled to seat up without looking like a fish that needed water. 

 

"Hi." Felix quickly stood up, hating it when Changbin copied his movements. 

 

Both Hyunjin and Changbin were there, which meant that they were going to do their coupley stuff soon, and Felix didn't want to witness it. 

 

"Hey, Felix, the rest of us are going out to get dinner. Wanna come?" Changbin asked just as Felix was about to open the door.

 

Felix turned around, studying the two males in front of him. He couldn't help but think that they looked good together. "No...it's okay. I'm too tired tonight."

 

_______

 

The night was lonely. 

 

After Felix showered and dressed, he'd made some ramen for himself.

 

He wanted to call his sister, but he knew she'd be at home right now catching up on the sleep that she desperately needed.

 

Felix sighed. Maybe he regretted signing up for a dorm now, but he didn't want to go back home. This was a new experience for him, so he was determined to go through with this to the end.

 

He heard a commotion behind the door, and he walked to it, wondering who was behind it.

 

Opening the door, he came across the faces of the people he'd come to know as friends.

 

"Oh hey, Felix!" Jisung exclaimed. "We're kinda here for an impromtu sleepover."

 

"It's not a sleepover. It's a movie night," Seungmin corrected Jisung as he stepped in, before facing Felix. "Cute pyjamas, by the way."

 

"Thanks." Felix stared at Changbin and Hyunjin, and stepped aside for them to come in too.

 

"We figured you'd be lonely all by yourself, so we chose to come here instead!" Jisung grinned at Felix, before plopping on a spare chair.

 

"I brought the food," Hyunjin remarked, bringing the food to the table. "Everyone loves food."

 

"Yes, but not the person carrying it," Seungmin replied. 

 

Hyunjin showed him the finger, and Seungmin scoffed in response. 

 

Felix realized that Changbin wasn't talking as much as the others, and he wondered why. His eyes met Changbin, and he flashed him a smile. 

 

When Changbin returned his smile, Felix didn't feel that lonely anymore.


	5. black shorts

**CHANGBIN** **ASKED** Felix for his number the next day during Psychology class.

"You know? It's for the project," Changbin told him. "And because I just realized I never had your number all this time."

Felix nodded, and gave Changbin his number.

Watching as Changbin scrolled through his contacts to make a new one for Felix, the Australian realized just how many numbers Changbin's phone posessed.

Changbin noticed his stare, and broke out into a sheepish grin. "I...kinda go overboard with getting people's numbers..."

Changbin sounded almost shy to Felix, and he found it extremely adorable. To be honest, Felix would've found anything that Changbin did adorable. That was how whipped he was for the shorter.

And Changbin didn't know it.

Felix didn't want Changbin to, at least not when he and Hyunjin were dating. Felix would keep everything buried inside the depths of his mind, where no one else would find it.

For now, Felix was comfortable with admiring Changbin from afar. 

 

_______

 

Okay, so maybe Felix wasn't _that_ comfortable admiring Changbin from afar. 

 

Hyunjin and Changbin had skipped lunch at Jin's Delights, and Felix couldn't deal with the suggestive stares that Jisung shot him and Seungmin every two seconds.

 

Felix didn't want to think about whatever it seemed like Hyunjin and Changbin were doing. He didn't want to think about them making out. He really didn't. 

 

So why was he imagining it at this second? To make him feel hurt? Or to snap him out of the illusion that Changbin could actually like him back? 

 

It didn't seem to work, however, because Felix just ended up mentally switching places with Hyunjin instead.

 

_Fuck_.

 

Seungmin and Jisung stared at him, and Felix realized just then that he'd said the word out loud.

 

Felix really needed to spend some time away from Changbin. He quickly stood up, his apetite for food diminished. "Guys, I have to go. I'll...see you later."

  
This was one of the times that Felix desperately craved his older sister's advice, and he couldn't even ask her, because how does one tell their sibling that they like their friend's boyfriend, which just so happened to be the same gender as them?

_______

 

Felix was in his room after his classes ended, lying on his bed and staring at nothing, when a notification popped up on his phone. 

 

Wiping his tired eyes, he glanced at the screen, realizing that it was a text.

 

From Changbin. 

 

Felix immediately sprang up from his bed, and opened up the message.

  
**Changbin: hey felix :)**

It was just a simple text message, but it was enough to bring about so many positive emotions from Felix.

And since they were texting, Felix couldn't embarrass himself as much because he couldn't stutter a text.

 **Felix: Hey Changbin!|**  
**Felix: Hey Cha|**  
**Felix: He|**  
**Felix: Hi :)**

Felix's heart beating against his chest was the only sound he heard as he waited for Changbin's response.

**Changbin: what's up?**

Changbin wanted to know what was happening with Felix, which meant that he genuinely wanted to talk to him.

 **Felix: nothing much**  
**Felix: just chilling on my bed**

Felix couldn't believe he pressed 'send' without editing that.

 **Changbin: lol**  
**Changbin: so that means you're not doing anything rn**  
**Changbin: right?**

 **Felix: no**  
**Felix: do you want to talk to jisung?**

**Changbin: no, i want to talk to you**

Felix was glad Changbin was just texting him. He didn't want the shorter to see the nervous state he was in.

**Felix: but youre already talking to me :p**

**Changbin: haha right**  
**Changbin: but i was talking about coming over**

Felix thought back to the movie night he had with Changbin and the rest. Changbin had been with Hyunjin a majority of the time, and Felix remembered that he hadn't been in a great mood during most of the movies.

Maybe that was what made him press send on his next text without backspacing.

 **Felix: well what about hyunjin**  
**Felix: you never leave his side anyway**

Well, Felix was an idiot.

Changbin took some seconds to answer, and Felix contemplated shutting off his phone and hiding away from the outside world.

 **Changbin: haha ok**  
**Changbin: you noticed?**

Felix couldn't tell if Changbin was offended or not, and that just made him feel even more terrible.

 **Felix: uh yeah**  
**Felix: you guys are friends so...**

**Changbin: yeah, we're friends lol**

Felix had been hoping that Changbin'd shed some light on what his relationship with Hyunjin was, but Changbin seemed to avoid it.

**Changbin: well, i have to go**

_Shit_. Now Felix knew he definitely pissed Changbin off.

 **Felix: really?**  
**Felix: so youre not coming over again?**

 **Changbin: something** **came up**  
**Changbin: sorry**

**Felix: oh okay**

Changbin didn't text anything back, and Felix fell on his bed, inwardly cursing at himself.

Felix managed to get Changbin mad at him in the span of a few minutes, and now Felix didn't know what to do.

_______

 

**Feli** **x: i didnt see you during psych today.**  
**F** **elix: you okay** **?**  
_sent 11:25 am_

  
Changbin hadn't answered his texts since morning, and it drove Felix crazy.

When Felix asked Jisung where Changbin was, Jisung said he was probably at his own dorm. Hyunjin didn't give any specific information about Changbin, and Seungmin suggested that maybe Changbin was sick.

Felix decided to suck it up by the end of the school day, and after talking to his sister, he made his way to his dorm and decided to text Changbin again.

Felix wanted to know how Changbin was doing, but he didn't want to seem clingy. He decided that he could use the group project as an opportunity to visit Changbin.

That is, if Changbin even wanted him over.

 **Felix: hey changbin :)**  
**Felix: seungmin said that you might be sick, so i hope youre feeling fine**  
**Felix: i was wondering if i could come over**  
**Felix: for the group project and all**

_Changbin is typing..._

Felix really shouldn't feel this excited, but he couldn't help it.

 **Changbin: hi felix**  
**Changbin: no im not sick, and sure, you can come over :)**

Felix luckily didn't have to ask Changbin where his dorm room was (since Hyunjin had conveniently told Felix where it was located), and he didn't forget to bring his laptop with him, since the whole point of Felix coming over was because of that group project.

"Where're you going?" Jisung asked him from the couch, startling the Australian a little.

"...To Changbin's dorm," Felix answered. Fortunately, Jisung did not question him further, and Felix sped through the college grounds, trying to calm down his nerves along the way.

When he finally stood in front of Changbin's dorm, he inhaled a deep breath and knocked on the door.

The door opened a few seconds later, and a grinning Changbin faced Felix.

"Hi, Felix! Come in." Changbin opened the door further, and Felix stepped in. His heart fluttered rapidly inside his chest when he got hit with the fact that he was in Changbin's dorm, and they were going to be alone.

Changbin's dorm didn't look too different from how his and Jisung's own looked, and his roommate didn't seem to be present.

Felix placed his laptop on a table, and turned around to face Changbin.

"Do you like, want anything?" Changbin asked, gesturing to the fridge that was in what appeared to be the kitchen.

Felix _did_ want something, but this moment was hardly the time to talk or think about that. Instead, Felix simply shook his head.

"Okay." Changbin nodded. Then he made his way to one of the seats available, and that was when Felix noticed the black shorts that he had on. They exposed his legs, and the skin looked extremely smooth and unblemished.

Felix forced himself to look away, and sat down beside Changbin, who was now opening up his Psychology text book.

"So we have to research about different mental disorders," Changbin started, but Felix couldn't hear more of what he said. He was watching Changbin's lips. Changbin was also wearing a black shirt, which worked well with his skin tone.

And those legs. _Christ_.

Felix felt like a perv, but he couldn't help it. He was awkward and shy and his emotions controlled him too easily. His thoughts were spiralling out of control, all because of Changbin.

"Felix, are you listening?" Changbin asked.

Felix quickly nodded, even though he was far from listening.

"Then what did I just say?"

Felix's mind raced, and when his mind raced, his sentences became very incoherent. He couldn't come up with a reasonable answer, and he was now very aware that he was just embarrassing himself.

"U-Um, I uh, I wasn't listening. Sorry..."

Changbin stared at Felix, and the Australian cowered under his intimidating gaze. Felix didn't know what Changbin was thinking right then, but he really wanted to know.

A chuckle escaped Changbin's lips. "You literally look so tense whenever I'm around you. Do I...make you uncomfortable?"

 _Maybe_. "No, no. You...You don't. I'm naturally like that."

Changbin knitted his eyebrows in thought. "But you don't look that way around Jisung, or Seungmin. You don't have a problem speaking to Hyunjin either. Are you stressed out?"

"I--not really."

"Do you want a massage?" Changbin smirked.

"Er, no. It's okay."

"Good, because I kinda suck at giving massages anyway," Changbin laughed. Felix found himself smiling at the sound.

"Well...I give good massages. I can give you one, if you want..." Felix should really learn how to keep his mouth shut at times.

But Changbin grinned, looking up at him in surprise. "Really?"

Felix nodded, and soon, what was supposed to be time for research, turned into a massaging session instead. Felix liked kneading his fingers into Changbin's shoulders, and Changbin could be very vocal at times, which was extremely hilarious to Felix.

"Hey, stop laughing at me," Changbin warned at one point.

Felix giggled in response. "Okay, sir."

Even when Felix was positioned behind Changbin, he could still see the shorter's smile.

"You should laugh more," Changbin commented, "it suits you."

Felix's heart fluttered. "Um, thanks."

"You're welcome."

Felix's eyes traced over Changbin's nape and landed on the thin necklace around his neck. He felt like touching it. "Nice necklace."

Changbin turned around. "Thanks. Hyunjin gave it to me around last year, I think."

Felix's hands dropped from Changbin's shoulders, just like how his heart sank. There was a question that Felix really wanted to ask all this time, and now he couldn't hold it back.

"What's your relationship with Hyunjin?"

Changbin looked down, before shrugging. "We're...boyfriends. But at the same time, we're not...? Does that makes sense?"

Felix was confused, and when Changbin glanced at him, he shook his head.

"I figured. Hyunjin and I...we're kind of in an...open relationship."

Different thoughts ran through Felix's head, but he managed to keep a straight face. "Oh, okay."

"So that means that we can see other people." Changbin met Felix's eyes. "So that means I can have a relationship with you if I want to and if you're interested. I'm just stating an example, by the way."

"It's okay." Felix slowly nodded, but his heartbeat accelerated because there was a possibility that he could date Changbin, but with conditions.

Changbin stared at Felix once more, before clasping his hands together. "Okay, now that that's out of the way, can we go back to the massage?"

"Yep," Felix chuckled. He felt exhilerated when he touched Changbin again, because now he could actually have a chance with him, but his chest still felt strangely heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are liking this


	6. cute cupcakes

**"SO, YOU'RE** telling me that you actually made friends, and you actually _like_ one of them?" Rachel's surprised voice filled up the previously empty atmosphere.

" _Shh_! Someone can hear you!" Felix whisper-yelled, but it didn't look like his older sister was going to take him seriously.

He knew it would probably be a bad call to tell his sister his thoughts, but he really needed someone to talk to about his feelings. The next best person was Jisung, and then Google, and Felix didn't really trust those two options.

When he decided to bring his sister over to his dorm on Friday morning, because his sister had only afternoon classes that day, he didn't adequately prepare for the series of questions Rachel was blasting at him at full speed.

"It's not like we're speaking Korean anyway," Rachel sighed. "Felix, answer me!"

Rachel didn't do subtle. Felix was regretting bringing her over.

He hid his reddening cheeks behind his sweater sleeves. "...Yes."

Rachel squealed, leaning her arms on the table. Curiosity was blatant in her eyes, and a wide smile grew on her face.

"Tell me, who is it?"

"You won't know him. He's a freshman too."

Rachel didn't seem bothered by the secret person's pronouns. Felix's sexuality was something Rachel had discovered long ago ever since she found him staring longingly at the boy band posters that littered her room back in Australia. It was just something that they knew but didn't talk about that often.

"Come on, I know everyone."

It was true. Since Changbin knew about Rachel, it most likely meant that Rachel knew about him too. Felix couldn't let his sister know about him, he just couldn't.

"Well, I'm not telling you."

Rachel really wanted to know who the guy was, but she knew how stubborn and unrelenting Felix could be at times, especially about things that meant a lot to him. "Fine."

"But..." Felix stared right at his sister. "I need your advice."

"On what? You want to get with him?"

"W-Well, yeah. But it's...more complicated than that."

"Spill."

And Felix started to tell Rachel about how he and Changbin met (without mentioning Changbin's name, mind you), about the time he and Changbin almost kissed, and about the time when Felix went over to Changbin's dorm for their group project. He didn't mention the part about the open relationship thing though, as he wasn't sure how his sister would react to that.

When he was finished, he was breathless, blushing, and still as confused as ever. "So, what should I do?"

"I think he likes you," Rachel finalized. Felix opened his mouth to object, but she held up her hand to stop him. "Now, before you make up reasons as to why you think he doesn't like you, hear me out, okay? The only way you can know for sure is to ask him directly. It's simple."

"But what if Cha--I mean--he doesn't feel the same way?"

"I'm pretty sure he does."

Felix sighed, resting his head on his palms. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe all he had to do was just ask. It was easier said than done, though. What if Felix read Changbin's actions towards him as something more? He could ruin their already unstable friendship.

Rachel noticed Felix's troubled expression, and placed a hand on his arm. "I trust that you'll do the right thing."

Rachel couldn't stay long after that, because she had some assignments to complete, and soon Felix was alone again.

Since Jisung was attending one of his classes, Felix decided to seek Google.

_How to tell someone you like them when you're not sure they like you back???_

Most of the suggestions were cringey, and a lot of them were unhelpful. Felix soon came across this site that seemed legit, and one of the tips it shared had something to do with cupcakes.

Everyone liked cupcakes, right? The site said that the person had a higher possibility of liking you back when you baked cupcakes with them.

Felix found the suggestion kind of iffy, but now he knew what he was going to do today.

Felix ran to the nearest convenience store and blew most of his allowance on ingredients and materials. He managed to go back to his dorm without getting too many curious stares, and dropped everything on the kitchen counter.

He took out his phone and typed out a text.

**Felix: changbin, you don't mind baking cupcakes with me today, right?**

Changbin texted back within seconds.

**Changbin: nope i dont**  
**Changbin: i'll be there in 10**

Changbin was going to be around in ten minutes, which meant that Felix had very limited time to prepare himself.

He ran to his room and dug out an acceptable grey shirt and a pair of black jeans, since the washed out hoodie and sweatpants he currently wore deserved to be burned, and spent like, five minutes alone fixing his beanie in the mirror.

Felix couldn't do much for his face (since he wasn't a big fan of makeup, and the only accessory he wore was a simple cross earring), so his freckles were on display. He didn't mind them these days, but back in high school, he got picked on because of them.

Felix had been told by his previous high school peers and his family that he looked good (but then again, high schoolers tended to be two-faced, and family members always said you looked good, regardless of how you _actually_ looked), and at that moment, Felix thought he looked decent.

A knock on the door disrupted Felix's thoughts, and Felix took some time to answer because he was giving himself a last minute pep-talk.

When he finally did, he almost did a double take because, wow, did Changbin look good.

He never knew royal blue could complement Changbin so well, but then again, Felix had a feeling that the shorter could rock any colour.

"Hi," Felix breathed out and grinned.

Changbin smiled. "Hi." Maybe it was just the light, but Changbin's eyes sparkled, slightly crinkling at the sides.

Felix allowed Changbin to step in to put on the house slippers, and followed him as he entered the kitchen.

"Wow, that's _a lot_ of stuff," Changbin stated, noticing the amount of ingredients on the counter. "I thought it was just us baking."

"Yeah, it is." Felix felt like he went overboard once again. "But you can't make too many cupcakes, amirite?"

Changbin giggled, before nodding at Felix. "Yeah. I _love_ cupcakes."

Changbin turned out to know more about baking than Felix initially thought, with how he seemed to take the right measurements and put the right quantity of batter.

Felix was amazed, and couldn't help but stare as Changbin poured the batter into the cupcake trays, a look of complete concentration on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed, and a bit of his tongue poked out. It was an adorable sight to watch.

Felix didn't know what came over him then, but he took a can of whipped cream and sprayed a bit on the tip of Changbin's nose.

Changbin stopped his actions, and Felix's heart skipped a beat in anticipation. He wanted to know what Changbin was going to do next.

"You should _not_ have done that," Changbin said, facing Felix.

Felix just laughed, because Changbin could not be taken seriously with whipped cream on his nose.

Changbin wiped it off, before grabbing the can from Felix. "You're _so_ gonna get it," he stated, before spraying some on Felix's shirt.

Hence began a food fight. It was fun, and Felix often times found himself laughing out loud whenever he managed to hit Changbin with flour or whipped cream or sprinkles. Changbin got a few hits on him too, and Felix got to see a carefree side of Changbin that he'd never seen before.

Felix found himself without any ingredient to throw at one point, and Changbin was advancing towards him, a new can of whipped cream in his hands.

Felix didn't want to get hit, so he tried to side step Changbin, but because he was as clumsy as he was awkward, he tripped on fallen flour and collided with Changbin, bringing them both to the ground.

Changbin laughed when this happened, and Felix joined him too.

But then, as in any kind of intimate situation, Felix realized the position he and Changbin were in. Changbin was below him, laughing and staring at him with those mesmerizing eyes of his.

Some bits of sprinkles were in Changbin's raven coloured hair, and Felix took them off, realizing how soft his hair felt.

"This was fun," Changbin chuckled. He wasn't saying anything about the way they were, and it wasn't like Felix was complaining either. "Though oddly cliché..."

Felix's cheeks burned, but he flashed a smile. "Yeah. Kind of."

Changbin grinned, before using a finger to wipe off the whipped cream that was on Felix's cheek and _placing it in his mouth_. He fixed Felix with an expression that could be described as nothing short of mischievous, and Felix's cheeks burned even more.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_. Changbin was driving Felix crazy.

"Let's bake those cupcakes, shall we?" Changbin said, snapping Felix back to reality. Then he sat up, and Felix moved away before their lips brushed or something.

"Yeah, let's do that..."

They placed the tray in the oven, and after they set it up, the kitchen was set in silence.

It wasn't an uncomfortable one though, but Felix wanted to break it. He wanted to talk to Changbin, to continue having fun with him.

"I bet I literally look like a mess right now," Changbin spoke up at that moment, alerting Felix.

Felix watched Changbin, having a solid excuse to blatantly stare at him now. He chuckled. "Yeah. You kinda do."

Changbin smiled. He was also obviously watching Felix now. "Wow, thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You look great too," Changbin commented.

"I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not." Wow, Felix needed to commend himself for not stuttering his sentence this time.

"I'm not," Changbin remarked, "you really look great."

Felix's ears felt hot. "E-Even when I have flour and whipped cream on my face?"

"Yep."

Felix was glad Changbin couldn't hear how loud his heart was beating. Or maybe he could. Felix wouldn't doubt the possibility of that happening. _That_ was how loud his heart sounded.

When the cupcakes were ready, Changbin and Felix decorated them and added the finishing touches.

They turned out to be cute, _especially_ the ones Changbin decorated.

They placed them on one side and cleaned up the kitchen while listening to the music on Changbin's phone. After they did what they could do to clean themselves, they sat at a table and proceeded to eat the cupcakes.

"I kinda feel bad eating them," Changbin said as he bit into one. "I mean, the ones I decorated. Yours look terrible."

"Hey." Felix playfully shoved Changbin's arm, which was one of the few times Felix initiated physical contact with him, and felt warm when Changbin burst into a fit of giggles.

Felix liked it when Changbin laughed. He thought the shorter looked beautiful whenever he did that, and he didn't want anything to interrupt them at that moment. He always enjoyed Changbin's company when they were alone.

Felix leaned his head into his palm, and watched Changbin until the older started laughing.

Maybe Google did have some useful tips after all. He hadn't gotten exactly what he was looking for, but he was one step closer now.  


  


_______  


  


Felix flinched when a ball of paper hit him during Math class. He hoped it wasn't Jisung again, because the guy didn't have any reason to throw paper at him again since Felix was back to seating next to him and Changbin.  


  


Jisung was writing down notes though, but Felix picked up the note and opened it regardless.   


  


_Party at my house (not dorm) on Saturday (tmrw)_  
_you're invited_  
_Come if you want to ;)_  


  


_\- Changbin_   


  


Felix faced Changbin and gestured towards the note. Chuckling, he said, "You could've just told me this."  


  


Changbin shrugged, and made a writing motion with his hands, which made Felix sigh in mock exasperation.  


  


_Felix: okay (~^_^)~_   


  


Changbin smiled when he saw what Felix wrote, and Felix felt a surge of pride well up within him.  


  


The shorter gave him a thumbs up, before telling Hyunjin something.   


  


Felix didn't let that deter him though. He felt happy. The kind of happy that seeped through your bones and made your toes curl.  


  


It was the kind of happy that only Changbin could bring.  



	7. party blues

**FELIX FORGOT** how much he hated parties in general. He only attended two high school parties in his life time, and they both ended horribly.

But, this wasn't a high school party. This was a _college_ party, which meant that it was supposed to feel _different_.

It still felt the same though. The loud, thumping music bass was there, the excessive number of students gathered in one particular area was there, and the alcohol ( _especially_ the alcohol) was also there.

This college party was like high school parties in general, and Felix wondered why he was here in the first place.

And then he remembered it was bacause of Seo Changbin, who wasn't even around at that moment. It seemed like everyone at Sowon Academy was there, but there was no sign of Changbin anywhere.

Which totally bummed Felix out. He'd spent a huge amount of time trying on different outfits, which had been hard to do because a lot of his clothes were _not_ suited for parties. He'd even asked for Jisung's help (since the older looked like he partied excessively for a living) and Jisung managed to turn Felix into his own version of 'outrageously sexy', which Felix had to admit didn't look bad on him.

"Enjoying this party?" Jisung asked Felix a few minutes in. Jisung already looked comfortable with the party setting in a short amount of time, chatting up other students and drinking his ass off. Felix wished he could be like him.

Felix could only nod, and then Jisung left to talk to more people.

Felix would've hated being left alone if it was only him and Jisung present, but at least he had Seungmin and Hyunjin.

"I'm gonna go find Changbin," Hyunjin muttered after a few seconds, before leaving too. Felix wanted to follow him, because he _really_ wanted to see Changbin and know where he was. But, maybe Hyunjin would've taken it as an invasion of privacy.

Seungmin also looked as uncomfortable with parties as Felix, so the Australian didn't want to leave him alone.

"You don't seem to like this party," Felix said, and Seungmin glanced at him.

"That can be said for you too," Seungmin answered, before shrugging. "Parties aren't usually my thing. I usually just come for the alcohol and games."

"Oh," Felix stared at his nowhere near empty cup of vodka. He couldn't find it within himself to drink. On the bright side, since he wasn't drunk, he could notice the more important things, like how _expensive_ Changbin's house looked. "I kinda don't want to be here, to be honest."

A girl with short blue hair passed by with a tray of cups containing drinks, and Seungmin took two of them. Then, he faced Felix. "...Then why did you come?"

Felix didn't know how to respond. How would Seungmin react if Felix told him the reason was because he wanted to see his friend's boyfriend? Did Seungmin even know about Hyunjin's and Changbin's open relationship?

"I...I just wanted new experiences, I guess." Felix shrugged, before taking a sip of his drink. _Bad idea_. He almost choked due to the horrible taste, and Seungmin laughed at his reaction.

"Here, take this one. It tastes _way_ better than the one you have," Seungmin suggested, exchanging Felix's drink with his. Felix nodded, not in the mood to try anymore drinks.

"Loosen up," Seungmin said, taking in Felix's expression. "That's the only way you can fully enjoy a party. You can start by finishing that drink you have there."

"Okay." Felix placed the cup on his lips and managed to finish the whole thing. Seungmin was right. This one _did_ taste better than the last one, and it had a kind of fruity flavour. Felix liked it.

Seungmin grinned after Felix finished the cup. Hooking his arm with Felix, he said, "Now, let's have fun. Party games, here we go!"

Felix was already feeling a bit woozy, but he was still sober enough to give a small nod. Maybe he'd finally have a good party experience tonight. Maybe he'd even spot Changbin on the way.

_______

  
Okay, Felix may or may not have taken one too many shots in the first hour of the party. He blamed it on the fun party games that Seungmin made him participate in (which involved alcohol, of course), and the addictive music that seeped through the speakers (which involved even _more_ alcohol). At least he wasn't seeing double. _That_ was saying something.

In the middle of playing 'Spin the Bottle' (that was the game Felix was playing now), his bottle had landed on some girl, which meant they had to kiss or he'd face some sort of punishment (something that had to do with alcohol, perhaps). Felix didn't really care. The girl was nice looking, but she looked _really_ eager to kiss him, which creeped him out a little.

She was about to kiss him when his eyes fell on Changbin, who just so happened to be making his way over. Felix immediately snapped out of whatever drunk state he was in, and he turned his head just in time so the girl ended up kissing his cheek.

Changbin was in the circle with them, which meant that _he was going to play the game_.

Changbin was also staring at Felix at his moment, and now Felix's heart was beating erratically. He would've given anything to know what Changbin was thinking at that moment their eyes met.

But then Changbin looked away to listen to what a guy was telling him, and Felix took that time to calm down his frantic mind.

Seungmin was seated beside him, and although the red head had taken the same amount of drinks as Felix, if not more, he looked more put-together than Felix.

"I feel tired," Seungmin said. Felix stared at him in surprise, because how could someone feel tired in a high strung environment like this? "These games are getting kinda boring."

Felix would've agreed with Seungmin if he said so when they first came. But Felix came to like those games, and now that Changbin was around, Felix never wanted to leave.

He watched as several people spun the bottle, cooed when people gave each other cute pecks, and grimaced when others thought it was a good idea to shove their tongues down each other's throats in public.

Felix became hyper aware of his surroundings when Changbin got a hold of the bottle and spun it. At first, the possibility of the bottle landing on Felix exhilerated him, but then his nerves took over. What if Felix was a bad kisser? What if Changbin didn't want to kiss him? What if Hyunjin was out there somewhere?

Felix's surroundings slowed when the bottle landed on him.

The realization of what he was about to do took quite some time to dawn on him, since he was probably drunk, but when he registered a pair of warm hands in his, reality hit him in the face.

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but Felix thought that Changbin looked almost... _relieved_ that the bottle stopped on him.

They were now in the middle of the circle, and the students surrounding them were being extra loud. Felix wasn't exactly sure where Seungmin was. All he could think about was how Changbin's lips were going to feel like.

"Okay, let's do this." Changbin placed his hands on Felix's shoulders. He leaned in, and soon enough, their lips brushed.

The kiss (if you could even call it that) was brief. _Too_ brief. Yet it still managed to make Felix's heart race and his insides warm.

Changbin's lips were exactly as soft as they looked, and Felix tasted a hint of cherry on them. Before Felix could totally absorb himself in the kiss, though, Changbin had already pulled away, and the next person was spinning the bottle.

Felix's lips tingled as the game continued, and, maybe it was the alcohol talking again, but Changbin seemed to avoid Felix's eyes throughout the rest of the game.

Felix felt giddy, though, and a little bit drowsy. He could only hope that he'd remember the kiss tomorrow.

_______

 

Felix realized that he possibly had too many drinks when he started slurring his words and stumbling on his feet. 

 

"Do you want to leave?" Seungmin had asked him after Felix almost tripped on nothing for the nth time that night. 

 

Felix shook his head. He didn't want to leave just yet. He still hadn't had a proper conversation with Changbin after their kiss(?), his lips were still tingling, and he maybe, sorta, _really_ wanted to kiss Changbin again. 

 

Changbin only had to kiss him once for him to get totally addicted to it. 

  
"You sure?" Seungmin asked again. "You're literally drunk off your ass."

"No--" Felix hiccuped. "It's--It's okay. I'm fine."

"Okay. If you say so. But no more alcohol for you," Seungmin lectured, taking away the drink that Felix just so happened to be holding at that moment.

Felix didn't mind the fact that he wasn't going to be drinking again. He just wanted to stay at the party (which was still as alive as it was when it started) and talk to Changbin. That was why he was here in the first place.

He met Seungmin's eyes. "Where's"--Hiccup--"Changbin?"

"I dunno. Maybe he's at the indoor pool."

"Where's the indoor pool?"

And Seungmin kindly escorted Felix towards where the pool was located, and sure enough, Changbin was there, seated at the edge.

If Felix wasn't piss drunk, he would've admired the fact that Changbin was actually shirtless, but all Felix wanted to do right now was to have some sort of conversation with the older.

Felix began to walk, but stopped in his tracks when Hyunjin sat down beside Changbin and started talking to him. Hyunjin was smiling, but Changbin wasn't, and a few seconds later, they were kissing.

Felix's heart felt like it sunk into some kind of bottomless abyss, and his drunk state of mind made everything seem worse than it was. He pursed his lips, and balled his hands into shaky fists.

" _God_ ," Seungmin remarked beside Felix, "they're kissing again. Let's go Fe--wait, are you _crying_?"

 _Yes_ , Felix was crying. He didn't even know why. Maybe he was just an emotional drunk. He just didn't like seeing Hyunjin and Changbin together like that, and now angry and frustrated tears were streaming down his face.

Seungmin placed a hand on Felix's shoulder and fixed him with a worried gaze. "Felix, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Felix bit his lips, and just shook his head. He turned around to go back inside the house, not caring if Seungmin followed him or not. He felt like a whiny toddler that didn't get their way, and he also felt kind of pathetic.

Why was he crying again? He was turning nineteen soon, for Christ's sake.

Felix trudged through the house until he reached the exit. Seeing a spare cup in the corner, he agressively kicked it across the room to try and will away the anger he felt.

Then, he decided to leave the party, but before he could step out, Seungmin caught up to him.

"Wait--Felix."

Felix didn't want to face Seungmin. He just wanted to go home, snuggle up to his beloved fluffy plushies, go under his warm blankets, and wait for his mother to kiss him goodnight.

"W-What?" Felix sniffed.

"You can't go back to your dorm drunk like this. I have someone that can take you back."

Felix just nodded in response. He was too tired to process anything, he was starting to develop an headache, and his lips wouldn't stop tingling.

 

_______

 

Felix woke up around four the next morning and saw his phone on the bedside table. He realized he had a couple of messages.

 

He groaned, feeling incredibly gross in his party clothes, and the raging headache he experienced didn't help in the slightest. 

 

Nevertheless, he turned on his phone and checked the message.

 

**Changbin: heard from seungmin that you left the party since you weren't feeling well**  
**Changbin: hope you're feeling okay now** **haha**  
_sent 1:37 am_

 

Felix couldn't remember much of what happened from the party, but he _did_ remember his and Changbin's lips brushing, and he faintly remembered what happened at the pool.

 

**Felix: you cant just kiss me and then kiss hyunjin like it was nothing, and you make me feel so good and yet so confused and i freaking like you a lot ok but you keep doing these things to me** **|**  
**Felix: you cant just kiss me and then kiss hyunjin like it was nothing, and you make me feel so good and ye|**  
**Felix: you cant just kiss me and then hyunjin like|**  
**Felix: you cant ju|**  
**Felix: |**  
**Felix: yeah, i do. thanks for asking :)**

 

**SEND MESSAGE?**  
**YES** **| NO**

 

Felix shut off his phone and flung himself back on the bed.


	8. awkward incarnate

**MONDAYS WERE** horrible. Felix figured out why the majority of the world population hated Mondays when he woke up that morning.

Felix hadn't left his dorm room all through Sunday. Jisung had wanted Felix to go out and get some stuff with him before (because Jisung apparently didn't get affected by hangovers at all), but left the Australian alone after he'd witnessed how lethargic he was.

Felix totally wasn't looking forward to attending his classes today, and it didn't help that Monday was one of his busiest days of the week. He had a class every hour, which meant that he'd have to face Changbin sooner or later.

Even if Felix currently felt like shit, he still couldn't deny that some part of him longed to see Changbin today, which was totally crazy.

Even though the alcohol he'd taken at Changbin's party had wiped off most of what he did there, he still knew about the kiss he and Changbin shared because of a party game, and the way he felt after he'd encountered Hyunjin and Changbin kissing.

Those memories were enough to make him dread the day ahead.

What was he going to do when he met Changbin? Pretend that what happened between them didn't happen? Act like he didn't remember anything? Maybe the kiss meant nothing to Changbin, since it _was_ a result of a game, after all.

Felix'd spent a majority of his time in the shower imagining Changbin's lips on his, and when he'd finished dressing, he thought about them again.

He and Jisung ended up entering Psychology as soon as the class started, which meant that Changbin and Seungmin were probably already there.

_Oh god._

Felix's predictions turned out to be true as he followed Jisung to where they usually sat, unintentionally hiding behind Jisung's back even if he knew he was already spotted.

"What's up, Munchkins?" Jisung said while he sat down in his seat, his voice a tad bit too loud as always.

"Don't ever call us that again," Seungmin replied, frowning when Jisung just laughed.

Jisung looked up in thought. "What about Minions?"

Changbin was the one who replied this time. "That's even worse." His eyes fell on Felix, and allowed the Australian to take his usual seat beside him. After Felix did, he scooted closer. "Hey. You alright?"

Why was Changbin so caring? If Changbin had been an asshole, maybe Felix would've gotten over him by now.

Felix quickly nodded. "Yep. I'm okay." Seeing Changbin so close to him made memories of what happened at the party fill his mind again. It totally wasn't the right time to be thinking about them, though. Felix didn't want to do something that he'd regret later.

Changbin smiled, tapping his pen beside his lips. _Crap_. Felix was staring at his lips again. "Well, I was thinking about us going to my dorm after classes to work on the project. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Felix nodded. He was going to be alone with Changbin again, and he didn't know how to feel about that.

"Cool," Changbin grinned. Felix jumped a bit when he softly kicked him. "And loosen up, will you? I don't bite."

If Felix didn't know better, he would've thought Changbin was flirting with him. Felix found it incredibly hard to read people sometimes, especially in high school when people had flirted with him, but he mistook them as just being friendly.

It was ironic that Felix was studying a subject that literally encompassed learning about the human mind, and he didn't even know what was going on in his.

_______

 

When Felix was practising dancing with Hyunjin, he thought about what Changbin said their relationship was.

 

He wondered how Hyunjin would react if he let it known to him that he liked Changbin. Would Hyunjin get mad? Hyunjin looked like he really liked Changbin, but Felix wasn't _too_ sure about that observation (because he was horrible at reading people). 

 

If Hyunjin was actually okay with Felix liking Changbin, and Felix did start dating Changbin, what then?

 

Felix didn't like the thought of sharing Changbin. But he also knew he had no right of thinking that because he and Changbin weren't even together. 

 

Felix didn't even know if Changbin felt the same way. 

 

He let out a huff of frustration, which turned out to be really loud because Hyunjin's inquisitive eyes were on him right away.

 

"You okay? What's wrong?"

 

Felix stared at Hyunjin. He kind of felt guilty that he was thinking about his friend's boyfriend like that, and he didn't feel like a good friend if he wanted Hyunjin and Changbin to break up.

 

"Nothing," Felix lied, "I'm fine. Just tired." That seemed to be his only response these days.

 

Hyunjin nodded, before staring at himself in front of the numerous mirrors that lined the class.

 

Felix really wanted to tell Hyunjin what was on his mind though, and before he knew it, he blurted out, "What's your relationship with Changbin?"

 

Hyunjin paused, and Felix wanted the ground to open and swallow him whole.

 

Hyunjin turned around and smiled slightly. "We're boyfriends."

 

"Really?" _Wow_ , stating the obvious, Felix.

 

"Yeah, we are." Hyunjin didn't say anything else, which confused Felix greatly. Didn't Changbin say that he and Hyunjin were in an open relationship?

 

"Aren't you kind of in an open relationship?" Felix's eyes widened when he heard what came out of his lips. Felix _really_ needed to watch what he said sometimes. 

 

Hyunjin stared at Felix through the mirror. "Who told you?"

 

"Well...I kinda heard J-Jisung and Seungmin talking about it..." Felix was back to his awkward self, but it wasn't his fault that Hyunjin now looked a thousand times less inviting.

 

"Oh. Okay." Hyunjin shrugged. "I guess we are. Why did you ask?"

 

Hyunjin was staring at Felix with those inquisitive eyes again, and Felix tried so hard to maintain eye contact since he didn't want to look like a coward.

 

"I was just...curious." Felix stared at his hands, before shrugging. The class was almost empty now, and Felix realized he never knew when the class ended. 

 

"Really? Huh." Hyunjin glanced at Felix before taking his bag. His gaze was unreadable, and Felix felt intimidated. "See you later, Felix."

 

Felix watched him go. "Yeah. See you."

 

What the heck just happened? Hyunjin looked so unapproachable once the topic of his and Changbin's relationship was brought up, and it slightly worried Felix. 

 

For once, Hyunjin didn't act so friendly.

 

_______

 

Felix took so much time going to Changbin's place that the older texted him at one point to know where he was.

 

Nerves overtook Felix's every being when he finally found himself in front of Changbin's dorm. He knocked on the door, and inhaled a deep breath when Changbin soon opened it.

 

"You made it," Changbin said once he allowed Felix to step in. "I thought you weren't coming."

 

"I kind of got caught up with some things," Felix explained, which was kind of true. He'd stayed over for a few minutes in one of his classes because he wanted the teacher to explain a topic to him.

 

Changbin nodded, before taking a seat on the couch. Felix sat next to him, and then he realized that maybe he sat too close because their legs and shoulders were touching and now his thoughts were racing.

 

This was simply too much.

  
"So...let's start," Changbin said, and Felix nodded. They actually got things done this time, and Felix managed not to let his emotions and hormones overrule him for the time being. He still felt awkward whenever he thought Changbin was too close though, and he hoped that the shorter male didn't notice anything.

Changbin looked up at Felix after he'd searched up something on the internet. "Do you want popcorn? I have some popcorn."

"Okay. S-Sure." Felix nodded, watching as Changbin entered the kitchen. Although Changbin was shorter than him, he was certainly more muscular and posessed a certain kind of self confidence that Felix found incredibly attractive.

Changbin also looked like he'd make the perfect cuddle buddy, which was a plus in Felix's book.

Changbin came back with two boxes of popcorn and placed them on the table. One was rainbow coloured, and the other was just plain.

Felix took the plain white one, and liked how salty the popcorn was. They tasted better than usual, or maybe that was because Changbin was around.

They continued working on their project for a while, before Changbin suddenly said, "You should try the red and green popcorn together. Apple and strawberry oddly work well with each other."

Felix nodded, proceeding to take red and green popcorn. But before he could do so, Changbin already had some in his hands and told Felix to open his mouth.

Felix's eyes widened, because _Changbin wanted to feed him_.

Felix obeyed though, and his lips tingled again when Changbin's fingers touched them while he fed him the popcorn.

The combination of those two flavours of popcorn tasted really nice, and Changbin's smile when Felix nodded in approval also made him feel nice.

_Fuck_ _._ Felix really wanted to kiss Changbin right now.

So he did.

He connected their lips and Changbin responded positively and now Felix was placing kisses down the expanse of Changbin's warm neck and shoulder--

"Felix?"

Reality slapped Felix in the face. His eyes flickered to Changbin's face, noticing how the older's eyebrows knitted together in worry and slight confusion. Felix cleared his throat. "Y-Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

Felix made things awkward again. He sank further into the couch. "Yeah, I am. Just stressed, I guess."

Changbin copied Felix's actions, tracing his eyes over the Australian's face. Felix's stomach flopped when he noticed his stare.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The thing was, Felix did want to talk about it. But he knew he couldn't. Too many things could go wrong if he told the truth, and he wasn't even sure where he and Changbin stood in all of this.

"I...I can't really explain it," Felix stated. "If I try to, things could get even worse..."

Changbin nodded, before placing his hand over Felix's. Felix stared at it. He didn't want to move away, because he liked the feeling Changbin's touch gave him. He liked it way too much.

"Well...whenever you're ready to talk about it, you can always tell me," Changbin said.

"I'll keep that in mind," Felix chuckled. Then he remembered what Rachel said about Changbin already liking him.

This was it. He had to know if _maybe_ Changbin felt the same way about him.

Felix leaned in, staring intently at Changbin's eyes. He watched as the older's neutral expression turned into one that looked almost... _panicked?_

Felix ignored it though, and advanced closer, until he could clearly see the slight pink tint spreading across Changbin's cheeks. Felix stopped, and then ruffled Changbin's hair, to both his and Changbin's shock.

"Uh, I uh..." Felix scratched the back of his neck. "I shouldn't have done that. Sorry."

Changbin blinked, before laughing. He playfully nudged Felix's shoulder. "It's okay, Lix. It was just...unexpected."

_Lix_.

Changbin had called him 'Lix'.

No one had called him 'Lix' before.

And the way Changbin pronounced Lix like 'Likeseu' made the nickname all the more endearing.

Felix wanted to kiss Changbin even more now.

He nervously laughed along to what Changbin said, shoving that thought to the back of his mind. He couldn't focus on that right now, because he wanted to enjoy Changbin's presence as much as possible without letting his awkwardness get in the way of it.


	9. night escapades

**IT WAS** Tuesday night, and Felix sat cross-legged on his bed, listening to music while trying to complete some homework.

He could hear Jisung shouting in the living room (he was playing FIFA or something), but the shouting wasn't loud enough to disturb him.

He had a lot on his mind already.

Felix sighed and rubbed his eyes after a few minutes. His eyelids drooped, and he felt exhausted. Snapping his books shut, he fell on the bed and hugged the pillow.

Taking his phone, he texted Seungmin. Felix had grown closer to the red head in the past few days, and now Felix felt comfortable enough to tell Seungmin some of what was bothering him.

Not everything though. They weren't _that_ close yet.

**Felix: im bored and tired**  
**Felix: help**

Seungmin responded after a few minutes.

**Seungmin: watch some youtube videos or smth**  
**Seungmin: or study**  
**Seungmin: because studying is good**

Felix rolled his eyes. Seungmin wasn't helping right now.

**Felix: youre no fun :(**

**Seungmin: if you want fun, go to jisung or changbin**  
**Seungmin: now stop texting me**  
**Seungmin: im trying to sleep**

**Felix: who even sleeps at eight?**

**Seungmin: me, so bye.**

Well, _that_ conversation was over. Felix didn't know who to talk to now. He'd called Rachel earlier, but the call went straight to voicemail, and Felix doubted Jisung would be of any help since he was too busy playing his video games.

And Hyunjin...

Hyunjin had been incredibly hard to talk to throughout today, and although Felix had his number, he didn't feel comfortable with texting him.

Which left Changbin.

Should Felix text Changbin? What if the older was busy? And if Felix did decide to text Changbin, what were they going to talk about anyway?

Felix didn't want to come off as a clingy or needy person. People tended to feel the need to sort of baby him because of that aspect of his personality. He didn't want to feel like a burden to Changbin, and he didn't want to feel annoying.

Felix held his phone, staring at the black screen for a few seconds. Suddenly the screen brightened and a message appeared on the top part of it.

Felix quickly typed in his passcode and checked the message.

**Changbin: felix, you there?**

Yes, Felix was. He was there and now he was fully awake, alert and aware of his surroundings.

**Felix: yeah :)**  
**Felix: do you need something? anything at all?**

Now, Felix didn't want to sound like he was flirting (okay, well, maybe he _did,_ but that was besides the point). He didn't want Changbin to think he was weird.

**Felix: i mean**  
**Felix: what's up?**

_Changbin is typing..._

Felix sat up on the bed, biting his nails in worry.

**Changbin: nothing much.**  
**Changbin: wbu?**

**Felix: i'm great**  
**Felix: thanks for asking.**

**Changbin: thats good :)**  
**Changbin: um, felix**  
**Changbin: can you come over?**

**Felix: oh okay sure**  
**Felix: when?**

**Changbin: like now haha**

Felix tried to erase how giddy he felt because of Changbin's text. The shorter actually wanted him to come over, and it wasn't because of their group project this time. Or was it?

**Felix: for group project stuff, right?**

**Changbin: lol no**  
**Changbin: just wanna hang out**

**Felix: oh okay :)**

Felix wasn't squealing. He _definitely_ wasn't.

He jumped off his bed so fast that he almost tripped, and stumbled on his feet way too many times to count just because he felt excited.

But then Felix realized that he'd have to make it past Jisung, who was still probably in the living room. For some reason, Felix didn't want Jisung to know that he was going to see Changbin.

Maybe it was the way Changbin phrased his texts, but it almost sounded like he didn't want Felix to let anyone else know about their meetup.

Felix slowly opened the door to his room and stepped out. The living room was dimly lit, and Jisung was still at the couch, playing FIFA.

He was also wearing headphones, which was good.

Felix tip-toed behind him, and made it to the door without making a sound. Now, Felix just had to unlock it without alerting the older.

Felix managed to do so without making any noise, but it was when Felix turned on the handle that a semi-loud clicking sound was made.

_Shit_. Felix had totally forgot about that. Alarmed, he stared at Jisung, who only twitched, before continuing his game.

Felix heaved an inaudible sigh of relief, and exited the dorm. He spotted some students here and there loitering around (since the curfew on weekdays wasn't until eleven or something), so Felix didn't feel entirely alone.

He felt cold though, and mentally scolded himself for not putting on a sweater before he left. Anyway, it was too late now, since Felix was already on his way to Changbin's dorm.

"Hi Felix," Changbin greeted, "I'm glad you came."

"Me too--I mean--no worries." Changbin chuckled slightly at Felix's words, which made the Australian's ears feel warm.

"So..." Felix breathed out after a few seconds. "What do you want us to do?"

Changbin shrugged. "Well, I was thinking about us going out together."

Felix's eyes widened, but luckily Changbin didn't spot it. "T-Together? Like...like a--" _Date?_

Changbin quickly caught on to what Felix was implying. Felix would've expected Changbin to shake his head and say that it wasn't a date. He would've expected Changbin to turn that possibilty down as soon as it came.

But Changbin didn't do any of that.

Instead, he softly punched Felix's arm and smirked. "Maybe. If you want." Then, Changbin winked. He _winked_.

Or maybe he was just blinking. But, Felix trusted his eyesight enough to know that was not the case.

The Australian let out a nervous laugh that sounded _way_ too high pitched. "O-Oh, o-okay."

Felix was a mess right now. He wanted to confess his feelings right there and then, wanted to hold Changbin's hands and passionately kiss him.

Felix _really_ wanted to do those things right now.

But he couldn't, and it was literally the most frustrating thing ever.

"--lix? Felix?"

Felix met Changbin's eyes. "Yeah?"

"You like, literally zoned out there for a second," Changbin chuckled. "I need to know if you're okay." He held up two fingers in front of Felix's face. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

His tone was light and humourous, and Felix just grinned and pulled Changbin's hand down (which was just an excuse to touch the shorter's hand). "Stop it."

Changbin laughed. He obviously noticed that Felix held on to his hand longer than normal, but he didn't comment on it, to Felix's dismay.

That _had_ to mean something, right? If Changbin didn't mind Felix holding his hand, it had to mean that Felix's feelings kinda, maybe had a chance of getting reciprocated, right?

But Felix wouldn't know, because it was hard reading Changbin. Changbin was literally so confusing sometimes, and that only made Felix more intrigued.

Felix wanted to know more about Changbin. Felix _wanted_ Changbin.

"Let's go out now. I really wanna get some fresh air," Changbin spoke, snapping Felix out of his thoughts (again).

"Okay." But before they could leave, Changbin said that he had to go and get something.

"I'll be back in a sec," Changbin said, before retreating to his room.

While Changbin was there, Felix's eyes zeroed in on the phone on the table. It vibrated, and the screen brightened, which revealed a notification.

It was a message, and Felix couldn't help but glance over it. When he did, however, he wished he didn't.

**Hyunjinnie: i know you're probably mad at me, but i want us to talk and...**

The rest of the message wasn't shown since it was just a notification.

The message made Felix curious, but also slightly worried. What did Hyunjin want to talk to Changbin about? Were they fighting?

Felix's thoughts got interrupted when Changbin suddenly appeared from his room. Felix almost jumped away from the phone, and he tried to calm his racing heart.

Inside Changbin's arms was a grey hoodie, which he tossed towards Felix. "It's going to be really cold out there."

"Thank you," Felix nodded, butterflies spreading through his stomach at Changbin's considerate words. He quickly put on the hoodie, and immediately felt warm. It fit him really well, and smelt really nice, like Changbin.

"You're welcome," Changbin grinned, before taking his phone with him.

Felix couldn't help but stare at the phone, remembering what Hyunjin texted earlier.

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind though, and followed Changbin out of his dorm until they left the college.

Felix shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, trying to generate some warmth. He stared at Changbin's swinging arms, and wondered what would happen if he just... intertwined their hands.

So Felix brought out his left hand, inching it closer to Changbin's own. Their hands were just a few centimeters away now, and if Felix moved closer, then they'd be holding hands in no time.

Changbin suddenly looked up and Felix's hand retracted back into his jeans.

"There're many restaurants here, so let's get some food. I'm feeling for some black bean noodles," Changbin said, before facing Felix. "That's okay, right?"

"Yeah." Felix nodded. To be honest, he would be okay with anything Changbin suggested, as long as Changbin was there. "It's okay."

They soon found a restaurant with a very pretty interior that consisted of dim lights, small candles, neat tables and seats, and an overall comforting aura.

Felix liked the place, but then he realized that the restaurant had a pretty intimate feel to it. Suddenly, Felix felt stiff.

Changbin didn't seem to notice this though, and found a table for them to seat. Felix's heartbeat was practically roaring in his ears by now, which contrasted greatly with how quiet the restaurant sounded.

"I'm gonna go get our food," Changbin told Felix. The Australian nodded, realizing that the shorter actually offered to pay for the both of them, and stared at his laps, wiping his palms over them.

He stared at his reflection on the restaurant's glass doors, and could see how distraught he looked. He placed his hands on the beanie on his head, and fixed it.

_Felix, calm down_ , he thought. _Like seriously. This isn't a date. This is NOT a date_. _Not at all_.

Changbin soon came back with their food, so Felix's trail of thoughts stopped then.

The black bean noodles were delicious. So delicious in fact, that Felix almost choked on them at one point (Felix felt bad for Changbin being seen with him at that moment).

Changbin laughed at Felix's reaction, before patting the Australian's arm. "Slow down there, Felix. Slow down."

Felix started coughing then (because _Changbin was touching him ohmygod_ ) and almost finished all of his soda trying to get rid of those damned coughs. After Felix was done, he hid his face behind his (Changbin's) hoodie sleeves in shame.

Changbin looked amused. _Really_ amused. "Do you want more drinks?"

"No, it's okay," Felix answered, his face feeling all sorts of hot right now. "It's fine."

"Okay." Changbin gave Felix's arm a reassuring squeeze. "We're leaving soon, anyway."

After they left, Felix retreated to himself because he was still embarrassed because of what he did.

Changbin noticed this, and hooked his arm with Felix's. "Hey, cheer up. Everyone has embarrassing moments from time to time."

But everyone wasn't Lee Felix. Lee Felix was awkward and clumsy and embarrassed himself way too many times to count. Lots of people hadn't liked being seen with Felix in high school as a result.

Felix sighed. "Thanks, I guess. You were probably ashamed of being seen with me..."

"Of course not," Changbin replied. "I enjoyed today a lot, and I also enjoyed your company. You made everything more fun."

"Yeah. Because my coughing was probably hilarious," Felix sighed, kicking at a stray pebble. "I wouldn't blame you, though. Even _I_ would laugh at myself."

"Felix." Changbin stepped in front of Felix, placing both his hands on his shoulders. Felix froze as he and Changbin maintained eye contact. "Don't say that about yourself."

"...But it's the truth..."

"You're being yourself, and that's all that matters. Don't put down yourself like that," Changbin answered. "And I happen to find that part of you very cute, in my opinion."

Blood rushed to Felix's cheeks, and he avoided Changbin's eyes. "T-Thanks."

Changbin grinned. "You're welcome, Lix."

Felix's heart was racing a thousand miles per second now. He felt an intense wave of euphoria crashing through his body, and it was all because of the beautiful male standing before him.

Before Felix knew it, he moved towards Changbin and pulled him in for a hug, startling the older. Felix placed his head on the crook of Changbin's neck, feeling incredibly safe and warm.

"Thanks for today, Binnie," Felix mumbled. The nickname for the older just slipped out like that, and Felix liked how it sounded on his tongue.

"I...you're welcome." One of Changbin's arms wrapped around Felix's waist, and the other affectionately ruffled Felix's brown hair. "You're always welcome..."


	10. dotted freckles

**FELIX FELT** unusually happy when he entered Math class that Wednesday morning.

He'd spent all of the previous night going over what he and Changbin did before, so much so that he'd barely got any sleep.

He spotted Jisung at the further end of the class, as usual, and also saw Seungmin and Hyunjin present, but no Changbin.

_Maybe Changbin actually got sick this time_ , Felix thought, before taking his seat beside Seungmin.

Seungmin was listening to music again, but gave Felix a wave when the Australian greeted him.

Jisung couldn't sit still at his seat, however, and muttered about leaving it at several points. He whined when Hyunjin smacked his shoulder.

" _Shh_ , please. I'm trying to go over my notes here."

Jisung rubbed the back of his shoulder, and Felix turned around to face Hyunjin.

"Do you think we'll be tested on what we learnt today?" He asked.

Hyunjin stared at him before shrugging. His body language was nonchalant, but his facial expression was a bit tense. "Yeah. Probably."

"All these professors giving us quizzes and tests and assignments. I should just drop out of college and pursue my dream of being a stripper," Jisung commented.

"What the fuck?" Seungmin raised an eyebrow, expression contorted into one of disgust.

Felix couldn't help but laugh as Jisung held up his hands in defense.

"I was just kidding. At least Felix found it funny."

"Felix would find _anything_ funny," Seungmin retorted. Felix would've found it offensive if it wasn't already the truth.

Hyunjin placed his arms on the table and groaned. "Okay, guys. I'm serious now. Let me get something done before the professor comes, _please_."

Seungmin went back to his music and Jisung started writing something down in one of his notebooks.

Felix twirled his pen between his fingers in boredom and tried to do some last minute studying too. But like always, before long, his mind drifted off to thoughts about Changbin.

He wondered if the shorter would make it to class today. He really wanted to see Changbin after the meetup they had yesterday night.

It seemed like his wishes became answered because at that moment, a hooded male walked inside the class and made his way to where Felix was.

Changbin didn't need to pull down his hoodie for Felix to know it was him. How the shorter dressed reminded the Australian of the first day they met, and the thought alone was enough to make a hoard of butterflies flutter around his insides.

"Hi, Changbin," Jisung greeted, and Changbin just nodded in response before seating beside Hyunjin and pulling down the hood of his bright red hoodie (That was the most colourful hoodie Felix had seen Changbin in, and the colour really complemented his eyes and made his skin glow).

Felix's cheeks turned the same shade as Changbin's hoodie when the older caught his stare. The Australian didn't have time to be embarrassed by it though, because Changbin shot a small smile at him right then.

Felix smiled back, and turned around to face Seungmin. He felt like someone was burning holes at the back of his head, and he had a sneaking suspicion that it was Hyunjin.

Changbin didn't say a word all through the first half of class. Hyunjin didn't say anything either, and even if they sat close together, they seemed more distant with each other than with the people they sat far away from.

Felix could feel the tension in the air, and he bet Seungmin and Jisung felt it too. Seungmin chose not to comment on it, however, and Jisung cracked his (kind of inappropriate) jokes as usual, but shot worried glances at Hyunjin and Changbin from time to time.

_______

  
Changbin didn't hang out with Felix, Jisung and Seungmin at Jin's Delights at lunch, and Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen either.

The question Felix wanted to ask weighed down on his chest until he couldn't take it anymore. "...Are Hyunjin and Changbin fighting?"

Seungmin took a sip out of his Coke before replying, "Probably."

Felix thought Seungmin was acting too nonchalant about the matter.

"It's only a matter of time before they make up, though," Seungmin continued. "They're always like that."

"...Oh." Felix stared at his half finished plate of pizza.

Jisung nodded as he flipped through the pages of his notebook. "Yep. Hyunjin possibly did something to piss Changbin off."

Felix's interest was piqued, and he remembered Hyunjin's text yesterday night. "Do...do you happen to know what he could've done?"

Jisung shrugged. "I don't know. And it's not my place to tell anyway."

At this point, Felix knew he couldn't ask any more questions. Jisung looked like he was already suspecting Felix's motives, and Seungmin was starting to look curious.

"Oh, okay." Felix drank his soda, wondering if Changbin was going to be there at Psychology this afternoon.

 

_______

 

Changbin wasn't at Psychology either, to Felix's disappointment. He sincerely hoped that Changbin was okay, and he contemplated meeting with the shorter after all his classes ended.

 

Seungmin and Jisung didn't look _too_ affected by Changbin's absense, and Felix thought that they were probably used to that aspect of Changbin, since they were friends with him longer than he ever was.

 

Which made Felix wonder a lot of things, like if Changbin skipped his classes a lot in high school whenever he went through problems.

 

The class took _forever_ to end, in Felix's opinion. But maybe that was because he was literally staring at the clock on the wall every five seconds. As soon as the teacher left, Felix sped out of the class, not waiting for Jisung and Seungmin to catch up until he was in the halls.

 

"Hey, wait up!" Jisung exclaimed behind him. 

 

Felix turned around to look at the two males in front of him, and gave them a sheepish grin. "Sorry..."

 

"With the way you ran out of that class, I almost thought that you were meeting your secret lover or something," Jisung continued.

 

The comment brought an unnecessary blush to Felix's cheeks, but he got saved from being asked any intrusive questions because Seungmin narrowed his eyes at Jisung.

 

"Secret lover? Really?"

 

Jisung shoved Seungmin's arm. "Yes, _really_. You're just salty that you have no one."

 

"Says the one who only has crushes on straight people."

 

Felix stared at the both of them and started to laugh. He stopped though when they glared at him. "Uh...I have to go over some choreography with Hyunjin. See ya!"

 

Felix _was_ telling the truth, however. He and Hyunjin were going to meet up at the dance studio today to add the finishing touches to their choreography.

 

He was on his way there when his phone buzzed in his jeans pocket, and he took it out, typing in his passcode to retrieve the message.

 

**Hyunjin: i won't be able to make it today**  
**Hyunjin: if you add any more dance moves, just let me know okay :)**

 

Felix slightly slowed down his steps, before picking up his pace.

 

**Felix: okay i will**

 

_______

 

The dance studio was nearly empty, and the last student left as soon as Felix stepped in. 

 

He dropped his bag at the corner, and did some stretches in front of the mirrors. Felix had never particularly liked staring at himself in the mirror, and whenever he did, he never met his own eyes. It was always staring at his eyebrows, or nose, or even his forehead, but never his eyes. 

 

But now, as he stared at himself (actually _stared_ ) he saw a certain vulnerability in his eyes that he didn't like to see at all. Felix felt like his eyes revealed too much about what he felt, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. He often wore his heart on his sleeve.

 

Felix soon started the song that he and Hyunjin were going to use, and went through the choreography again from start to finish.

 

The dance practically required him to look and act confident, and it comprised of both big, explosive movements, and slow, sensual ones.

 

After he finished the last move of the dance (a pose that required him to stare at the mirror and look as intimidating as fuck), he let out a particularly loud sigh and walked towards his bag.

 

Then he heard someone clapping.

 

Felix practically spun around, eyes widening when he took in Changbin sauntering inside the studio. "C-Changbin?"

 

Changbin grinned and waved. "Hi Felix."

 

Felix still couldn't believe that Changbin was right there, in front of him. He quickly ran a hand through his hair. "Huh, hi. What...what are you doing here? I mean--I didn't expect to see you here."

 

"I kinda skipped Psych class because I wasn't feeling too well. I was just walking to my dorm from Creative Writing when I overheard some music coming from here," Changbin explained, gesturing to the black notebook in his hands. "I just realized I never saw you dance before today."

 

Felix scratched the nape of his neck, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous. He'd been told numerous times by people that he was a talented dancer, but at that moment he felt like his confidence was tethering on an unstable tightrope as Changbin's gaze never left his face. "I guess so..."

 

Changbin walked over to him. "You were amazing."

 

"Thank you." Felix ran a hand through his hair again, wishing at that moment that he had his beanie. And _oh_ , Changbin was staring at him again, and Felix didn't know what to do. 

 

"Um...you said you take Creative Writing, right?" Felix tried to change the subject.

 

"Yeah, I do. Kinda took it because I write song lyrics sometimes and I want them to be good," Changbin chuckled, before taking a seat on the floor at a corner. 

 

Felix joined him, staring at the notebook in Changbin's hands. "I never knew you wrote lyrics. That's cool."

 

"Guess we learn new stuff about each other everyday," Changbin answered, before flashing a grin at Felix.

 

His smile was contagious, so Felix started grinning too.

  
Changbin stared at the book as he rested his head in his palms. "Every week, we get tasked with writing new pieces with different themes."

"Well...what's this week's theme then?" Felix asked, genuinely curious. He wanted to know what the shorter wrote about so badly. The fact that Changbin could write just made Felix like him even more than he already did.

Changbin looked up in thought. "Pretty things. Things that I like looking at."

Felix stared at the book, before looking at Changbin. "Well, can I...check some of the things you wrote?"

"Sure," Changbin nodded. "But I'm warning you, a lot of them are full on cringey."

"It's okay," Felix joked. "I won't laugh."

Changbin gave the book to Felix, and the Australian started going through it. Apart from the Creative Writing pieces, Changbin also wrote some short stories and blurbs. There was one thing they all had in common though, and that was that they were extremely well-written and descriptive.

Still, Felix wanted to tease the older. "Wow. You were right. They _are_ cringey."

"Shut up," Changbin laughed, lightly shoving Felix's shoulder. "I know you're kidding."

"I am," Felix admitted, smiling at Changbin. "You're a really great writer."

"Thanks, and you're a really great dancer."

Felix stared at Changbin once again, surprised when he noticed that Changbin was staring at him too. Changbin smiled and winked when Felix met his eyes, which sent Felix's heart into a frenzy.

Felix quietly cleared his throat and continued going through the book. When he got to the more recent writings, he remembered what Changbin said about the new theme for this week.

His eyes fell on the most recent one.

_People find beauty within the sky, or within the sea, or the stars, but I find beauty within something that breathes, that lives, and posesses the purest soul._

_I think about crinkled eyes that brighten up the even the darkest corners._

_I think about wide smiles that come once every blue moon, but still manage to instill happiness into those that witness them when they do._

_I think about sun-soaked skin with dotted freckles scattered about in haphazard, but intentional constellations._

The book was suddenly snapped shut and hidden between Changbin's arms.

"It's not finished," Changbin started, staring at his hands. "So it's kind of horrible."

Felix shakily nodded. His heart was beating at an insane pace, and his mind kept repeating those paragraphs that he read over and over again, _especially_ the last one.

Was...was Changbin talking about _him_?

Felix _had_ to know. "Is this...about me...?"

Felix avoided looking directly at Changbin, so he couldn't exactly gauge what the older's reaction to his question was.

"...Yes." Changbin sighed. "I...thought about you when I wrote this, Felix. Which I totally shouldn't have done, I'm sorry."

Felix faced Changbin. He took in the older's almost crestfallen expression, and noticed how his bottom lip slightly jutted out in the most adorable pout.

"Don't be sorry. I...I find beauty within you too." And Felix placed his hand on the back of Changbin's neck and brought their lips together.


	11. warm touches

**INTENSE HAPPINESS.** That was what Felix felt when he placed his lips on Changbin's.

Ever since that night at the party, Felix had wanted to kiss Changbin again, and now that he did, the kiss was even more fulfilling than the first.

Felix liked the feeling of Changbin's lips against his, since the shorter's lips were as soft and as inviting as he remembered, and they didn't fail to fill his chest with sparks and warmth.

Felix's thumb gently stroked Changbin's cheek as he revelled in the familiar cherry taste of the older's lips, and it was at that moment that Changbin pulled him closer, deepening their kiss.

Changbin was responding positively to him, which had to mean something, right?

The way that Changbin held his face in his hands and kissed him almost passionately made Felix feel incredibly giddy and warm and safe and every other good emotion present, and he almost whined when they had to pull away to get some oxygen.

Felix's heart fluttered rapidly within his chest, and warmth rose to his cheeks at what he and Changbin just did.

And Changbin didn't look too different from him either, with the way his eyes intensely stared Felix down, his cheeks the same rosy colour as his hoodie.

Felix concluded at that moment that he _really_ liked seeing Changbin in red.

"Um," Changbin cleared his throat, genuinely looking speechless for the first time since Felix had known him.

Felix couldn't blame him, as he also didn't know what to say. He stared at his hands. With the silence that was forming around them, the Australian wasn't really looking forward to what Changbin could say next.

What if he got angry that Felix kissed him? What if he told Felix that he never wanted them to kiss again? So many possibilities of what could happen ran through Felix's mind.

"I..." Changbin stared at Felix, "I... liked the kiss. Did you?"

Felix rubbed the back of his neck and shyly nodded. Was it just him or did the temperature of the room turn a thousand degrees hotter? "Yeah."

"Oh...okay," Changbin answered, before standing to his feet. "I uh, I have to go."

Felix quickly stood up with him, his thoughts all jumbled up. He wanted to tell Changbin to stay with him a little longer. He didn't want Changbin to leave. But he found himself nodding instead. "Uh, okay. I-I'll see you later."

Changbin gave him a small smile. "Yeah. See you."

And with a final look, Changbin was gone. Felix stood alone in the empty studio, thinking that maybe he imagined everything.

But he didn't. The kiss felt too real; too _vivid_ , and Felix still felt that warmth that was present on his lips and throughout his body.

_______

 

At night Felix laid awake on his bed thinking about the kiss again. Changbin didn't react as Felix had expected. He didn't seem mad that Felix kissed him, and he even said he liked it.

 

But then Changbin had said that he had to leave, and Felix wasn't sure where they stood, again. 

 

How should Felix approach Changbin now? Would the older even want them to be in a relationship? What about Hyunjin? 

 

**Changbin: hey felix**  
**Changbin: wanna come over?**

 

And Felix was out of his room in a flash. 

 

"Hey, Felix. Where are you going?" Jisung asked from the kitchen. He was in his tshirt and boxers, and was currently digging a hand into a huge packet of chips. 

 

"Uh--" Felix racked his brain for an appropriate response. "To the...the library. Yes! The library."

  
Jisung stared at the Australian's empty arms. "Without any books?"

"I'm gonna use the computers in there for a project." Felix stared at the door, wanting to leave already.

"But don't you already have a laptop--"

"I really have to go now," Felix cut in, stopping Jisung from continuing further. "Please."

"Oh," Jisung shrugged. "Okay."

Felix started walking towards the door.

"And have fun."

Felix looked at Jisung, heart racing. "W-What?"

"At the library. Have fun at the library," Jisung explained, shooting Felix a slight smile.

"Oh. Thanks." Felix opened the door and stepped out. After taking a few steps, his phone vibrated in his jeans.

He quickly took it out and stared at the text on it.

**Changbin: you don't need to come, by the way, if youre busy**  
**Changbin: i dont want to interrupt anything**

**Felix: no no its okay**  
**Felix: im already on my way**

Soon enough, Felix stood in front of the familiar door to Changbin's dorm and knocked on it. Felix was all nerves at this point as he waited for Changbin to answer.

When Changbin did, he let him come in, and then they were both enveloped in silence.

"Is...is your roommate never there?" Felix joked to try and diffuse the awkward atmosphere.

Changbin softly chuckled as he closed the door. "Yeah. He's never there." He walked up to Felix, before slowly taking his right hand in his.

Felix held his breath as Changbin inched closer, and closed his eyes when their lips met. He placed his hands on Changbin's waist and deepened the kiss.

It wasn't long until they were making out on the couch.

Felix liked being like this with Changbin; intimate and undisturbed.

He actually felt like Changbin wanted him as much as he wanted Changbin. With every kiss the older placed on his lips, neck and shoulders, and with every burning touch they shared, Felix felt all the more addicted.

Felix liked the way Changbin held him in his arms after they kissed, liked the way the older lovingly stroked his hair. He felt safe with his head resting against Changbin's chest.

"I like your lips," Changbin had admitted at one point.

Felix was glad that his head was currently leaning against Changbin's chest, because he didn't want the older to see his reddened face. "Oh, r-really? I...like your lips too."

Felix was telling the truth then. He really _did_ like Changbin's lips.

Changbin laughed, and lowered his head so he was face to face with Felix. "Thanks."

Felix covered his blush with his arm. "Y-You're welcome, I guess..."

"Don't hide your face away, Lix."

Changbin was calling him Lix again.

Felix tried so hard not to blurt out 'I like you' and 'Can you be my boyfriend?' right there and then, with how tender Changbin treated Felix. He couldn't utter those words, no matter how much he wanted to. There was always something standing in the way of that happening, and Felix wasn't ready for rejection.

Felix eventually dropped his arm, and didn't resist when Changbin captured his lips with his again. He didn't resist when Changbin ran his hands underneath his shirt.

The sound of a phone call rang through the quiet dorm, and Changbin pulled away, albeit reluctantly, and took the phone, checking who the caller was.

Changbin's expression dropped slightly, and Felix shook his hair out of his eyes and stared worriedly at the shorter, although a bit annoyed at the phone's interruption.

Changbin, to Felix's surprise, watched the phone until the call ended. And when the person called again, Changbin picked up the call and muttered a, "I'll call you later, Jin," before ending the call totally.

Jin...

_Hyun_ jin?

Changbin stared at Felix, but the Australian wouldn't let him meet his eyes. "Felix--"

"I should go, right?" Felix bit his lip, and he took Changbin's silence as confirmation.

Changbin followed him to the door. "I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, Felix."

Felix nodded. "Yeah. See you." Before he left though, he snuck a quick peck on Changbin's cheek, and before the older could react, Felix was already on his way.

Felix's heart felt heavy as he walked in the direction of his dorm. The previous feeling of exhileration that he experienced when Changbin touched him had been replaced by a dull ache.

Hyunjin had called Changbin, and they were probably going to meet up later. The thought itself displeased Felix greatly. That seemed to be the only emotion Felix felt when he saw Hyunjin and Changbin together, and as he entered his dorm, he came to a realization about something.

Felix really, _really_ wanted Changbin to be his, and his alone.

_______

 

Felix wanted more of Changbin's kisses, but he couldn't get them throughout the week. 

 

Changbin seemed to almost always be with Hyunjin, and they seemed to have made up with the way they talked and hung out with each other now. 

 

Hyunjin also seemed happier when he and Felix met in their Dance classes, and Felix didn't want to be a bad friend by wishing that Hyunjin and Changbin weren't back together, so he shoved all those thoughts to the back of his mind and pretended that he wasn't affected.

 

Were crushes always _this_ confusing? 

 

_Yes_ , they were. Especially when Felix's crush liked Felix back while being with someone else.

 

And said crush also happened to be in some sort of open relationship, which meant that Felix could be with him. But if that was the case, then why wasn't Changbin saying anything?

 

And why didn't he look as happy as Hyunjin?

 

_______

 

It was on Friday afternoon that Felix decided he couldn't take the silence anymore.

 

He decided to text Changbin.

 

**Felix: you and hyunjin seemed to work things out between you**  
**Felix: i'm glad**

 

The speed at which Changbin replied astonished Felix.

 

**Changbin: yeah, we did**  
**Changbin: and thanks**

 

**Felix: are you okay?**

 

**Changbin: i am**  
**Changbin: you saw me during math earlier, right?**

 

**Felix: i did, but you didnt look happy**

 

**Changbin: i was kind of stressed**  
**Changbin: i mean who wouldnt be stressed at math amirite?**

 

**Felix: lol youre right**  
**Felix: but if you want somebody to talk to, i'm here okay?**  
**Felix: i'm a good listener, and i wont just kiss you**

 

Felix couldn't believe he pressed send on that message. He really needed to control himself at times, and now he wanted to burrow his head under his blankets in shame.

 

**Changbin: lol right**  
**Changbin: but if we kiss there won't any need for you listening ;)**

 

Felix stared at Changbin's text for a few seconds without knowing what to text back, his face burning. 

 

**Felix: uh okay**  
**Felix: ;;;)))**

 

**Changbin: ;;;;))))**

 

**Felix: ;;;;;)))))**

 

**Changbin: okay this just turned weird lmao**

 

**Felix: yeah haha**

 

**Changbin: well i have to go now lix**

 

**Felix: to meet hyunjin?|**  
**Felix: to mee|**  
**Felix:|**  
**Felix: where?**

 

**Changbin: im just sleepy zzZ**

 

**Felix: oh okay**  
**Felix: see you**

 

**Changbin: yeah see**

 

Changbin didn't complete his text, which meant that he must've really fallen asleep. Felix chuckled to himself at that and placed his hands on his chest, staring at the ceiling and feeling content. 

 

But then he realized that he never got to ask Changbin what their relationship was in all of this.

 

_Damn it_.

 

_______

 

Felix was on his bed at night surfing the net on his laptop when his phone rang.

 

His heart skipped a beat when he spotted Changbin's contact name on the screen.

 

Swiping the screen to answer, Felix placed the device next to his ear. 

 

"Hi, C-Changbin," Felix started. Although the Australian was elated that Changbin actually wanted to speak to him on the phone rather than text, he still mentally berated himself for stuttering. 

 

"Who is this? Is this actually Felix?" Changbin joked. "Or is this a demon?"

 

"Hey!" Felix exclaimed, and Changbin burst into laughter. Even through the phone Changbin's laugh sounded beautiful. "Take that back."

 

"I won't," Changbin chuckled.

 

"Then I'll hang up," Felix warned, even though he was smiling. 

 

"Okay okay. I take it back." Changbin sighed. "You're no fun."

 

"So are you."

 

Felix could feel Changbin smiling on the other line. 

 

"I'm already feeling better, thanks to you," Changbin spoke. His words sent shivers down Felix's spine, and he was blushing so hard.

 

_Shit_. Was Changbin doing this on purpose?

 

Felix nervously cleared his throat. "Y-You're welcome."

 

Changbin took some time to speak after. "...I decided to take up your offer, because I genuinely want to get some things off my chest." He paused. "Is that alright, Lix?"

 

Felix nodded, before turning off his laptop. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. I'm here to listen."


	12. you're adorable

**"SO...WHAT** do you want to talk about?" Felix asked Changbin, leaning his back against the wall and pulling his pillow close to him.

"Well--" Changbin paused, holding his breath, "promise you won't tell anyone."

"...I won't," Felix promised. Now, Changbin had all of his attention. What could the shorter possibly say that he didn't want anyone else apart from Felix to know? "I promise."

"Thanks," Changbin replied. "Well...lately I've been feeling very lonely. Have you ever felt lonely, Felix?"

Felix nodded, before realizing that Changbin couldn't see him. "Yes, I have."

Felix had felt lonely a lot of times. The first was when he'd first came to Korea with Rachel when he was fourteen. He didn't know the language very well then, and found it hard to fit in with the kids around his age. Felix found it very hard to make friends since then.

"I see," Changbin answered. "Well, as I said before, I've been feeling very lonely. I mean--it's kinda weird saying so since I'm surrounded by you and my friends everyday, but sometimes, someone can feel alone even while being with others..."

Changbin's voice lowered as he spoke until it became a whisper, and Felix hugged his pillow as he listened, wanting to comfort the shorter.

"Felix...are you there?"

"I am," Felix answered, "I'm listening, remember?"

This made Changbin chuckle, which was Felix's goal. He didn't like the way Changbin's voice wavered; he just wanted him to be happy.

"Thanks."

"Do you...have anything else to say? I'm always here, you know. I never sleep," Felix stated, before adding, "well, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

Changbin laughed. "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have. What are doing right now?"

"I'm listening to you speak." Felix didn't know how he said that without stuttering, but somewhere during the call Felix started feeling comfortable talking to Changbin.

"Apart from that," Changbin said, and Felix could hear the smile in his voice. "What else are you doing?"

"I'm just..." Felix thought of the right words to say, "not really doing anything apart from resting on my bed..."

"Me too," Changbin replied. He sighed. "To be honest, I don't really know why I called you. I...could've called Seungmin, or Jisung, or I could've went to Hyunjin's dorm, but, I just found myself dialling your number..."

Felix stared at the design of his bedspread. His heart felt like it was fluttering. "S-Should I take it the wrong way?"

"No!" Changbin almost exclaimed. "I mean--no, you shouldn't. I called you because I felt the need to. I find you trustworthy."

Now, Felix's heart was _definitely_ fluttering.

"Thank you..."

"You're welcome." Changbin replied. "...Are you still awake?"

"Well, yeah. I never sleep that much, so."

Changbin let out a small laugh. "Well, I have another thing to say."

"Okay." Felix laid on his bed and faced the ceiling. His dorm was quiet, which either meant that Jisung had went out, or he'd gone to sleep.

"At night, I feel restless," Changbin revealed. "I can't sleep that well, and I think about things that happened when I was younger."

"...Can I ask what happened?" Felix was a bit hesitant when he asked that question, since he didn't know how the older would've reacted to it.

Changbin also seemed hesitant in answering. "It's kinda something that I prefer not to talk about. I...didn't know why I said that in the first place when I can't even talk about it."

"No. It's fine," Felix cut in. "I...have some things too that I'm not ready to tell anyone yet..."

Felix was right. There were some things about him that he'd only tell someone he was very, _very_ comfortable with.

"Well, thanks for listening to me, Felix. I appreciate it," Changbin added. "I don't feel as lonely with you around."

_God_ , Changbin was doing things to Felix's heart. Lots and lots of things.

Felix smiled. "You're welcome." Then he added, "I don't feel as lonely with you around either. And I'm totally not flirting with you right now. _Totally_."

_Fuck_. Felix really had to watch his mouth. It could get him into trouble.

Changbin took some time to answer, and it was literally the most nerve-wracking thing ever.

"It _did_ sound like you were flirting, though," Changbin finally answered. Was it just Felix, or did Changbin's voice turn lower and more teasing? "Or am I wrong, Lix?"

Felix heart raced in anticipation. "N-No, you aren't..."

Changbin chuckled. "Okay." He paused. "And...you're absolutely adorable. And I'm totally flirting with you right now, Lix. _Totally_."

And that was how Felix found himself in Changbin's dorm being pinned to the wall and getting kissed senseless by the older.

_______

 

"...and I realized that we haven't spent time together as much as before-- _Felix?_ Felix."

 

Felix blinked and stared at his sister, who looked very done with him at that moment. 

 

They were in some bubble tea shop that Felix didn't remember even entering, and seated at some table that Felix didn't even register seating at.

 

Felix stared at his strawberry flavoured boba. "What, Rachel?"

 

"I've been talking to you for the past minute and you haven't even been paying attention to me."

 

Great, Rachel was speaking Korean now, which meant that she was probably pissed.

 

Felix folded his arms on the table. "I'm sorry. I just have a lot of things on my mind."

  
He had only one thing, or _person_ , on his mind though, and he couldn't stop thinking about him and what happened between them.

Everything had gone really great, and Felix had woken up in Changbin's arms, which he didn't mind at all.

What Felix _did_ mind, however, was getting interrupted by Changbin's roommate when he and Changbin were making breakfast together.

"You're getting distracted again," Rachel spoke, drawing Felix out from his thoughts. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." Felix slightly cowered under Rachel's gaze when she kept on staring at him.

"Felix, you're a shit liar. I can see through you," she answered. "Come on. You can tell me what's up."

Felix stirred his bubble tea. "I...I don't know how to talk about it."

"Are you experiencing difficulty in your classes?" Rachel cut in, "it's not too late to get a tutor--"

"No! It's not that. I'm passing my courses."

"Is it about making friends?"

"Trust me, I have friends now."

"Then...is it about that mystery guy?" Rachel shot Felix a teasing wink, which made him groan. "It's totally about him, isn't it?"

"I...yes." Felix couldn't lie to his sister for long. She was too good at figuring him out.

"Then how's it going between you two? Have you asked him if he likes you yet?"

Felix took a sip from his tea. "...Not exactly."

"You didn't take my advice, did you?"

"I...I did, kind of."

"What do you mean?"

Felix avoided his sister's eyes as he spoke his next words. "He kinda wrote something while thinking about me. I read it and I...kissed him, and he liked it--"

Rachel full-on squealed, attracting the attention of the other customers. Felix sank further into his seat, wondering if he made the right decision by telling his sister about what happened.

"Okay," Rachel inhaled a breath, "I need to control myself."

"Rachel, you're embarrassing me..." Felix whined, drinking his bubble tea.

"I'm not," Rachel pressed. "This is your first kiss ever since fourth grade--"

Felix drank his drink even more, not stopping until he was finished (but he didn't eat the bobas, what a shame). After, he stood up from his seat. "I'm going now."

"But--wait, Felix." Rachel copied his actions, her drink long forgotten. She was smiling at her brother's peculiar behaviour. "Wait!"

"See you later," Felix said, increasing his pace. He was blushing so hard, and it didn't help that Rachel was laughing at how he was acting. She'd probably catch up to him soon, even though he was taller.

_Damn it._

_______

 

"When did you say your birthday was again?" Jisung asked Felix while crossing his arms on the table.

 

They were at Jin's Delights on a Sunday afternoon instead (since Jisung had called every one here to hang out), and several students were also present in clusters around the restaurant.

 

"I never did," Felix corrected, "but it's September fifteenth."

 

Jisung's eyes were blown so wide that he almost looked comical. "That's so cool. I've met another September baby!"

 

Seungmin scoffed from where he sat beside Felix. "I'm also born in September, Jisung."

 

"But you're not born a day after me! Felix and I are practically twins," Jisung exclaimed, before taking both of Felix's hands in his, to the Australian's surprise. " _Soulmates_."

 

"Uh," Felix's eyes darted from side to side.

 

Changbin laughed beside Hyunjin, though his eyes wouldn't leave the area where Jisung's and Felix's hands connected.

 

"Jisung, leave Felix alone," Hyunjin jokingly said, narrowing his eyes at Jisung. "You're gonna scare him away."

 

"I won't," Jisung pressed, before facing Felix. "I bet he likes me the most out of all of us."

  
"Keep dreaming," Seungmin muttered, making Felix erupt into a fit of giggles.

The sound completely surprised everyone, and they all stared at Felix, which made him a bit uneasy.

"W-What?" Felix asked, pulling his hands away from Jisung. He avoided looking at a certain person's eyes though, since he felt nervous looking in his direction.

Jisung loudly squealed, garnering everyone's attention. "Felix, you are _adorable_."

If this was an anime, Jisung would've had stars shooting out of his eyes.

"Jisung you are _such_ a creep," Seungmin stated.

"I agree," Hyunjin added, eating his food.

Felix's cheeks felt hot, and he looked up at that moment to meet Changbin's eyes.

Changbin flashed him a smile that made Felix's cheeks burn even more. When Changbin noticed this, his smile widened.

Felix fixed his beanie.

Beanie fixing count: No. 37383937272557738181

 

_______

 

"Anything on your mind, Lix?" Changbin asked Felix that Sunday night. 

 

Felix's head was currently on Changbin's lap, and he stared up at Changbin when the older asked that question.

 

Felix wondered if his face was really that readable. He'd been thinking about what happened after lunch at Jin's Delights. 

 

After they'd finished eating, they'd all gone to a park and Hyunjin and Changbin had immediately seperated from them. They were by themselves the whole afternoon, all smiles while looking like the picture perfect couple.

 

It bothered Felix greatly. 

 

"I--Does H-Hyunjin know a-about this? A-About us?" Felix was stuttering so bad, and felt embarrassed. Changbin didn't look bothered about it though, in fact, he'd never looked bothered when Felix stuttered.

 

Changbin's hand gently stroked Felix's hair, and the Australian leaned into his touch. He loved it. "No."

 

"Why...?" 

 

This was the most Felix had delved into the topic of his and Changbin's relationship, and it kind of scared Felix. He didn't want to ruin anything. 

 

Changbin furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "I can't do it right now. Hyunjin's...unpredictable. I don't know how he'd react."

 

"But...aren't you allowed to see other people?" Felix asked, staring at Changbin's face and admiring his features.

 

"...Yeah, we are." Changbin slightly smiled at Felix. "It was I who suggested it, afterall. Hyunjin just...didn't like it at first."

 

Changbin didn't continue his words, and Felix had a feeling that he didn't want to say any more, so he kept his mouth shut.

 

"Okay, Changbin." Felix adjusted his position so he was seated on Changbin's lap, and draped his arms on the shorter's shoulders (Felix honestly didn't know why he did this, but he was feeling too comfortable to not try anything daring).

 

Changbin looked caught off-guard by his actions, but he managed to quickly hide it. "F-Felix?"

  
Changbin stuttered, and Felix felt kind of accomplished, in a weird, twisted way.

"Yeah?" Felix asked, staring directly at Changbin. Then he gave an overexaggerated wink, which totally ruined the moment.

Changbin laughed, wrapping his arms around Felix's waist. "You're literally something else, Lee Felix."

"Shh," Felix gave a corny smile, "you love me."

_Okay_ , Felix didn't know where _that_ came from, but he was all for taking risks today (or tonight).

Changbin smirked, before pulling Felix closer to him. "More than you know," he muttered, before bringing their lips together.


	13. precious nutella

**FELIX WOKE** up particularly early that Monday morning. He didn't know why he did though, as he still felt tired and his limbs felt heavy. His room was dark, too dark, but there was no way he'd pull open the curtains.

Felix was definitely not a vampire, but he didn't like bright light on him so early in the morning.

So, he groggily crawled off his bed, his hands instinctively reaching for his phone and pulled it off from its charger.

"Shit," Felix hissed when he turned on the phone. Its brightness almost blinded him, and when he tried to cover his eyes with his arm, his elbow collided with a drawer, which hurt like a bitch.

It was almost as bad as hitting his toes with a door or a table leg.

Eventually, Felix got over the pain, lowered his phone's brightness and checked his messages. After he'd left Changbin's dorm yesterday, they had spent the whole night texting each other.

As he scrolled through the texts, he could feel a smile creeping on his face.

Something as simple as reading Changbin's texts made Felix feel so many things. They made his heart beat as much as it did when he was actually texting the shorter, and they instantly made his morning better.

But then Felix remembered that he had classes today, which dampened his mood a little, but then he remembered that he was also going to see Changbin.

He wondered how their interactions were going to be like.

Was Changbin going to boldly flirt with him today? Or was he going to save that for when they were alone?

Felix went over what Changbin had told him yesterday about Hyunjin. He said that he was the one who originally wanted them to have an open relationship. Felix also remembered that Changbin mentioned Hyunjin not liking the idea at first.

So that meant that Hyunjin was okay with it now, right? But then, if Hyunjin was okay with it, why was Changbin so hesitant about telling him about what he and Felix were doing?

Felix pushed those thoughts away for the time being, and walked to the bathroom to wash his face (he almost bumped into the wall too many times to count).

When he did, he took the time to observe his face. He face looked sort of bloated, as it always looked when he woke up, and he also spotted a bit of baby fat here and there. Felix had been quite a chubby child, and adolescence slimmed him up. But he had to work for it too (by using some measures that he wasn't _too_ proud of).

He didn't understand it when people called him adorable. For someone to be adorable, they at least had to have some babyish features, like rounded cheeks, right? So were they trying to tell him that he had big cheeks? Or were they trying to tell him that he was gaining weight again?

Felix grimaced, before wiping his face with a face towel and exiting the bathroom.

Now that he was awake, he had to find something to do before he started his classes. Felix didn't like that he woke up so early, but now, there was nothing he could do. He rarely went back to sleep after he woke up.

He dragged his feet towards the living room and went towards the light switch. Flicking it on, he registered a shadow in the kitchen, and let out a manly cry (he actually screamed but let's ignore that for now).

The shadow also screamed. "What--! What's there!"

With the shadow's voice, Felix immediately knew it belonged to Jisung. He suddenly felt embarrassed for screaming.

"W-What were you doing with the lights off?" Felix asked, clearing his throat when he heard himself stutter.

Jisung shrugged. "I was too lazy to turn the lights on. And I figured you were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you up." Jisung opened the fridge. "And, I'm hungry."

Felix stopped himself from letting out a long sigh. He flung himself down on a seat by the table, and watched as Jisung went through the contents of the fridge.

Jisung was in a navy blue hoodie, and in some shorts that reached his knees. Looking at those shorts, Felix remembered Changbin in his, and now his face was turning red.

Jisung, unfortunately, caught Felix's stare. He paused, before bringing out some stuff from the fridge and closing it. Placing them on the table before Felix, he sat down across from him.

"I noticed your stare," Jisung started, his voice low. "And admit it. I'm hot, right?" He tried to keep a serious face, but ended up trying to stifle his laughter instead.

Felix placed his head on one of his palms. "No."

"Ouch, it hurts," Jisung said, clutching the left side of his chest. "Anyway, what are you doing up so early?"

"I'm a bit restless," Felix answered, drawing invisible circles on the surface of the table.

"Oh," Jisung nodded, before smiling. "I'm kinda surprised, since you've never left your room this early before." He stared at the stuff in front of him. "Now, you can keep me company."

Felix nodded. "Wow, Seungmin was right. You _are_ a creep."

Jisung laughed. "But if I was a creep I'd be one of those cool, hip ones that people like hanging around with."

Felix scrunched up his nose. "I don't think those kinds of creeps exist."

Jisung grinned and shrugged. "Y'know?" He stared at Felix. "You're actually pretty cool and funny when you want to be, and it took this conversation for me to figure that out. I like you."

Felix froze. Jisung said his words lightheartedly (like he always did), but Felix, being his anxious, over-thinking self, thought too much about them. This resulted in him staring at the table and using a slightly shaky finger to rub his nose. "O-Oh, okay."

"Hey, Felix. You alright?"

Felix stared up, meeting Jisung's eyes. When did the older get _this_ close? Was Jisung always like this around his other friends? "Yep..."

Felix took the nutella jar beside him and shook it in front of Jisung. Jisung's eyes lit up at the jar in front of him, and he immediately got distracted from what he'd said a few seconds ago.

"You want it, right?" Felix asked. Jisung nodded. Felix pushed it towards the brown haired male. "Then take it."

Jisung took the jar, a wide grin overtaking his features. " _Ah_ , my precious nutella."

"You're weird," Felix chuckled.

"I owned up to it a long time ago." Jisung leaned in and ruffled Felix's hair. "And you should, too."

Felix felt confused. "I'm not weird."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You _are_. Want some bread and nutella?"

"Sure."

_______

 

After Felix's (admittedly weird) bonding session with Jisung, he was more than ready to face the day ahead.

 

He was being sarcastic there. No matter how great a Monday could start, there was always something, or some things, that would turn the day for the worst. 

  
Number one; it was how Changbin dressed during Psychology. Now, this wasn't a bad thing at all, it was just how distracting it was. Changbin looked so good in his skin-tight grey shirt and black leather jacket. And he was even wearing a choker.

A _choker_.

Felix was dying.

Was Changbin doing this on purpose? It seemed so, by the way he shot Felix semi-smug smiles ever so often.

And when he and Changbin submitted their project to the professor, Changbin not-so-subtly bumped into him numerous times, and when he did, he gave out half-assed apologies, smiling when he saw how flustered Felix got.

_Yep_ , Changbin _definitely_ knew what he was doing.

Number two; Felix and Hyunjin had to perform their self-made choreography today, in front of the entire class.

Now, Felix had expected this, but that did nothing to lower his anxiety levels. He was super nervous, and when he was nervous, he was prone to making many mistakes.

He also didn't want to let Hyunjin down, since their grade depended on their performance.

"Good luck, Felix," Hyunjin wished before they stepped on the platform they had to perform on.

Felix nodded. "You too." Hyunjin didn't look like he needed it, though. He wasn't as nervous as Felix was. He was a natural. Felix was just a mess.

The students gave them encouraging smiles, and a girl by the name of Lisa turned on the music for them.

Felix tried so hard not to stare at the instructor's hard eyes, but he felt like every move he made was being scrutinized by the man.

Hyunjin was certainly doing better than him, and Felix tried to keep up by not making any mistakes or messing up their synchronization.

Before Felix knew it, the dance was over. He finished it without making any mistakes, but he still felt that he could've done better. He felt stiff a majority of the time when he was dancing, and he was pretty sure everyone in the class could see that.

"Good job," Hyunjin whispered to Felix, and Felix just nodded.

"Thank you. You too."

He didn't feel like he did a good job, though.

The teacher's expression didn't change in the slightest, but everyone was used to that by now already.

For the rest of the class as Felix watched the other students perform, he felt a prickle of worry beneath his skin telling him that he and Hyunjin had gotten a bad grade because of him.

Number three; the way Hyunjin stuck by Changbin's side throughout lunch.

By now, Felix should've been used to Hyunjin's displays of affection towards Changbin, but he couldn't help the frown that settled on his face when he saw Hyunjin's arm slung around Changbin's shoulders.

Changbin didn't seem to mind it, and chatted with Jisung and Seungmin about something while Hyunjin watched over him like some bodyguard.

Was it just Felix or did Hyunjin seem more touchy than usual? It looked like Hyunjin didn't want to let Changbin out of his sight, with the way he held on to the shorter and made sure his attention was on him most of the time.

And those kisses. _God_ , those kisses. Whenever Hyunjin pecked Changbin's cheek or lovingly pressed his lips against the shorter's, Felix felt like he was deflating.

He wanted to have _this_ with Changbin. He wanted to be the only one who could kiss the shorter like that out in public, with no need to hide anything.

Felix's mood soured as lunch went on, and when he couldn't take it anymore, he excused himself and didn't come back to the restaurant until the lunch break ended.

At Math, things weren't as bad as Felix had predicted.

They were worse.

Felix long ago gave up on following what the man teaching them was saying. He placed his head on his desk for most of the class, blocking out everyone and everything.

_______

 

_Recent Google searches:_

 

_-ugghhh webwiekrjediekwoep_  
_-how to get over someone goddammit_  
_-how to get over someone when theyre dating someone else_  
_-how to get over someone when you dont really want to_  
_-how to get over someone you really like??_

 

_Fuck_ , these Google searches were literally the most useless things ever.

 

Felix went through so many articles and blogs and forums and advice columns that he felt his eyes were practically planning their funeral.

 

He'd been seated on his bed with his laptop for almost two hours, binge eating some nutella sandwiches (because nutella was life). Jisung would kill him, but frankly, he didn't care at that moment.

 

Felix was anxious, angry, frustrated and was experiencing a sugar rush. Together, they were _not_ a good combination.

 

Soon enough, Felix fell on the bed and let out a long sigh. What was he even doing? What would this achieve when deep down, he knew the feelings he had for Changbin weren't going to die anytime soon?

 

Felix needed some fresh air.

  
He decided that he'd take a walk. Walks were good. He'd be able to clear his mind if he took one.

Before Felix got off his bed though, he got a text message on his phone.

Felix had wished that his heart wouldn't flutter when he read that message, but it still did.

**Changbin: hi felix!**

Felix didn't know how to reply. His mind was too alert and his palms were clammy. Why was he being like this?

**Changbin: i know youve seen my message lol**  
**Changbin: but you arent responding**  
**Changbin: anything wrong?**

**Felix: no i'm fine.**

**Changbin: you sound pissed**  
**Changbin: are you pissed?**  
**Changbin: did i do something wrong?**  
**Changbin: pls tell me if i did**

**Felix: i'm not**

In fact, Felix was. Well, not really. He was more confused and frustrated than pissed off. He could never be pissed off at Changbin.

**Changbin: you dont usually reply in short messages like that**

**Felix: i'm just not feeling that well.**

**Changbin: is it about what happened today?**  
**Changbin: if it is then im sorry**  
**Changbin: hyunjin is just really possessive of me at times**

Felix stared at the message as he brought the jar of nutella back into the fridge.

He wondered if there was a reason as to why Hyunjin was suddenly acting like that.

**Felix: it's ok**  
**Felix: you dont have to apologize**

**Changbin: okay :)**  
**Changbin: can i call you?**

Felix wanted him to. Very badly. But he just couldn't deal with anything right now.

**Felix: uh no**  
**Felix: i'm going out to take a walk so**

**Changbin: oh**  
**Changbin: okay see you later then**  
**Changbin: bye**

**Felix: bye**

Felix sighed before leaving his phone in his room. He was taking a walk and he didn't know how long that would take.

Maybe, if he had taken his phone, he would've seen this message.

**Unknown: you're playing a dangerous game, lee felix**


	14. bday boy (1)

**JISUNG JUMPED** on Felix's bed that Wednesday morning, startling the younger and almost making him fall off the bed.

"Felix! Wake up dude!"

Felix's eyes snapped open, and he was legit freaked out when he saw Jisung's face peering over him. He sat up, pushing himself away from the older. "What? What is happening...?"

Jisung pointed to himself and exclaimed, " _This_ guy just turned nineteen today! Whoo!"

Realization dawned on Felix, and he smiled at Jisung and tried to look happy for him. "Happy birthday, Jisung."

Honestly, Felix had forgotten that Jisung's birthday was today. He'd also forgotten that he was also turning nineteen tomorrow. _That's_ how terrible he was at remembering birthdays.

"Thank you," Jisung answered, nodding at Felix. Then he looked around Felix's room, observing the interior. "You know, I've never actually _been_ in your room before today."

Felix realized this too, and pulled his blankets closer to him because he didn't want Jisung to see how loose and thin his clothing was. "Yeah, I guess. But...you can leave now."

"But I'm the birthday boy. So that means I can do whatever I want," Jisung teased, to Felix's dismay. "Are you hiding anyone in here?"

"...No. Now please, get out."

"Ow. Seungmin's been teaching you really well." Jisung chuckled, before adding, "I'll see you soon, Felix. Gotta let everyone else know it's my birthday first."

Felix rolled his eyes, but he let himself smile. "Okay. See you."

Felix actually wasn't looking forward to attending his classes today. He didn't get much sleep, as he was pondering over the anonymous text message yet again.

Who was the person? Why did they text what they did? And why did they not seem to like him?

Felix decided at one point that he'd ignore the text for now and focus on more important things, like getting ready for his classes without feeling like bashing his head against a wall.

_______

 

"Guys, guys, guys, it's my birthday today," Jisung said as soon as he and Felix met up with Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin at Math. 

 

Some students who heard this wished Jisung a happy birthday, to which he replied with a, "Thank you."

 

"I know," Hyunjin groaned. "You texted me that like, twenty five times already. Not to mention, I'm your _friend_ , so of course I know it's your birthday."

 

His tone didn't deter Jisung in the slightest. 

 

Felix took a seat beside Changbin and pulled down the black hood that covered his head. He rubbed his hands together, not really knowing how to face Changbin at that moment.

 

"Happy birthday, Jisung," Changbin told the birthday boy, "even though I've already wished you a happy birthday several times through texts and calls already."

 

"But it's nothing compared to real life!" Jisung argued. 

 

Changbin shrugged. "Okay, sure. Whatever you say. Anyway, I'm already planning a party for you tonight, and it'll go until the next day. So it'll be like a joint party, since Felix's birthday is tomorrow."

 

Jisung's smile tranformed into a grin. "Sweet!" Then, he turned to Seungmin. "Where's my happy birthday?"

 

"Happy birthday, idiot."

 

Hyunjin cackled, and Jisung's smile morphed into an annoyed pout. Despite Felix's dampened mood, he also couldn't help but smile a little at how savage Seungmin was.

 

Then he felt Changbin's eyes on him. 

 

"Hey," Changbin muttered, drawing Felix's eyes to his. "You're coming to the party tonight, right?"

 

Felix found himself nodding even though he didn't fancy the thought of attending another party today. He didn't want to go anywhere in general, but he guessed that he'll just have to suck it up. "Yeah."

 

Changbin smiled. "Cool." He gestured to his own black hoodie. "We're like, wearing the same kind of hoodie today. They're like couple outfits, but less cringey."

 

Felix realized how similar his and Changbin's hoodies were at that moment. The thought of them seeming like they were wearing couple outfits made a tingling sensation come over Felix. 

 

He cleared his throat, before gripping at his pen. "Y-Yeah, we kinda do."

  
When did he get so awkward around Changbin again? It looked like they were back to how they were when they first met, and Felix didn't know how to feel about that.

Changbin stared at him with an unreadable expression, but didn't say anything else.

Classes came and went, and Felix went through them without even grasping the information that was given by his professors. He knew that it'd come to bite him in the ass later, but now, he didn't care.

He kind of wished that his birthday wasn't tomorrow, so he'd have an excuse just to stay home. Maybe he could fake being sick. Yeah, he could, but he wasn't a good liar.

Felix just didn't want to see Hyunjin and Changbin acting all in love with each other anymore.

 

_______

 

When lunch break arrived, Felix told the others that he had some work to complete, and spent his lunch in the library.

 

Actually, the library wasn't all that bad. It had air conditioning, and everywhere and everyone was quiet. 

 

Felix didn't mind skipping lunch to hang out at this place. He wasn't even feeling that hungry anyway. 

 

Felix spent some time surfing the net on his laptop, glad that he was seated at a corner which gave him some privacy. He also used his hoodie to conceal his face from other people. 

 

He tried to read some notes his teachers had sent to him through emails, but soon enough he got distracted by his thoughts. 

 

Especially thoughts about Changbin.

 

Why couldn't the older just leave Felix's head? Why was he always thinking about him? It was torture, but in the best kind of way.

  
Someone took a seat before him.

Felix looked up from his computer, and he swore his heart almost stopped when his eyes landed on Changbin's hooded form.

"Hey," Changbin smiled.

Felix was surprised at his presence, but also sort of puzzled. What was the shorter doing here? Wasn't he having lunch at Jin's Delights?

"Hey, Changbin." Felix relunctantly closed his laptop, wondering what Changbin was going to say next.

But when it looked like Changbin wasn't planning on saying anything anytime soon, Felix took the initiative to speak.

"So...what are you doing here?" He asked. "Don't you have to be at Jin's Delights, or something?"

"I told the others that I had stuff to do, so," Changbin replied, clasping his hands together. "...What about you? What are you doing?"

"Well...I was going over some c-course work the teachers sent, and I...searched some things on the Internet." The way Changbin intently listened to whatever Felix said made him stumble on his words a couple of times. Soon, he just stopped and stared at the table, thinking it was the most interesting thing ever.

"Hmm, okay," Changbin nodded. He folded his arms on the table and thought about something. "I...I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay. Uh, you can ask me." Felix couldn't help but notice how pretty Changbin looked from this angle. The older was just effortlessly stunning.

"I don't know how I should phrase this. I...I don't know if this is just me, but, you've been acting kind of...distant with me lately. And I know it's probably weird that I'm thinking about this, but I really want to know if you're...ignoring me, if I'm right or wrong, and why you're doing it."

"...I'm not ignoring you." Felix knew he was lying, and he knew Changbin knew it too. He was bad at lying, afterall. The older was staring right at him, so Felix avoided his eyes.

"Is it...about Hyunjin and I again? If you want, I'll tell him. I promise I'll tell him soon about us."

Felix bit his lip as he looked at Changbin. Even though the shorter was promising him something, his facial expression looked hesitant about the whole thing. Felix ended up shaking his head. "If you don't want to do it now, you can always tell him later...or something."

Changbin nodded, and then, they were enveloped in silence again. And it wasn't a fully comfortable one.

"You know, I really miss our hang outs," Changbin stated, tapping his fingers on the table.

Felix couldn't hear the sound they made since his heart was beating too loudly. "M-Me too."

"I dunno if you, uh, maybe," Changbin cleared his throat, "wanna hang out after classes today. Before the party. At my dorm." Changbin smiled at Felix. "That is, if you want to."

Felix kept his expression blank, even though he was feeling happy inside. He wanted to tease the shorter for a bit. "No. I don't want to."

Changbin's jovial expression faltered, but he managed a rather stiff nod. "Okay. It's fine."

Felix giggled, before releasing a grin. "I was just kidding."

Changbin was caught off-guard by the Australian's grin, and he blinked, before grinning too. "Cool. T-Thanks."

Felix nodded, liking the fact that Changbin was paying attention to him again.

_______

 

"Do you think we'll get a good grade in our Psych project?" Felix muttered against Changbin's chest.

 

"Yeah, duh. Because I'm smart," Changbin stated.

 

Felix faced the shorter. "What about me?"

 

"You're alright."

 

Felix playfully punched Changbin's chest. "...You're really arrogant."

 

"I'm not," Changbin defended himself, "I was just kidding, Lix."

 

Felix nodded, kind of feeling immensely tired. He stopped himself from shutting his eyes though, since he didn't want to suddenly sleep on Changbin. That would be weird. 

 

"What would be weird?" Changbin asked, placing his head on Felix's shoulder. 

 

_Shit_. Felix spoke out his mind again. His face felt warm, and Changbin stroking his hair did nothing to bring down that feeling. He was sure his face was the colour of a stop sign by now. "N-Nothing."

 

"...If you want to tell me anything, you can," Changbin said, before chuckling. "I can be a good listener too."

 

Felix smiled. Since his head was on Changbin's chest, he could feel his heartbeat. It was slow and steady, and it calmed the Australian.

 

Felix had some things that were burdening his mind, and he was sure that if he talked about at least one thing, he could maybe feel better.

 

Felix took a deep breath before he started speaking. "On Monday, Hyunjin and I performed our choreography in front of the class."

  
"Really? The one I saw you perform?" Felix nodded. "I bet you guys did great."

"I mean...Hyunjin did great." Felix started picking at the material of his hoodie. "I felt like I could've...done better."

"You made mistakes?" Changbin asked.

Felix shook his head. "No, I didn't. I just--I got so nervous performing a dance that I spent weeks practising. I couldn't even look the other students in the eye. I-If I can't even do that, how am I supposed to cope when I have to perform more complex dances later on?"

Felix let go of the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Felix, don't think that way," Changbin replied, bringing Felix closer to him. "I saw how you danced, and you were really incredible, and I know everyone can see that. You just have to have more confidence in yourself and your abilities, okay?"

"Yeah," Felix nodded, "I will." He mentally went over Changbin's words again and again, until it became like a broken record.

"Great!" Changbin ruffled the taller's hair. He smirked and tapped on the tip of Felix's nose with his finger. "Boop."

Felix laughed, before tapping Changbin's nose too. "Boop."

"You're so fucking cute," Changbin grinned.

"I'm not..."

"You are."

"Nope.

"Yep."

"I'll kill you if you say that one more time."

Changbin smiled. "You're cute."

"I--" Felix groaned. "You're so... _impossible_."

"I bet you love it."

"I-I do."

_______

 

**Unknown: you're playing a dangerous game, lee felix**  
_sent on friday 4:56 pm_

 

**Felix: who are you** **?**

 

**Unknown: someone you know**

 

_______

 

Felix was all nerves when he entered Changbin's residence that night. 

 

He wondered if his parents were ever home, because they were never around when he threw his parties.

 

Once again, students littered the compound, and loud catchy music populated the area.

 

"Look at this!" Jisung exclaimed beside Felix as he gestured to the students wishing him a happy birthday. "All this, for _me_."

 

"And Felix, dumbass," Seungmin added.

 

Felix regretted drinking alcohol at that moment, because he almost sputtered it out due to the redhead's words. 

 

"Yeah, yeah. And you too, Felix," Jisung spoke, waltzing around the area. Wherever he passed, different students greeted him and then Felix, which was a bit overwhelming for the Australian.

 

Felix's eyes roamed the students for one particular face, and he exhaled a sigh of relief when he spotted him seated on a couch with a couple of other guys.

 

"Guys!" Changbin jumped up from the couch. "You came pretty early."

 

"Of course I'll come early. It's _my_ birthday party after all," Jisung proudly answered.

  
Seungmin smacked the back of his head.

"Yeah, we came," Hyunjin spoke, drinking from his cup and wrapping his arm around Changbin. "Well, I came because I wanted to see you."

"Ew, gross. PDA," Seungmin muttered to Felix, and the Australian forced a smile.

"I heard you," Changbin spoke, narrowing his eyes at the redhead. Seungmin ignored him and went somewhere with Jisung, which left Felix with Changbin and Hyunjin.

"Do you want more drinks?" Changbin asked, walking over to Felix. "I want to make sure you're more comfortable."

Felix nodded, smiling despite feeling Hyunjin's eyes on him. Why was Hyunjin watching him like that? It wasn't like he and Changbin were doing anything that involved making out in front of him.

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm gonna hang out with Felix for a bit," Changbin told Hyunjin. "I'll meet up with you later."

Hyunjin nodded, and after giving the two males a slight smile, he left.

With Changbin's eyes on him now, Felix's heartbeat accelerated (or maybe it was just the alcohol that was doing that to him, but Felix didn't think so).

"Okay, so what do you wanna do, birthday boy in advance?" Changbin asked with a grin.

(Felix liked the black and silver theme Changbin's clothing had going on. The shorter also had on eyeshadow that shone when the light hit it at the right angle. Changbin looked like a hot fairy.)

Felix felt ecstatic. Unlike the previous party, Changbin was actually _talking_ to him, and they were going to hang out a lot too. "I dunno. Get drinks, like what you suggested before?"

The alcohol made his words slower, but also made him less likely to stutter.

Felix liked the way Changbin's arm hooked around his own as he dragged them to the kitchen, which also had students in there.

Seeing Felix, they wished him a happy birthday in advance, and the Australian thanked them. He felt nervous with all their eyes on him though, and he found himself hiding behind Changbin even though he was taller.

Changbin laughed when he noticed this, and grabbed a couple of drinks for him and Felix.

"There're a lot of people in here," Felix stated after he started drinking his alcohol. "Like _a lot_. And I don't even know that many of them."

Changbin shrugged, watching as Felix almost finished his bottle of alcohol. "Well, you kind of get used to it after some time."

Before Felix could ask what he meant by that, Changbin dragged him through the crowd of students.

"Remember when you and Seungmin played those party games?" Changbin asked him once they were in a corner by themselves.

Felix nodded. "...Yeah. We played Spin the Bottle when you came..."

Changbin nodded. "Do you remember what happened after that?"

Yes. Felix did. It was the first time he and Changbin kissed, and even though it was short, it didn't fail to bring so many positive feelings to Felix. "Yeah..."

Changbin smiled, before he linked his hands with Felix's. "Good." As they walked, he looked at Felix. "It was after that party that I realized that I liked you. Like, _a lot_."

Felix blushed. He couldn't even hide it, and he was sure everyone was staring at his cheeks by now. He took another sip of his drink.

Maybe, if he got drunk again, then he'd be able to do things with Changbin without worrying about what others thought. He wouldn't be his awkward self again, and Changbin would like him more.

"Hey, slow down there," Changbin laughed when Felix started taking more and more alcoholic drinks.

Felix nodded, before grinning at Changbin. "I will. Do you...do you wanna dance?"

The alcohol was working already, and to Felix's delight, Changbin nodded.

Then, they were with the other students, dancing to the catchy music. Felix liked being this close to Changbin, and liked being able to dance with the older without his anxiety taking over.

Changbin proved to be particularly distracting, with the way his arms wrapped around Felix's waist in an almost possessive manner, and the way his lips were so close to the Australian's ear.

Felix really wanted to kiss Changbin.

So he did.

He actually did, this time. In front of the other students.

Felix pressed their lips together, the warmth inside him spreading like wildfire. Changbin's lips molded perfectly with his, and he loved it. He gently tugged on Changbin's shirt to pull him closer, as he wanted to taste Changbin. All of him.

He fucking loved the addictive rush that came with kissing Changbin. He couldn't get enough of it.

He lovingly stroked Changbin's cheek, happy that the older seemed to be loving their sudden make out session too.

When Felix pulled away, he hugged Changbin and giggled. "You're hot."

(From this point on, whatever Felix said was due to his drunk state.)

Changbin chuckled, planting kisses along Felix's jawline. The Australian squealed because they tickled. "Thanks."

"You're like, exceedingly hot. Like...out-of-this-world hot. Like, the spicy kind of hot. Do you know that? I...bet you do. Do you think I-I'm hot too?" Intoxicated Felix was quite the talker, and he was too drunk to feel embarrassed about his words. He genuinely wanted to know if Changbin thought he was hot, though.

Changbin laughed, and Felix's features turned into a pout. "I think you're-- _Hyunjin_?"

Felix furrowed his brows, because, even though he was drunk, he knew that he was _definitely_ not Hyunjin. "But, I'm not Hyunjin."

"What the hell are you guys doing?" A new voice showed itself, and Felix pulled away from Changbin's hold. Turning his head, Felix spotted Hyunjin's figure.

And Hyunjin did _not_ look happy.


	15. bday boy (2)

**"UH...HI,** Hyunjin," Felix slurred. He didn't like how agitated Hyunjin looked, and tried to say something to diffuse the sudden tense atmosphere.

Hyunjin's eyebrows were furrowed, and a mass of emotions swirled within his eyes. And he wasn't looking at Felix. He was looking at Changbin.

"What were you doing with Felix?" He asked the shorter in a sort of domineering tone. It almost looked at as if was scolding Changbin instead of simply asking him a question.

Before Changbin could speak, Felix opened his mouth. "We were kissing...and I'm so, so sorry if that offended you. It's just that Changbin is like, _really_ irresistable..." Felix's words halted to a stop when Hyunjin's frown deepened. The Australian should _really_ keep his mouth shut at times.

Hyunjin ignored Felix, _again_. "Say something, Changbin."

"We did what Felix said," Changbin let out, "...but you really have no right to be angry."

"Of course I kinda do," Hyunjin snapped. "Don't you remember what happened last time?"

Honestly, Hyunjin looked like a parent chastising their misbehaving child, and Felix didn't like seeing Changbin without a smile on his face.

Changbin frowned. " _This_ is different, Hyunjin. Don't talk about that again, please."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, and Felix felt incredibly lost. He felt like he was witnessing something out of a movie, and he wasn't allowed to partake in it.

"Fine," Hyunjin sighed, glancing at Felix before watching Changbin again, "have fun with Felix, then."

His body language showed defeat, but his eyes held pure fire in them. It honestly freaked Felix out a bit.

Changbin's frown vanished and he let out a tired sigh. Folding his arms, he answered Hyunjin. "I will."

Hyunjin looked like he was holding himself back from saying something, and with the way his lips twitched, it didn't look like it was anything good.

"Whatever." He spun around and left Felix and Changbin, and even if students partied like crazy around them, they couldn't share in their excitement.

Felix stared at the male beside him, noting how drained he looked. He really didn't like seeing Changbin like that, so he nudged the older, attracting his attention.

"Do you wanna go out? To get some fresh air?" Felix was glad that he didn't stutter his words. He felt a bit nervous with Changbin's eyes on him like that, and whatever just happened between Changbin and Hyunjin didn't help him calm down in the slightest.

Felix was afraid of the shorter turning him down. He didn't want Changbin to suddenly leave him by himself (even though he had Seungmin and Jisung to talk to).

Finally, Changbin nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

They made their way throughout the throng of students, and spotted Jisung beside the door, chatting up a couple of other students.

When the brown haired male caught sight of them, he waved. "Where are you guys going?"

(It was a wonder how Jisung didn't sound drunk already, which meant that he _really_ partied excessively for a living.)

"To get some air outside," Changbin answered.

Jisung's eyebrows rose, and his smile widened. "Oh, okay. _That's_ new. Well, see you later, then."

Changbin shrugged. "Yeah. See you." He laced his hands with Felix, which caught the Australian off-guard. His touch sent warm sparks throughout Felix's body, and he loved it.

He and Changbin had to pass a number of students before they could get outside. The cool and breezy night air invaded Felix's skin, and goosebumps rose on his arms.

Felix hugged his bare arms, staring at his dark sneakers.

Changbin noticed how cold Felix felt, and took out his jacket, handing it to Felix.

The Australian was surprised at his action. "But...what about you?"

"I don't get cold easily," Changbin replied with a small smile. "Now take it."

Felix was still a bit hesitant. Changbin's jacket looked warm and comforting, but the Australian didn't want Changbin to get cold because of him.

Changbin stopped in his tracks, and stepped behind Felix. "If you don't want to wear it, then I'll just force you to," he remarked with a chuckle.

Felix could feel Changbin's breath lightly fanning his ear as he put the jacket on him, and used his soft hands to push Felix's arms through the sleeves.

As soon as the jacket was on, Felix felt warmer, but he still felt a bit guilty. With the drunk part of himself dissolving due to the biting night air, Felix felt himself reverting back to his antsy and overthinking self, and he didn't like that at all.

Changbin smiled when he took in the sight of Felix. "You're warmer now, right?"

Felix nodded. "Yeah. Thanks..."

They started walking again, enveloped in a (somewhat) comfortable silence. Felix thought back to when they went out together, and when he'd tried to hold Changbin's hand only for the shorter to look up at that moment.

Felix contemplated trying it again. He stared at Changbin's hand, and the more he thought about holding it, the more tempting it got.

Felix took a deep breath, and shifted a bit closer to Changbin. He stretched out his hand until it was just a few inches away from Changbin's, and bit his bottom lip when his hand finally interlocked with the shorter's own.

A giddy feeling overtook Felix's body, and a mass of butterflies flew around his stomach.

He didn't know why he was feeling like this. It wasn't like that was the first time he and Changbin held hands, and they'd even kissed already. But, Felix was still internally fangirling (or fan _boying_ ) inside.

Changbin looked surprised by this, but he didn't move his hand away. He kept his hand in place, and he even tightened his hold.

A surge of courage went through Felix, and he brought their hands into the pocket of Changbin's jacket to make them feel warm.

"I-I don't want you to feel cold," Felix reasoned. His heart was beating so fast, and the grin that Changbin carried didn't make things better.

"Thank you, Lix." The shorter inched closer to Felix until their shoulders and arms brushed.

Felix felt content like this. He felt like he was finally feeling comfortable, but a question kept on resurfacing in his mind. He didn't know if it was the right moment to bring it up, and he didn't want to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere that he and Changbin had going on.

"Um, can I...ask you something?"

Changbin stared at him, and Felix had a sneaking suspicion that Changbin already knew what he was going to ask. "Shoot."

"...What were you and Hyunjin talking about earlier? I mean--what did he mean when he talked about ' last time'?" Felix paused, realizing that the question might've been _too_ intrusive. "If you d-don't want to answer, it's totally fine. I didn't know why I asked anyway..."

But Changbin shook his head. "It's okay, Lix. I don't really want to talk about it, so I'll just say this: I had a bad relationship in high school. I can't tell you more, though."

"Oh, okay," Felix answered. Changbin's tone was really hesitant and the Australian was even surprised that the older even told him anything.

"Let's focus on other things," Changbin contunued, snapping Felix out of his thoughts.

"...Like what?" Felix asked. He gulped when he registered the shorter's face so close to his, and he hoped that he wouldn't end up doing something that would be embarrassing.

"Like your birthday," Changbin glanced at his watch, "which is coming up in a few minutes."

"Oh, right."

"You don't sound excited."

"I'm never really excited for my birthday." Changbin's thumb ran over Felix's knuckles, and he liked it a lot.

Changbin stared at him. "Can I ask why?"

Felix shrugged. "It's just something that I don't place much importance on. Sometimes...I don't even remember my birthday until someone tells me."

Felix never really liked celebrating his birthday. He usually spent it alone with his sister and other relatives, and his birthdays always reminded him of how lonely he was.

"Wow, that's new," Changbin commented. He was so close now, that some strands of his hair tickled Felix's cheek.

Felix grinned. "Come on. I can't be the only one."

"Probably," Changbin laughed. "But...this birthday's going to be different."

"Why?" Felix breathed out.

Changbin released a smug smile. "Because...you have me!"

The Australian blinked, shock taking over his features. He ended up laughing. "Right..."

"Felix, I'm not kidding."

"O-Oh." Changbin's words were making Felix's heartbeat escalate, and the Australian became tongue-tied.

Changbin leaned his head on Felix's shoulder. "Make a wish, Lix."

Felix stared at Changbin, and felt how their hands were intertwined. He wanted this all the time. He wanted to spend as much time with Changbin as possible, and he loved it when the older was around. Changbin made the Australian feel things that he never thought he was capable of, and he made him _happy_.

And who didn't love being happy?

"I--I want us to date. Be my boyfriend."

_______

 

Felix felt extremely drowsy the moment he opened his eyes, so he immediately shut them again. He felt warm with the soft blanket that covered him, and he didn't ever want to wake up at that moment.

 

But then Felix realized that he had classes today! 

 

His eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up, wondering where the heck he was.

 

He didn't recognize the room he was in, as it didn't look like his dorm room, and it surely wasn't Changbin's dorm room either. 

 

A momentary feeling of panic crashed over Felix as he took in the blue walls of the spaceous bedroom.

 

The door slowly opened, catching the Australian's attention almost immediately. His breath hitched when Changbin walked in.

 

The shorter had a surprised expression on his face when he spotted him. "Felix, you're awake."

 

"Yes," Felix nodded. He stared down at his clothes, relieved when they were the same clothes he wore at the party. He looked back up at Changbin. "But...what am I doing here? Where is this place?"

 

"It's my house," Changbin smiled almost sheepishly, "you were already asleep earlier today so I let you stay in my room."

 

Felix slowly nodded, trying to ignore his gradually burning cheeks. He stared around the room. "But...what about our classes."

 

"The weather's been really horrible since six am. I doubt we'd have classes today." Changbin sat on the edge of the bed. He was wearing a sky blue hoodie that matched with the walls of his room. Felix couldn't look away. "Are you hungry? I made some food."

 

Felix found himself nodding, and Changbin pulled him up from the bed and led him out of his room.

 

As he and Changbin walked through the house, Felix realized a few things:

 

1\. The house looked bigger than it did when students were in it, and it looked even more expensive (if that was possible). It also possessed a kind of hallowness to it, and it gave off an empty and lonely feeling.

 

2\. He and Changbin were obviously alone in here. 

 

3\. The house was cleaner than it looked yesterday, and Felix wondered who cleaned it.

 

When they got to the living room, Felix admired its exquisite walls and furniture, and he could even see his reflection on the polished floors. 

 

Without thinking, Felix muttered, "Doesn't anyone live here?" He quickly realized what he said, but Changbin didn't look offended.

 

"No, not really. My mother and step-dad aren't around much, and my sister and I don't really hang out here much either..."

  
"Oh, okay. I'm sorry for asking that question, though..." Felix ran a hand through his hair in order for it not to become messy.

"...It's okay." Changbin pointed at where the kitchen was located with his thumb. "I'll...go get the food."

Felix nodded and sat down in front of a wide table, almost feeling afraid to touch the piece of furniture.

He tried to remember what happened yesterday night and early this morning, but it was hard to do. He figured he'd remember them soon, and he hoped that he didn't do anything embarrassing or humiliating when he was drunk.

Felix soon heard Changbin's footsteps on the floor and a plate of food that looked like it belonged in a restaurant slid in front of him.

"Here you go," Changbin said, before taking a seat next to Felix. "I hope you like it."

(Changbin sounded so shy when he said these words and Felix found it incredibly adorable and he really wanted to hug the shorter.)

Changbin had his own plate, and he'd brought some drinks along too.

Soon, they started digging into the food. Everything tasted amazing to Felix, and now that he knew Changbin was a good cook, he liked him even more.

"How was it?" Changbin asked. He placed his head on his folded arms and studied Felix's expression.

Felix immediately nodded, taking a sip out if his Sprite. "Yep. The food was really amazing." He paused. "What time is it, by the way?"

Changbin softly laughed at how abruptly Felix changed the subject. "It's past twelve noon."

"What?!" The Australian's eyes widened. He was asleep for _that_ long? And what about Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin? What were _they_ doing now?

Changbin laughed even more, and brought the empty plates and drinks to the kitchen despite Felix wanting to help.

When he returned, he sat back down beside Felix and started fiddling with his hoodie sleeves (the hoodie's material looked soft and cuddly and that look oddly suited Changbin).

"Do you...remember what happened earlier today?" Changbin asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His lips were curved up into the faintest smile.

Felix racked his brain, but the memories remained locked away from him, which was really frustrating.

Did he do something that was worth remembering?

"N-No, I don't," Felix answered, "I was probably drunk then."

Changbin nodded. "You _were_ , by the way."

"Did...did I do anything embarrassing?"

Changbin grinned. "You called me hot a couple of times. With like, a different adjective each time."

Felix groaned, burying his head into his hands. It didn't help that Changbin was laughing at his reaction.

"And...you said something else."

Felix met Changbin's eyes. "What did I say?"

"...You asked me to be your boyfriend."

Felix froze, and then the memory of that time started rushing in like a broken dam. His heartbeat sped, and heat slowly rose to his face. He went into panic-mode, and Felix on panic-mode was _not_ something pretty to witness.

"Fuck. I-I'm so s-sorry I asked that. Just ignore it or s-something. I-It was just my stupid drunk self talking," Felix rambled, his words coming out too quick. He even sounded more drunk than how he sounded when he was _actually_ drunk.

Changbin stared at him for some seconds, before nodding. "Right. Okay."

A thick silence encompassed them, and the Australian didn't know how to break it. Felix didn't like the silence, and it felt as if he said something wrong.

Felix really tried to look for something to say, so he literally ended up blurting what came to his mind next. "I want to take a shower. Can I?"

Changbin obviously didn't expect those words, and Felix didn't expect himself saying them either. Eventually, he nodded and stood up. "I'll take you to the bathroom. And I'll give you some of my clothes to wear too."

"Thank you," Felix spoke, happy that Changbin was talking to him again.

He still felt worry pricking at his insides, though. He knew other things took place at the party, but he couldn't remember them, and Changbin wasn't saying anything about them either.


	16. bday boy (3)

**THE SHOWER** Felix had cleared his head and put some things into perspective for him. He was completely aware of his surroundings now, and what he'd asked of Changbin ran through his head over and over again.

He couldn't believe he had asked Changbin to be his boyfriend. It was a good thing that he'd blamed it on how drunk he was, because he didn't want Changbin to feel weird around him or stay away from him.

It was obvious that Changbin probably liked having short flings instead of relationships, because he and Hyunjin had an open relationship kind of thing.

So, Felix probably made Changbin uncomfortable when he asked that question.

And it didn't help that he started remembering bits and pieces of Changbin's and Hyunjin's conversation soon after.

Everything muddled up into this confusing and frustrating mess, and it literally hurt Felix's brain just thinking about it.

Luckily, Changbin had already put down the clothes in the bathroom for Felix to use, so the Australian didn't have to go through that awkward scenario of asking him for clothes when he was half naked.

He speedily put everything on, brushed his teeth with a spare toothbrush, and admired how he looked on the mirror. He was practically wearing Changbin's clothes, and the thought shouldn't have made Felix blush, but it did.

Felix ruffled his damp brown hair, and he sighed, because the colour was starting to look dull on him. He always dyed his hair back in high school, but then he lost all motivation and just...stopped.

He thought about dyeing his hair again as he left the bathroom. He admired how the house looked once again, and fortunately, he didn't get lost wandering the halls.

Felix wondered where Changbin was, and contemplated the possibility of the shorter waiting for him in his room.

Felix kind of felt disappointed when he entered and the room was empty. Seating on the soft bed, Felix spotted his phone a few centimeters away and checked it, surprised that the battery wasn't dead.

He had numerous messages that spammed his phone, and he thought about not checking them for a second. When he did, he wished he didn't.

 **Jisung: heard youre staying at changbins house**  
**Jisung: have fun ;) even if you will be missed**  
_sent 6:56 am_

Felix didn't even know how to reply to Jisung's message.

Nevertheless, he typed out a reply, because he hated being left on 'seen', and he was sure most people hated it too.

 **Rachel: where are you, felix?**  
**Rachel: ive been trying to get you but you wouldnt answer your phone >>:(**  
**Rachel: and happy birthday btw**  
_sent 8:18 am_

Felix should probably answer Rachel before she went full stalker mode on him.

 **Felix: im at a friend's place don't worry**  
**Felix: and thank you >>:)**

Felix checked the next message.

 **Seungmin: changbin let you stay at his place, which is very surprising** **since he almost never lets anyone in his house unless its for a party**  
**Seungmin: and i hope youre okay**  
**Seungmin: p.s. we dont have classes today dont worry**  
_sent 8:21 am_

**Felix: i'm okay** **, and thanks :)**

Felix checked the next message, and he was a bit hesitant in answering it because it was from Hyunjin.

 **Hyunjin: hi felix**  
**Hyunjin: i'm sorry for how rude i acted yesterday towards you**  
**Hyunjin: i really mean it**  
**Hyunjin: ive also been trying to reach changbin, but he isnt answering any messages** **or calls** **.**  
**Hyunjin: maybe you could talk to him for me...?**

Honestly, Felix wasn't mad at Hyunjin. He couldn't even remember much of what he and Changbin talked about anyway.

 **Felix: it's okay hyunjin**  
**Felix: and i'll talk to changbin**

So, that meant a majority of his friends knew he was at Changbin's place. Apart from Jisung's... _encouraging_ text, no one seemed bothered that he was with Changbin.

Felix went over Seungmin's texts in his mind, wondering what the red head meant by that.

"I thought you were lost there for a moment."

Felix's head snapped up to look at the person approaching him, and his heart fluttered when his eyes landed on Changbin. "Uh, I wasn't. I was just replying to texts."

Changbin nodded, before chuckling to himself. "I sat in the living room waiting for you to show up, but when you didn't I decided to look for you. I honestly thought you were trapped in a room or something."

Felix chuckled at that too. "I'm bad with directions, but not _that_ bad."

"You look cute," Changbin said after a few seconds of silence. Felix got surprised at his words, and he genuinely didn't know how to answer.

When Changbin said he looked cute, did he mean cute as in ' _aww you're cute_ ', or cute as in ' _you're pretty cute ;)_ '?

Honestly, the answer should've been pretty clear to Felix, but with everything happening lately, he didn't know what to think. 

 _Crap_. He was over thinking again.

"B-Because I'm wearing your clothes...right?" Felix asked, trying to keep a neutral expression on. He didn't want the shorter to see that he was getting flustered because of a single comment.

Changbin's eyes shone in amusement. "Yeah. Probably."

Felix's cheeks felt like they were on fire. It was so obvious that Changbin was flirting with him. Felix quickly got off the bed without tripping over, which was a new record.

"Do you have any idea of what we could do?" Changbin asked him as they headed towards the living room.

 _Make out?_ "I'm not sure..." Felix played with his (Changbin's) sweater sleeves. He really liked how the shorter's clothes felt on him. "Whatever you want."

"We could watch a movie." Changbin headed to where the (flat screen) TV was, and fixed Felix with a smile. "How about that?"

"Sure," Felix replied. He sat down on the couch, watching as Changbin went through the movie options, before settling on one.

After getting some popcorn, he sat down beside the Australian and remarked, "Romantic comedies are a guilty pleasure of mine."

Felix didn't expect this from Changbin, but he knew that the older was full of surprises already. "Really?"

Changbin nodded, turning so he could face Felix squarely. "Yeah. Do you also like them?"

"Not really," Felix answered, "I don't mind them though. Not at all..."

Felix's shoulders were basically grazing Changbin's own by the time the movie began. He tried not to focus on it by eating his popcorn and paying attention to what the characters were saying, but it was of no use.

Granted, the movie was entertaining and funny at times, as romantic comedies should be, but the warmth of Changbin's body was much more interesting.

Changbin was too distracting, and he didn't seem to notice Felix's mental turmoil as he was really absorbed into the movie.

The shorter looked great whenever he smiled or laughed at what the characters said and did, and Felix found himself watching him more than he was watching the movie.

Eventually, Changbin noticed his stare. "Felix?"

Wordlessly, Felix inched closer to Changbin, his heart beating erratically against his ribcage. He didn't know what he was doing, and he was afraid of what Changbin's reaction was going to be.

As he leaned against Changbin's chest, the shorter wrapped his arm against his waist, bringing him closer. Changbin's chest was as warm and as comforting as Felix remembered, and his attention on the movie was long gone.

All Felix thought about was how close Changbin was to him, and how his touch affected him. He also liked listening to Changbin's heartbeat, and the shorter's heart was beating quickly, mirroring Felix's.

"Your heart is beating _really_ fast," Felix whispered with a chuckle. He was glad the the movie's volume wasn't too high, since he didn't want anything to disrupt this moment. The Australian was feeling extremely comfortable, and only Changbin could do that to him.

"I'm sorry," Changbin whispered back. "I'm just...nervous around you."

"Nervous around me?" Felix was appalled. He didn't know how someone as bold and flirty like Changbin could feel nervous around someone like him. He traced invisible patterns on Changbin's chest, but stopped when Changbin's breath hitched.

"...Yeah. I get nervous around you sometimes."

Felix looked up at Changbin, but the older's eyes were fixed on the TV before them. "Why?"

"Well...you're really attractive. Not just physically. I always enjoy your company." Changbin paused, before meeting Felix's eyes. "I...can't get enough of you."

Butterflies were too overrated. Giant somersaulting boulders felt more like it. That was what Felix felt in his stomach at that moment. Heat rapidly rose to his face, and he could do nothing to hide it. Changbin had definitely witnessed his blush.

Felix really wanted to say something to break the silence between them, but he knew that if he said something, he would probably just end up making a fool out of himself.

Luckily for Felix, Changbin took the initiative to speak. Except that he didn't speak. He captured Felix's lips with his instead, which was alright by Felix.

Felix couldn't really express himself with words, but he could with his actions. He quickly responded to the kiss, running his hands through the shorter's hair. He felt wanted, as Changbin's kisses were firm, yet soft and gentle.

Felix smiled to himself when he could taste the cherry flavour Changbin's lips always seemed to carry. The Australian never thought he could like cherries that much.

Felix didn't think about anything else while he was kissing Changbin. Everything around him slowed, and the only thing that the Australian could process was Changbin caressing his arms and torso with his warm hands.

What was the name of that movie again? Felix heard a lot of chatter in the background. The noise increased, and Felix pulled away to look at what was showing, which turned out to be a fight scene.

The scene looked hilarious, and distracted the two males from what they were doing.

Changbin broke out into the cutest laughter Felix had ever heard, and the Australian was too humoured by the movie to feel upset that their make out session got interrupted.

Felix started laughing too, leaning into Changbin's comfortable hold. He was right about the shorter being a good cuddler, but Felix didn't have a lot to compare to. He never really cuddled anyone when he was younger besides his parents, but he highly preferred the ones given by Changbin.

But, since Felix's mind wasn't occupied with Changbin's kisses now, different thoughts started forming inside his head. Felix remembered Hyunjin's request, remembered him asking Changbin to be his boyfriend, and remembered Hyunjin and Changbin talking in front of him yesterday night.

He couldn't fully immerse himself into Changbin's touch now, but he didn't do anything to move away. When the movie credits rolled in and the screen turned black, Changbin's eyes locked with Felix's own.

"You okay?"

Felix could hear the distant pitter-patter of rain, and it sort of calmed him. "Um, yeah. I just...wanted to tell you something."

Changbin's full attention was on Felix now. "What is it?"

"Hyunjin tried...talking to you, but he said you weren't responding. He wanted me to tell you this, by the way."

"Hmm," Changbin nodded, but didn't say much else.

"But i-it's weird, because he could've just came over instead," Felix rambled on, feeling Changbin's eyes on him.

"I don't let people into this house if I haven't already told them in advance..." Changbin admitted. He gave a slight smile when he saw Felix's puzzled expression. "It's really weird, I know."

It was the same thing Seungmin texted, and it kind of confused Felix, especially when he was staying at the shorter's house right this second.

"Why?" Felix asked. Changbin's hold on him tightened, and he didn't mind it at all. He did, however, mind how tense Changbin suddenly became.

"It's just something that I used to do a lot in high school." Changbin's answer was incredibly vague, just like the other answers he gave when Felix asked him about something that pertained to his personal life.

The Australian stopped himself from asking any more questions about the subject, as he knew it was none of his business, and he and Changbin didn't know each other that well anyway.

Felix realized how little he knew about the shorter right there and then. He had a huge physical attraction towards Changbin, but he didn't know much about his personality apart from what he saw in their classes and when they were alone.

"Oh, okay."

"Anything else you wanna ask me?" Changbin was staring at Felix again, which never failed to make him both nervous and flattered.

Felix opened his mouth to say something, when he registered nothing but darkness, which really startled him. He couldn't see anything.

"Well," Changbin muttered, sounding completely unaffected, "the power went out."

"O-Oh." Felix knew how nervous he sounded right now. He could totally hear Changbin chuckling next to him. "You're laughing."

"I'm sorry." Changbin sat up, and the Australian reluctantly moved away. "I'll just check the fuse or turn on the generator. But for some reason, I don't want to do that."

"Why?" Felix asked. He couldn't see Changbin, but he could feel the shorter's hand on his arm.

"I love dark," Changbin laughed, and the sound filled Felix's chest with warmth. "I always wanted to try something out." He stood up, leaving Felix on the couch and used the Australian's phone for light. "I'm gonna get the candles. Be right back."

"Okay." Felix didn't mind the darkness much, but at some point it started to feel overwhelming and almost suffocating. It brought back memories that he could greatly do without, and he heaved a sigh of relief when Changbin showed up with the candles at that moment.

The shorter lit them up, and soon Felix could see the outline of Changbin's face and jaw, and he was transfixed. The older's face was bathed in a pretty orange glow, and Felix realized just then how close he and Changbin were.

"It feels like we're summoning spirits or something," Changbin joked, and Felix couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah..." Felix was super aware of his and Changbin's close proximity now, and it made his heart race. "Well, what do you want us to do?"

Changbin smiled. "Let's get to know each other, Felix. I was thinking about us asking each other questions in this kind of setting."

"You mean, you want to know about me?" Felix asked, and Changbin nodded. He knew he'd agree anyway, even though he really didn't like talking about himself. But, he couldn't say no to Changbin, and he wanted to know more about the shorter too."Oh, okay."

"Since I'm older, I get to go first," Changbin teasingly stated.

Felix chuckled. "How about _I_ go first...since I'm taller?"

He wanted to get a reaction out of Changbin, and he smiled when he did.

"Hey!" Changbin exclaimed, and Felix burst out in laughter. "That won't be fair."

"But what you said wasn't fair either." Felix was really feeling more comfortable around Changbin, and he mentally contragulated himself for not stuttering. "But...you can go first."

"Okay." Changbin nodded, staring at the candles in the distance. "First question: favourite colour?"

"I...don't have one. All colours are great."

Changbin nodded along to his words, though he looked a bit surprised.

Felix asked the next question. "What about you?"

"I like black," Changbin replied, "but I also like red and blue too, I guess."

"Favourite season?"

"Autumn. What kind of animal do you like?" Changbin asked.

"I like cats," Felix chuckled, "but...dogs are great too. What about you?"

Changbin grinned, staring at Felix. "I like animals too much to choose. What are your hobbies?"

"I like dancing, and I also listen to music."

"I listened to music a lot in high school." Changbin folded his arms on his lap and let out a short laugh. "I listened to and played music so much that my friends got irritated at me."

Felix asked his next question without thinking too much about it. "...How did you meet Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin?"

Changbin's eyes narrowed in thought for a while before they met with Felix's. "Jisung was in several classes of mine, so we just clicked. He introduced me to Seungmin, and we didn't get along at first, but we became friends later on."

Felix was surprised. "Really? Why?"

Changbin also took some time in answering this question too. "We...met around when I started to know Hyunjin. Seungmin was really crazy over Hyunjin then, and...when Hyunjin and I started seeing each other, he really didn't like it."

"...Oh." Felix didn't know what else to say. He never knew that Seungmin could ever have feelings for Hyunjin.

"Seungmin's over Hyunjin now though. He refers to that time in high school as his dark ages of crushes or something," Changbin laughed, leaning his head on his palm.

Felix chuckled in response, somewhat relieved that Seungmin didn't feel that way about Hyunjin again.

"I got to know Hyunjin through Jisung too," Changbin continued. "We were friends for some time but then some...things happened, and then we got together..."

Felix watched as the flames on the candles flickered side to side over and over again, unstable and unbalanced. They described the Australian's emotions right then, and at that moment one emotion ruled over the others.

 _Jealousy_.

Felix was jealous, and he hated that feeling. He wanted to be the one who met Changbin earlier, and maybe, _just_ maybe, he would be the one dating Changbin instead. The intensity of that emotion scared him, and he tried not to focus on it too much right now.

Felix tried not to reveal anything about how he was feeling. "Oh, okay."

But Changbin totally noticed, though. "Felix...?"

Felix inhaled a deep breath. "W-What _are_ we, Changbin?"

Changbin looked at Felix, his face unreadable. The Australian really wanted to know what Changbin was thinking then. He was incredibly nervous to hear what the shorter had to say, and his racing heart did nothing to help matters.

"We are friends. But...I'd like to be more than that with you. I genuinely want to be your boyfriend Felix," Changbin said, before sighing, "and...that thought both scares me and intrigues me. But..."

Felix tried watching Changbin, but the older was avoiding his gaze. "But what?"

"I can't." Changbin bit his lower lip, and his expression looked totally broken. "At least, not right now. Some pretty shitty things happened to me...and they're preventing me from wanting to be _more_ with someone."

Felix stared at his lap (well, where he _thought_ his lap was). He wished his heart didn't feel as heavy as it did at that moment. "Is it about H-Hyunjin? Is it about you guys' realtionship?"

(Felix hated how clingy and sad he sounded. It was one of the many aspects that he couldn't stand in himself. He was such a baby at times.)

"It's not about Hyunjin," Changbin corrected. "I was the one who wanted that kind of relationship with Hyunjin, after all. He knows my intentions, and he's...fine with it."

 _But I'm not fine with it_ , Felix wanted to say, but he kept his mouth closed.

"I'm sorry, Lix," Changbin continued. He placed his hands on Felix's shoulders and ran them down his arms, rubbing them soothingly. Felix liked it a lot. "But...we don't have to worry about that now. We can be just the way we are right now." Changbin leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Felix's lips. "Right?"

Felix felt his resolve disappearing like melting snow, and at that moment nothing else mattered except for how Changbin touched and kissed him. The shorter had that sort of effect on him, and as he trailed kisses down Felix's neck, Felix thought that Changbin's suggestion was the best one in the entire universe.

_______

  
When Felix got back to his dorm, he got questioned by Jisung for a bit, but when the older realized that he couldn't get more questions from him, he backed off.

Felix hurried to his dorm room and unwrapped the small package in front of him.

It was a gift Changbin had given to him a few minutes after the lights came back. Felix was afraid to open the small box the gift was in at first, and when he did, his breath hitched in his throat.

It was a silver metal ring that had intricate designs on it, which was surprising enough, but the thing that caught Felix's attention the most was the light blue gem stone that glistened from the middle. It looked extremely beautiful, and it had to be expensive.

Felix's eyes fell on the note next to it, and opened it.

_Blue looks really good on you. Happy birthday Felix, and I hope you like your gift._

_p.s. Please don't_ _give it back to me thinking it's too expensive. I really wanted to do this._

_Changbin._

Felix held the ring in his hand like it was going to break any second from now, and when he slid the ring down his ring finger, it fit perfectly.

The door suddenly flew open, and Jisung hurried in.

"Did you get a gift from Changbin?" He blurted, scaring the Australian. His eyes fell on the ring on Felix's finger, and they doubled in size. "Woah..."

Felix felt nervous with Jisung's eyes on his hand like that, and he quickly hid his hand behind his back. "W-What are you doing here?"

"He gave you that ring, right?" Jisung replied, completely ignoring Felix's question.

"Uh...yeah." Felix flinched when Jisung let out an ear piercing scream.

"Changbin always gives us gifts when we celebrate something important. He gave me those new headphones I'd been rambling about all week early this morning." Jisung paused, taking a deep breath. "But it's a shock that he gave you a gift, since you haven't known us for that long. No offence to you, by the way."

Felix nodded, not liking how curious Jisung looked right then. "None taken."

"He never gave any of us any kind of jewelry though," Jisung finalized, "and that ring looks really pretty."

"Thanks..."

Jisung grinned and winked, which made Felix's face feel hot. "No need to thank me. I actually feel kind of jealous." He paused, then snapped his fingers as if he suddenly remembered something. "Oh! Your sister Rachel came over earlier and asked me where you were, and I told her you were at Changbin's place. She said that she wanted to see you whenever you were free."

"Okay," Felix nodded. He itched to admire the ring again, but he couldn't do so while Jisung was still there. "Thank you."

Jisung seemed to sense the awkward silence that dawned on them after that, and cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'll be in my room. Call me if you need anything. Or if you want to give your gift away."

"Get outta here, Jisung," Felix laughed, and Jisung laughed along. The Australian pushed him out of his room, ignoring his hilarious sounding protests.

When Felix was finally alone again, he stared at the beautiful ring, slowly turning it around his finger. When he was done, he placed the ring back in its box, and texted Changbin.

 **Felix: thank you for the ring changbin :D**  
**Felix: its really really pretty**  
**Felix: but i feel like giving it back because it looks like it cost a lot of money**

 **Changbin: youre welcome lix**  
**Changbin: but dont worry about the price**  
**Changbin: just keep it and use it however you want lol**

 **Felix: okay, i will**  
**Felix: jisung totally freaked out when he saw it though**

 **Changbin: jisungs dramatic like that**  
**Changbin: but im really glad that you like it**

**Felix: of course i do. it looks really amazing**

**Changbin: i would do even more for you|**  
**Changbin: i would do eve|**  
**Changbin:|**  
**Changbin: haha thanks. i have to go now lix. i've got some homework to complete**

**Felix: okay. bye!**

**Changbin: bye :)**

Felix placed his phone on the bed and sighed, mentally exhausted from the day's events. So many things happened, and he didn't know how to take everything in.

Felix placed his gift in his drawer and fell on the bed, hugging his pillow. He glanced at his phone, knowing that he had one more person to contact for today.

**Unkown**

  
**Felix: when you say that youre 'someone i know', do you mean youre one of my friends or college mates**

The reply came after a few minutes.

**Unknown: im closer than you think**

**Felix: youre being very creepy**  
**Felix: i can call the police for you, you know**  
**Felix: or i can call you to know who you are**

 **Unknown: youd be too scared to do that**  
**Unknown: try it and you'll see :)**

Felix was spooked, and chose not to text that person anymore. He soon fell asleep to thoughts of Changbin.


	17. grandpa vibes

**THE NEXT** two days turned out to be extremely busy ones for Felix. Thursdays and Fridays weren't usually like that, but now he had so many things to do that he couldn't make space for anything else.

Felix had to meet up with his sister a couple of times, complete his assignments, check his email to see if the teachers sent anything, make some homework for himself, and at one point on Friday he felt like he was going to come down with a cold because of the shitty weather.

He also couldn't see Changbin that much after his classes, and he only had limited time to text him because some of his teachers decided that it was a good time to drown him in course work.

He also felt like he was walking on eggshells around Hyunjin. It wasn't like Hyunjin was being rude to him, glaring holes in his head or treating him differently, but he possessed a certain kind of coldness in his words and actions whenever he and Felix encountered each other. The Australian felt like Hyunjin was studying him, waiting for him to screw up something. It was kind of unnerving, to be honest.

"You look like a grandpa with your oversized sweater and glasses."

Felix looked up from his laptop and met Jisung's eyes. The older smiled when he saw that Felix was looking at him.

They were both seated at a table (since Jisung was actually in their dorm on a Friday for a change) and were working on their respective projects in silence until Jisung spoke up.

"It's cold..." Felix murmured, suddenly feeling self-conscious in his blue sweater. After he'd found out that Changbin liked seeing him in blue, he wore at least one piece of clothing that had that colour. Felix even thought that blue was probably going to be his favourite colour soon.

"Really?" Jisung said as if Felix had just stated that he was related to Donald Trump. "I don't feel it."

"It _is_." Felix knew that Jisung was possibly bored of working on college stuff, and now he needed someone to talk to. Felix was bored too. "I'm freezing in here."

"But the air condition isn't even on," Jisung stretched out his arms, before shutting his laptop closed. The sound it made slightly startled Felix, and Jisung chuckled when he witnessed it. "How about we do something fun?"

Felix didn't possibly know what he and Jisung could do on a Friday evening, and the look the older was giving him was majorly creeping him out. He absentmindedly fiddled with the ring that Changbin gave him on his finger, but stopped what he was doing when Jisung's eyes fell on it.

"You really like that ring, huh?" Jisung said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. Felix couldn't even feel embarrassed because Jisung wasn't acting like his usual joking self.

"Yeah, I-I guess," Felix placed his hands on his lap, hiding the ring from Jisung's view. "It's nice."

"I know it is," Jisung mused, "it's because Changbin bought it, isn't it?"

He had a curious lilt in his voice, one that made Felix feel a bit cautious. Jisung was on to something, and he clearly knew more than he was letting on.

Felix stared at his laptop screen, trying to ignore Jisung's stare. "W-What do you mean?"

 _God_. He was stumbling on his Korean again, which was a tell-tale sign that he was nervous and hiding something.

Jisung apparently noticed this. "I don't know if I should ask this, but...are you and Changbin...you know--"

"What?! No!" Felix wasn't sure why he reacted like that, and now he just wanted to sink into the ground and stay in it.

Jisung froze, clearly not expecting Felix's outburst. "O...kay."

"I'm sorry I shouted at you like that," Felix apologized. He tended to overreact when he was placed in a very stressful situation, and the way Jisung was watching him was not making the situation better in the slightest.

Jisung nodded and smiled. "It's fine." He leaned in as if he was sharing some top notch secret that wanted no one else to hear. "I'm sorry I assumed you and Changbin had something going on. I mean, with the way he talks about you when you're not there, even when Hyunjin is around--"

Felix's pulse raced in surprise. "What?"

Jisung stopped, caught off guard. He leaned into his chair, waving Felix off. "It's nothing. Hey--you remember when I was talking about doing something fun today?"

But Felix wasn't paying attention to what Jisung was saying now. The older had just admitted that Changbin talked about him when he wasn't there, which filled Felix with both giddiness and dread.

What if Changbin told them what he and Felix did when they weren't around? What if he told them all those embarrassing things Felix had said about himself? But then again, Changbin didn't seem like the person to do that. And even if Changbin did, they wouldn't react badly to him since they seemed to know the kind of relationship he and Hyunjin had.

"Felix?"

Felix got pulled back into reality, and registered Jisung's worried gaze. "Yeah?"

"You zoned out for like, a second there."

Felix seemed to be zoning out a lot these days.

"I'm sorry," Felix shut down his laptop, "what...what were you saying?"

"Are you tired?" Jisung asked instead. He looked genuinely concerned, like a mother would be, and Felix suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.

He quickly nodded. "I'm...heading to my room."

"Okay. See you tomorrow, or later, if you aren't sleeping now."

Felix chuckled despite his worsening mood. "Yeah. See you, Jisung."

As Felix put his glasses and laptop away, he plopped on his bed and placed his left hand in front of his face, observing the ring on his finger. The soft moonlight seeping through the open windows fell on the gem stone, and it shone even brighter. It looked absolutely mesmerizing.

Felix eventually also put the ring away, because he was staring at it too much, and tried to make himself fall asleep, but his methods didn't work. He also tried ASMR at one point, but it also proved fruitless.

He wanted to talk to Changbin. He _needed_ to talk to him.

He figured he'd text the shorter first, and maybe they'd resort to calling after.

Taking his phone, Felix texted Changbin.

**Felix: hey, you there?**

Felix was at that point of being pretty comfortable with texting Changbin that he didn't backspace his words often.

It took almost ten minutes for Changbin to answer, but at least he did.

 **Changbin: yep**  
**Changbin: what do you need?**

 **Felix: you sound like a mall employee**  
**Felix: and i want to hear your voice**

 **Changbin: i kinda do haha**  
**Changbin: and okay**

Changbin called him a few seconds later, and Felix eagerly picked up.

"Hi," Changbin greeted. Felix found himself smiling.

"Hi, Changbin. How are you?" Wow, Felix sounded so formal, but he was too happy to care.

Changbin chuckled. "I'm good. You?"

"I'm...great. Actually, I wanted to call you because I couldn't sleep." Felix wanted to face palm himself. Who even said that?

But, Changbin laughed. "Really? But it's still early."

"I-I wanted to catch up on some sleep," Felix stopped, thinking of an appropriate way to say the next words, "so...you can just talk about random things, because I like listening to you." He drew in a breath. "N-Nevermind. That sounded creepy."

"It's not _that_ creepy," Changbin teased, and Felix's face flushed, "and I'm flattered that you like hearing my voice."

"You're welcome," Felix answered, but his words sounded more like a question.

The Australian could almost see Changbin smiling at what he said. "Okay. Let me start by talking about the most boring day of my life, when I had to take my family's dog, named 'Cat', for a walk..."

And then Felix listened to Changbin's story, and many others too. The shorter never ran out of topics to talk about, and Felix was more than willing to listen to every one of them.

Changbin's voice was soothing and calming, and whenever he asked Felix if he was listening or sleeping in that caring tone of his, Felix felt fuzzy and nice. It was comparable to sitting beside the fireplace in a soft blanket, while sipping on warm cocoa.

When Changbin was talking about the time when he had to take out a cat from a tree to give it to a girl (because he loved animals), he asked Felix if he was still listening.

The Australian's eyelids felt heavy, and he nodded. "...Yeah, Binnie..."

"I can tell that you want to sleep, Lix," Changbin reasoned in that gentle tone of his. "So, go to sleep. I'll hang up..."

"I'm still awake...don't worry..." Now, even Felix's voice sounded croaky. It was completely noticeable.

"I'll always see you later," Changbin pressed. "Sleep is important."

Felix chuckled. "What about you? Aren't you sleeping now?"

"I'm not a grandpa like you. I sleep late."

"Hey!"

Changbin laughed in response. "I'm kidding. Go to sleep."

Felix yawned. He was already starting to close his eyes. "...Okay. See you, Changbin."

Changbin paused, before answering the Australian. "Yes. See you later, baby..."

Felix barely registered Changbin hanging up before falling asleep.

_______

 

Felix woke up in the middle of the night to distant giggles and chatter coming from the living room.

 

"Hush, guys," someone whispered, and Felix slowly sat up. They sounded like Jisung. 

 

Another person laughed. "Fine. So, you in?" Hyunjin?

 

"Yeah. Jackson's parties are always great. But let's go now. I don't want us to disturb Felix," Jisung whispered. Although, it wasn't a good enough whisper if Felix could hear it all the way from his room.

 

"He's asleep, right?" 

 

Felix's heartbeat rang in his ears at the sound of Changbin's voice. 

 

"Yeah, otherwise I would've asked him to join us. But I have a feeling clubs aren't usually his thing," Jisung answered.

 

"Seungmin doesn't want to go either," Hyunjin added with a slight chuckle. "Let's go now."

 

With a few more rounds of laughter and hushed whispers, they were gone. 

 

Jisung had been right, Felix didn't like clubs. He didn't like excessive partying either, but at that moment, he wished he'd followed them, which was really insane.

 

Hyunjin and Changbin were going to be in a club setting together, but Felix prevented himself from thinking about it further before he went crazy. 

 

It served as another reminder of how different Felix and Changbin were. The Australian would never have thought of stepping foot inside a club, but Changbin seemed to do that constantly with his friends.

 

He wouldn't be able to keep Changbin's attention for long, Felix realized. He wasn't interesting, he often secluded himself from others, and he rarely stood up for himself. 

 

Maybe that was why Changbin was with Hyunjin all this time, because they matched, and they were similar. Sooner or later, Changbin would find out what a bore Felix was, and he'd stop liking him.

 

Felix sighed. He hated thinking about his life at night. It always led to really negative thoughts about himself.

 

_______

 

Felix woke up quite late the next day, but it was alright since it was the weekend. 

 

The dorm was still quiet, which meant that Jisung was probably not around. It bothered Felix more than he'd like to admit, because if Jisung wasn't there, it meant that Changbin and Hyunjin were still out with him. 

  
Felix gathered by looking at his phone that it was 11:16 and walked out of his room to make some cereal for himself.

Today was Saturday. He should've been happy that he didn't have any major things to do concerning his school, and that he'd gotten good marks on his respective projects. He didn't have to worry about his grades, and he wasn't sick.

But...why did he feel so _empty_? And those creepy anonymous texts weren't brightening his mood up either.

Felix felt like going back to sleep, but that would be lazy of him. And once he woke up, it was hard for him to go back to sleep.

After he finished his cereal, showered and changed, he sat in the living room and wondered what he was going to do today.

Maybe he could go to the library and read or do some work, or he could go and get some coffee outside with Rachel if she was available, or he could take a walk.

Wow, he _did_ act like a grandpa.

Felix wondered about what Seungmin was doing, but thought the red head probably had better things to do than to hang out with him. Seungmin always gave off the feeling that he was busy.

Felix decided that he'd retreat to his room once again for the whole day, because he hardly ever talked to other students anyway.

At that second, a knock was heard. It was soft at first, but gradually increased in its quantity and intensity.

Felix warily opened the door, but he was pleasantly surprised when he saw Seungmin's face.

Seungmin smiled once spotting him, before entering into the dorm.

"Hey, Seungmin." Felix had just been thinking about the male a few minutes ago, and here he was. But then again, Seungmin was probably here for Jisung, wasn't he?

"Hey Felix." Seungmin pulled up a chair and sat down. After, he looked around the room, before his eyes settled on Felix. "Is Jisung around?"

"No...he's out," Felix replied.

Seungmin heaved a sigh of relief. "Good, because I need your help."

Felix took a seat in front of the younger, curious as to why he needed his help. "On what?"

"My family always has these dinners every two weeks, and I've been trying to avoid them, but now they really want me to come, especially my mom. She's really stubborn, and I _really_ don't want to go alone when they have their stupid dinners," Seungmin breathed out. "So...can you come with me? You don't _have_ to, by the way, I just wanted to go with someone my parents don't know."

Meeting new people was on the list of one of the things Felix hated to do, but Seungmin looked so distraught at that moment, and he didn't want to turn him down because that would be rude.

Pulling on the hem of his navy blue shirt, he met Seungmin's gaze. "...When?"

"Uh...tonight."

Felix's eyes widened, and Seungmin opened his mouth to say more things.

"I know I should've informed you earlier, but I wasn't even planning on visiting them today. Mom finally got me to come this morning, and my family members don't really like Jisung, Changbin and Hyunjin..."

 _Okay. Breathe in and out_ , Felix told himself. "Okay. I-It's fine. I'll go."

"Thanks!" Seungmin beamed. "It's just for a couple of hours, and after they're done we'll be out of there."

That didn't stop Felix's heart from ramming against his ribcage, though. Nevertheless, the Australian gave out a tight smile. "Okay."

Was this the right time for Felix to actually consider building a home underground?


	18. family dinner

**FELIX FELT** like he was floating and that he was never actually taking part in what was happening, but was watching from an outsider's point of view when he looked through his clothes for the perfect one to wear.

That is, until Seungmin texted him if he was ready. That was when a huge wave of anxiety crashed over Felix.

Seungmin had told him that he didn't need to put much thought into what he was wearing, that he could just put on something casual, but, Felix being Felix, he couldn't help but go through his options over and over again.

Why was Felix so on edge? He was just helping out Seungmin by visiting his family for dinner, and it wasn't like they already knew him.

But _that_ was one of the main reasons why he was on edge in the first place. Seungmin's family never saw him before, which meant that they were going to judge him based on first impressions. And Felix was bad at giving great first impressions.

After he dressed up in a blue flannel and dark jeans (not forgetting to bring along his grey beanie for moral and emotional support), he paced around the dorm's living room and waited for Seungmin's arrival.

It was around six thirty now, and Seungmin said that his family's dinners usually started by seven. Felix ignored his wrist watch after that, because looking at the time when he was feeling anxious made him feel worse.

Jisung had showed up earlier to freshen up, and talked to Felix for some time, but before the Australian could squeeze out some information from him about what he and Hyunjin did (and also ask specific questions about Changbin), the older had disappeared.

Which was both a good and bad thing. Good as in Felix escaped the many questions that Jisung would've shot at him if he was around. Bad as in Felix was left alone to deal with his thoughts.

Soon, knocking was heard, and Felix almost tripped while heading towards the door. When he finally opened it, he was face to face with Seungmin.

"Hi," Felix quietly greeted, and Seungmin smiled in response.

"Hey, Felix. You ready?" Seungmin asked.

Felix nodded. "Yeah. How I'm dressed is okay though, right?"

Seungmin studied his clothing, before giving him a thumbs up. That was when Felix realized how similar he and Seungmin dressed. Seungmin's clothing was just more red.

"Yep. I love flannel," the younger commented. "Plus, you look fine. Don't worry." He waited for Felix to come out and lock the dorm, and then they headed through the college halls.

Some rooms were lit up since some students took night classes, and people were still walking around or chatting with each other in clusters.

Seungmin glanced at Felix, before engaging in small talk with him.

"So, how's college life for you so far?" He asked.

"It's...great." Honestly, Felix didn't know how else to answer. His nerves were making any method of speech hard, and his brain was too occupied to say anything else.

"It's not really for me," Seungmin said. "It's been kind of stressful. And a majority of the people in my classes annoy me."

"Do I annoy you?" Felix asked, half joking half serious.

"You're okay." They neared the gates and flashed their ID's at the security guard, before stepping out of the college.

Felix laughed, and Seungmin flashed a grin. "How're we going to your house?"

"With a car. I borrowed a friend's own for the night," Seungmin answered, gesturing for Felix to follow him to a parking lot full of cars.

Once reaching the vehicle they were going to use, a black Honda Civic, they opened its doors simultaneously and entered.

As Seungmin turned on the ignition, he lowered its windows, before facing Felix. "Okay. My family is normal at best, but sometimes they can be a bit overwhelming. Leave most of the talking to me, and when they ask you questions keep your answers short and impersonal."

"...Okay." What Seungmin said seemed like a mouthful, and Felix struggled to keep up.

The car rolled into the road, and Felix stared out of his side of the window, admiring the tall industrial buildings and stores. The city looked really beautiful at night, and for a second Felix could almost forget how jittery he was before.

When the car passed in front a certain restaurant, Felix's pulse raced, because that was the same restaurant he and Changbin had went to earlier. The memory made Felix's cheeks flush, and he was glad that Seungmin was paying attention to the road.

He and Seungmin were alike like that. The redhead didn't see a need to always involve himself in others' business, and he also didn't like to talk all the time.

Felix found himself thinking of Changbin again. If the older was here, he'd fill up the silent space with his words, talk about random topics, and make some flirty remarks here and there (because that was how he was). Felix wondered what Changbin was doing right now.

"Hey, Felix." Felix watched Seungmin. "You said you're Australian, right?"

Felix nodded. "I am..."

"So, you're good at English. What do you think of this?" Seungmin cleared his throat, a smirk playing on his lips. "Hi, my name is Kim Seungmin. I know we've already met, but it's very nice to meet you."

Felix froze, because Seungmin just talked to him in English. Seungmin took a glance at the Australian's expression, and burst out laughing.

"You can speak English too?" Felix asked, baffled.

Seungmin nodded. "Yep. I studied in LA for around three months in high school, and I genuinely like speaking other languages apart from Korean." He chuckled. "Your reaction was totally priceless though."

Felix chuckled too, feeling slightly embarrassed. He and Seungmin had more in common than he originally thought, and the fact that Seungmin could speak his native language made him feel happy.

Although, that feeling didn't last long because the car gradually slowed down, and Seungmin parked it on the side of the road.

"I'm sorry but...we have to walk a little from here," Seungmin stated when he and Felix left the car.

"It's okay," Felix reassured. He figured that he'd use the time they walked as a way to take breathing exercises to try and calm down his heartbeat.

The cool air felt nice against Felix's face, but he didn't feel cold because of his warm flannel shirt.

"We're here," Seungmin announced nonchalantly. They stood in front of a lit up sub urban style house with a clean cut garden off to the side and a doorbell next to the door.

Seungmin walked up to the porch, with Felix trailing behind him, and exhaled a breath through his lips.

"You okay?" Felix asked, noticing Seungmin's tense body language.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," Seungmin smiled. "I'm just preparing for the inevitable craziness that's gonna come soon."

Felix chuckled at the redhead's words, despite his speeding heart. Seungmin was really blunt about his thoughts.

Seungmin eventually pressed the doorbell, and Felix tightly clasped his hands behind his back. Approximately two seconds later, the door was slammed open, and a girl that looked like she was in her early teens grinned at the two males.

"Seungmin! Oh my god, you're here!"

Felix could literally see Seungmin wincing from her shouting.

"Yeah, yeah, Haneul," Seungmin pushed through her to enter the house, and gestured for Felix to enter.

'Haneul' followed Felix and Seungmin, obvious excitement written on her face. "Omg! This is the friend you were talking about, right?!"

Felix froze as he met Haneul's eyes, and the girl's grin widened upon seeing him.

"Uh...hi," he greeted, and she squealed, nudging Seungmin's arm with her hands.

"He's so hot!" She whisper-yelled to Seungmin, and Felix's face burned when he heard her words.

Seungmin shot an apologetic look at the Australian, before prying Haneul's hands off him. "Whatever. Where's mom and dad?"

Felix took that time to observe the living room. Everything looked homey and comforting, with nicely designed furniture and a golden brown setting. He almost felt jealous.

His eyes fell on another male that appeared out of nowhere, and he was now flinging his arm over Seungmin and ruffling his hair.

"Did you forget me?" The guy, a muscular looking blond asked, his tone teasing, and Seungmin scowled at him and released himself from his grip, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I didn't forget you. You're just too unimportant to be mentioned," Seungmin spat, fixing his hair.

Felix didn't know what to do with himself, and he felt self-conscious when Haneul kept on smiling at him and when the unnamed blond's eyes fell on him.

"Hey, you must be Felix, the guy Seungmin said he was coming with," the blond said with an attractive grin.

"Y-Yeah," Felix cleared his throat, "that would be me."

The blond looked amused, and his eyes looked friendly with a hint of mischief. "I'm Seungmin's cooler older brother, Woojin. Nice to meet you."

Seungmin scoffed, but Woojin ignored him.

"Nice to meet you too," Felix answered, holding out his hand to shake. Woojin stared at it for a second before taking it and chuckling. When they let go, Felix fixed his beanie.

"I'll call mom to let her know you guys are here," Woojin informed them. "Dad would be coming out of his study pretty soon."

When Woojin disappeared, Haneul quickly stepped in front of Felix, almost tripping on her feet.

"Do you wanna have a tour of the house? We can start in the living room and end in my room! I always wanted to try some makeup on a dude! You're really pretty!"

Felix felt incredibly nervous with Haneul's attention on him like that, and it didn't help that she wouldn't stop grinning.

Thankfully, Seungmin answered for the Australian. "Maybe another time, Haneul. Go and meet up with Woojin or something. I'm sure he needs your help."

Haneul pouted and tugged on her long black hair, before heading into the hall. As soon as she left, Seungmin let out a long sigh, before glancing at Felix.

Felix chuckled, even though his nerves were all over the place.

"They're crazy, right?" Seungmin asked. Felix couldn't help but nod. "I feel exhausted just talking to my siblings. My parents are far worse."

At that moment, they heard Hanuel screaming and Woojin cackling.

Seungmin rubbed the back of his neck. "They're always like this, extremely noisy. That's why I started living in a dorm as soon as I had the chance."

"They're...interesting," Felix commented, and Seungmin laughed.

The Australian supposed that constantly living with noise could drive anyone crazy, but Felix couldn't relate with the redhead. When he lived in Australia, his family weren't big on making noise, and when he moved to Korea, he was usually surrounded by silence. Felix wondered how it'd be if he was always surrounded by action, and how it'd feel like if he always witnessed different things happening at the same time. Maybe it'd drive Felix nuts, but at least he'd know that he wasn't alone.

_______

 

Seungmin's parents were nice people, Felix figured out, but they asked too many questions and they were borderline nosy. Seungmin had been right about that.

 

The food served looked appetizing, and it tasted great. As Felix ate, he followed Seungmin's advice and kept his answers short, and when they asked questions about college life, Seungmin answered for the both of them.

 

But then, things started taking a turn when it came to the courses Seungmin took. 

 

"It's no surprise that Seungmin's major involves writing," Seungmin's dad started while looking at Felix, "when he was in high school, he was always in his room when he wasn't with his friends, writing in that diary of his."

 

"Dad!" Seungmin stopped eating, dropping his utensils on his plate, before muttering, "it wasn't a diary."

 

Woojin snickered, and Haneul tried feeding Felix, to which he politely declined (Haneul was cute, but she was creepy).

 

"Yeah, and he never told us anything when he came home. He was always writing by himself and listening to music alone. You know," Seungmin's mother glanced at her husband, "like those emo kids."

 

Felix stared at the table, not knowing how to respond. He felt embarrassed for Seungmin's sake, and the redhead's expression was falling and his eyebrows were furrowed. 

 

Felix didn't like how they talked about Seungmin, and he felt like he had to do something. Looking at Woojin, he commented, "Do you play sports? You look very athletic."

 

This distracted Seungmin's family for a while, and his parents talked about how many sports Woojin participated in, and how many trophies and awards he won. Then they moved on to how many clubs and activities Haneul took part in at her school, and Felix could hear Seungmin heaving a sigh of relief beside him.

 

"Thanks," Seungmin whispered to Felix, and he smiled and nodded. It was after that that Seungmin's parents asked him if he played sports in his free time.

 

Needless to say Felix was relieved when the dinner was over. He and Seungmin helped his parents clear the table, while Woojin played yet another prank on Haneul.

 

"Thanks for coming to dinner today, Felix," Seungmin's mother thanked him after they got ready to leave. "Do come again."

  
Felix grinned, before nodding. "I should be the one thanking you instead. The food was delicious."

She grinned, and laughed when Seungmin rolled his eyes beside Felix. "You don't need to come with Seungmin when you show up again," she joked.

"Mom, this is disrespectful," Seungmin protested, "we're leaving."

Seungmin quickly took Felix out of the house and closed the door.

"I probably shouldn't have brought you along. They all like you a lot, _especially_ Haneul," Seungmin spoke up as they headed down the front steps.

Felix dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and lightly laughed. "It's okay. They're nice."

"I'm sorry you had to deal with their questions, even though I told them in advance to dial it down. You must've felt uncomfortable." Seungmin kicked at some stones, his expression thoughtful.

Silence rang though the air, and Felix wanted to tell the redhead something, but he didn't know how to word it. Would Seungmin get mad? Would he feel embarrassed? It wasn't even Felix's business in the first place.

He sighed. "...I'm sorry." Seungmin looked at him. "Your parents--the way they were talking about you...it wasn't very nice. You must've felt bad."

Seungmin shot Felix a small smile, before shrugging. "I'm used to it. They mean no harm, and that's how they talk at times."

"But you didn't like it. I saw your reaction..."

"It's okay Felix," Seungmin answered. "You don't have to think too much about it. I don't like a lot of things anyway."

Seungmin was shutting himself off, and the silence between them was getting uncomfortable.

Felix was bad at comforting people (he sucked, there was no doubt about it), but he really wanted to help Seungmin. The younger always helped him and cheered him up when he was facing difficulties, so the Australian wanted to do the same.

So he reached over and ruffled Seungmin's red hair. It completely caught Seungmin off-guard.

"Don't be sad," Felix smiled.

"I'm not sad," Seungmin answered, but he was chuckling now. "You know, I never give you permission to touch my hair."

Felix laughed as he and Seungmin neared the familiar Honda Civic. The atmosphere had considerably brightened up, which made Felix glad.

They soon entered the car and then they were on the road.

For the first time during that night, Felix checked the time, and discovered that it was nearing nine thirty. Almost two hours. He kind of felt tired, but he wasn't willing to fall asleep just then.

Seungmin's eyes focused on the road, but he kept on looking like he was thinking about something. Felix guessed that it must've been about his parents.

After Seungmin parked the car and locked it after they stepped out, they walked in the direction of Sowon Academy and soon entered the college.

"Thanks for tonight," Seungmin told Felix, "even though my family was a handful."

Felix shook his head. "It's no problem."

They passed a couple of girls who were chatting animately with each other. Seungmin looked up, biting his lip in thought.

"Felix."

Felix stared at Seungmin. "Yeah?"

"I kinda need to tell you something. Something that pertains to you. I don't know if...I should say this, and it's sorta eating up my insides," Seungmin smiled, though it looked strained. "But, I--"

"Seungmin! Felix!"

Both males turned to see Jisung heading down the stairs from the library, accompanied by... _Changbin_.

Felix's body instantly tensed, a fuzzy feeling flowed throughout his chest, and he fixed his grey beanie repeatedly.

"You're being too loud," Seungmin warned Jisung with a frown, but the older just ignored him as usual.

"Where did you guys go?" Jisung curiously asked. Felix and Changbin's eyes met, and Felix shyly looked away.

"Somewhere," Seungmin said. "Why are you two guys coming from the library. Are you suddenly trying to be smart for once?"

Felix hid his laugh, and Jisung's face fell.

"Ouch," Changbin stated. His eyes never left Felix's face as he spoke, and the Australian wondered how Jisung and Seungmin never noticed anything by now. "I'm already smart though."

Seungmin shrugged. "Whatever. I'm tired of talking to you guys already." He faced Felix. "I'll see you later, I'm heading to my dorm."

"We won't miss you," Jisung said, glaring at Seungmin, but the redhead didn't acknowledge him. Sighing, he turned towards the remaining two males. "Hyunjin procrastinated and now he's completing his assignments. Do you guys wanna watch movies at my dorm?"

Felix nodded, his brain too fried to come up with a sentence. Changbin just kept on glancing at him, and when they headed to his and Jisung's dorm, Changbin smiled whenever Felix caught his eyes.

(Felix was afraid that he'd get a cardiac arrest anytime soon because of how Changbin was watching him.)

He got to talk to Changbin for some time before the (horror) movie started, and when they got to the middle of the movie, Felix's box of popcorn was finished.

"Do you want another one?" Changbin asked him when he noticed Felix's empty box.

"Yeah..."

Changbin took another one from where Jisung was seated. Jisung didn't notice this, because he was too occupied with watching the movie.

"Here," Changbin handed the box to Felix, and as the Australian took it, his eyes promptly fell on Changbin's fingers.

A ring in particular caught Felix's eyes, and it shouldn't have bothered him anyway, since he was used to seeing Changbin with rings. But that ring had a similar design to the one Changbin had gifted to Felix, and it _had_ to be new, since Felix never spotted it until today. The ring even had the same gem stone on it.

Changbin was already back to watching the movie, and Felix forced himself to look away from his hand. The Australian was probably overthinking the situation again. Changbin might've happened to like the kind of ring he got Felix, and then he decided to get one for himself.

Despite Felix's reasoning, his heart still felt like it was racing a thousand miles per second.


	19. thoughts galore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changbin's point of view of what happened at the last 24 hours

**CHANGBIN SILENTLY** cursed at himself as he hung up on the call he just had with Felix.

God, what was he thinking, calling Felix by that petname? He sincerely hoped that the Australian had somehow fallen asleep and didn't hear what he said.

It had been hard to control himself lately. Changbin found himself often thinking about Felix, even when he wasn't aware of it, and whenever the Australian wasn't around, he'd feel like calling him or asking him to come over.

Changbin had called Felix 'baby', and the word slipped out before he could stop it from happening. The word felt foreign on his lips, as he'd never uttered that word ever since high school. He'd never even called Hyunjin that for a long time.

He and Hyunjin never felt the need to call each other by romantic petnames, and Changbin figured that Hyunjin had no problems with that.

Hyunjin was always there. He was someone who was constantly by Changbin's side; a familiar presence, and he had no qualms about what Changbin decided to do with his life.

Well, _most_ of what Changbin decided to do with his life.

Everything with Hyunjin was easy and steady, but with Felix, things happened too fast and became so intense that Changbin really couldn't hold himself back at times. It was almost scary.

Changbin had always been a person who was sure of himself and didn't like complicating things too much, but when it came to Felix, there were many point blanks. Changbin didn't know exactly how to proceed with the Australian, and the attraction he felt towards Felix was instant and addictive, and anytime they spent time together, he was often left with wanting more and more.

Changbin had to stop doing things like this. He had made things clear to Felix about how he wanted their 'relationship' to be when the Australian stayed over on his birthday, but he felt like he was going against his own words.

He sighed, placing his phone next to him and staring at the ceiling. He knew he won't be able to really sleep tonight.

So when Hyunjin texted him if he wanted to go to one of Wang Jackson's club parties, he agreed without a second thought. He would do anything to get his mind off of Felix for tonight.

_______

 

Changbin loved how cold and breezy the night air was against his skin. His clothes (which comprised of a dark hoodie and skinny jeans since he wasn't in the mood to dress up that night) weren't too warm, but that didn't bother Changbin. He liked the fact that the cold was seeping through his clothes and into his skin, as it created a kind of numb feeling. He wanted to feel numb.

 

Jisung was saying something beside him (as he always did), but Changbin wasn't tuning in to it. He didn't want to tune in to anything. If he did, he'd start thinking, and if he started thinking, an image of a certain Australian would start forming inside his head.

 

A warm hand slid into his, and Changbin was snapped back into reality. His eyes flickered up to meet Hyunjin's, and the taller flashed him a smile that used to make Changbin's heart race and body warm.

 

Now, Changbin felt warm, but his heart wasn't racing. It was still steady and constant, just like how his and Hyunjin's relationship turned out to be. 

 

"You okay?" Hyunjin asked him, disrupting Jisung's words.

 

"Yeah." Changbin stared at the pavement beneath his feet. He could hear the loud thumping of bass in the distance, and was glad that they were nearing the club.

  
Hyunjin sensed that he didn't want to say anything else, and luckily didn't ask him any questions.

Since the bouncer already knew them, and he was one of the lenient ones, they were quickly let inside.

Hyunjin's hold on Changbin immediately tightened, and since the shorter was already used to Hyunjin doing that when they stepped into any party setting, he didn't object. Jisung suggested that they head to the bar to get drinks, and the two males followed.

Music and people surrounded Changbin from every corner, which was what he wanted. If he focused on these things and ignored the thoughts racing through his head, he'd be able to completely enjoy himself without feeling like he was doing something wrong.

"I'm going for getting drunk tonight, but not totally wasted," Jisung stated as he went for his first drink.

Changbin didn't think he'd be able to go along with what Jisung said. Nevertheless, he grinned and nodded in agreement. He'd need a lot of drinks tonight, so that he could be able to stop thinking.

Hyunjin hovered by his side, eyeing the drinks Changbin decided to take.

"What?" Changbin asked with a raised brow and a smirk, and Hyunjin shook his head. The shorter mentally exhaled a sigh of relief, and was glad when Hyunjin decided to get some drinks for himself too.

In no time, Changbin started to feel that familiar tingle and floating feeling that he always got whenever he was getting drunk. No thoughts flitted through his head, and his mind felt free, which meant that what he was trying to do all along was working.

Changbin placed a hand on Hyunjin's arm. "Wanna dance?"

Jisung rose his eyebrows from where he was seated. "What about me?"

(His speech was only slightly slurred, and Changbin seriously wondered if Jisung truly ever got drunk.)

"Okay, you can come too," Changbin smiled, and Hyunjin chuckled beside him as Jisung's pout turned into an immediate grin.

Hyunjin's hand found Changbin's own again as they headed towards the dance floor, and Changbin didn't mind his touch. He liked it, and he looked up at Hyunjin he was slightly caught off-guard when he saw that the taller was already watching him.

Changbin smiled at Hyunjin, and Hyunjin smiled back, his eyes glimmering with something unknown in them.

"Okay, lovebirds, you're being annoying. Cut it out," Jisung complained and Hyunjin showed him the middle finger while laughing.

(The lilac and red lighting the party gave accentuated Hyunjin's pretty face, and Changbin kept on staring even though he knew that his 'boyfriend' was incredibly attractive. Usually during times like these, Changbin would kiss Hyunjin, but for some reason he held back his actions. _God_ , his thinking was making him cautious again.)

Changbin landed his arm around Hyunjin's torso. Some fast-paced catchy song was playing and the three males started dancing. They weren't serious about it though, and their dancing turned out to be carefree and fun. Changbin often tripped on his feet and used Hyunjin as his pillar more often times than not, to their amusement. Eventually, Changbin just settled for leaning against Hyunjin since he wasn't really stable on his feet.

They even got to talk to some of the other party-goers and exchanged a few laughs with them. Hyunjin became suspiciously tense whenever Changbin spoke to other guys, but the shorter didn't notice and Jisung had to nudge Hyunjin to stop him from glaring at them.

The fast upbeat songs slowly disintegrated into slower, r&b kind of songs. Changbin scrunched up his nose at them. He really didn't mind those kind of songs, but slow songs tended to make him think, and the warm tingles the alcohol had given him were wearing off.

The song was kind of romantic sounding, and Changbin registered Hyunjin's arms around him with a smile that displayed a million words and emotions. Words and emotions that Changbin couldn't exactly pinpoint or describe.

"You look great tonight," Hyunjin told him.

"Really?" Changbin laughed. "I'm just wearing a hoodie and jeans."

Hyunjin giggled. "Yeah, but you look good in anything you wear."

Their feet moved messily to the tempo of the song, but they didn't pay attention to that.

"You're lying," Changbin muttered, his words kind of slurred.

Hyunjin shook his head. His eyes never left Changbin's face, never stopped looking into the shorter's eyes. "No...you're beautiful."

Changbin froze, not because Hyunjin had leaned in to kiss him, but because at the moment their lips met, Changbin imagined another face and pair of lips. A face that had a splattering of freckles on it.

A sharp jolt went down Changbin's spine, and his heart raced.

Changbin was thinking about Felix again. He was imagining Felix's lips on his, Felix's hands in his hair, and Felix's deep brown eyes staring at him instead when he and Hyunjin parted.

Hyunjin was smiling, but Changbin couldn't look him in the eye. His plan of not thinking about Felix tonight had totally backfired, and now all he could think about was the Australian, and just the mere thought of the younger was enough for him to feel so many things.

Changbin felt a great need to see Felix, to hold him, and that feeling was so intense that he felt completely overwhelmed, and he hated it. He hated it a lot.

Hyunjin sensed that something was wrong with Changbin, as he always did. Softly gripping onto the shorter's arms, he asked him what was wrong.

"It's nothing," Changbin answered, not in the mood to dance anymore. "I'm heading to the bar."

"You sure?" Jisung asked him after exchanging a worried glance with Hyunjin.

Changbin nodded, heading towards the direction of the bar. Hyunjin followed him. When he got there, Changbin took a seat on a bar stool and Hyunjin took the one in front of him.

"...Are you drinking again?" Hyunjin asked him after a moment of silence.

"No..." Changbin and Hyunjin exchanged glances. "I want to leave. I'm not really in the mood to party anymore."

"Oh," Hyunjin replied, "we can leave now if you want."

"No, it's okay," Changbin waved Hyunjin's suggestion off. "I don't want to ruin you guys' fun."

"No, really," Hyunjin persisted, already hopping off the stool. "We'll leave now. I'll tell Jisung."

Changbin felt terrible because he interrupted his friends' partying because of his unstable mood swings, but he didn't object when he left the club and headed to his house a few minutes later.

_______

 

Changbin almost called Felix early that morning, but stopped himself before he did something stupid. The Australian might've been asleep, and even if he was awake, Changbin couldn't just call him out of the blue like that. 

 

But then again, it wasn't like someone would overhear him talking to Felix. Hyunjin and Jisung were in other rooms, and the walls were sound proof. 

  
"Fuck," Changbin muttered, his thumb hovering over the 'call' button. He itched to press it, but ultimately, he didn't. He was overthinking everything, and it made him frustrated.

Changbin forced himself to fall asleep, and tried so hard not to imagine Felix sleeping beside him on the bed, but he still ended up doing so.

 _Damnit_.

_______

 

Changbin woke up around noon, and he groggily got off his bed and went to the bathroom to shower and change his clothes. 

 

He spotted Hyunjin in the kitchen whipping something up. He knew the taller was a good cook, and wondered who the food was for. 

 

Changbin silently walked up behind Hyunjin, smiling when Hyunjin didn't notice him. "Boo!"

 

Hyunjin slightly jumped, obviously startled. He frowned as Changbin laughed at him. "Aish. What was that for?"

 

Changbin shrugged. "I dunno. Who's that food for?"

 

"You. Jisung and I already ate."

 

"Thanks," Changbin smiled, before adding, "Where's Jisung?"

 

"He went out."

 

Changbin furrowed his brows in thought. "He's always out these days."

 

"I know right?" 

  
They sat at the table where they usually ate after the food was done. As Changbin ate, he felt Hyunjin's eyes on him.

"What?" He asked.

Hyunjin slightly smiled. "Anything on your mind you want to talk about?"

Changbin's eyes went over the interior of his house. They eventually fell on the couch, and he instantly remembered he and Felix spending time on that couch. He averted his eyes. "It's nothing."

Hyunjin exhaled a sigh. "It's clearly not 'nothing'. I can tell something's on your mind, and it's bothering you. I want to help, but I can't do that if you're hiding things from me."

Changbin stared at his empty plate. "I'm not hiding things from you."

"Really? Are you sure?" Hyunjin asked, his concerned tone now having an edge to it. "Because you've been so secretive lately. ...Is this about Felix?"

Hyunjin asked the question with an accusing tone, and it irked Changbin.

"It's not about him." But Changbin knew he was lying. Hyunjin seemed to know it too.

"You're lying. It _is_ about Felix, isn't it?" Hyunjin's voice had turned more and more quiet. That was the way it sounded when he wasn't happy with something.

Changbin knew that Hyunjin meant well, that he was just concerned about him, and he and Hyunjin rarely argued, because they had a lot of things in common. But he really couldn't deal with an argument right now, and his good mood was dissolving.

He fixed Hyunjin with a steely gaze. "Well maybe it is! Maybe it _is_ about Felix, because I can't stop thinking about him! Is that what you wanted to hear, Hyunjin?"

His sudden outburst was met with silence, and Changbin sighed, suddenly feeling drained. He watched Hyunjin, but the taller wasn't looking his way. "...Hyunjin."

Hyunjin didn't look at him. "It's fine, Changbin. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later anyway."

"Hyunjin--"

"It's _okay_."

The silence between them told them that it was definitely _not_ okay. Changbin didn't like seeing this reserved and cold side of Hyunjin, and he felt incredibly guilty when Hyunjin didn't respond to him as he usually did.

Changbin didn't know what to do to break the silence, and it was at that moment when Hyunjin stood up and took Changbin's plate.

"I'm bringing this to the kitchen," Hyunjin murmured.

Changbin quickly stood up too. He didn't need Hyunjin doing this for him, when he was the one who created the tension between them in the first place. "No--no. It's okay. I'll do it."

Changbin held on to the plate, but Hyunjin took it back from him.

"Please, just let me do this," Changbin begged, but Hyunjin didn't listen to him. Their tug-of-war with the glass plate and utensils eventually made them fall and scatter across the floor.

The sound they made startled Changbin, but he quickly bent down to collect the shards, cutting one of his fingers in the process.

Hyunjin bent down beside Changbin, and held his injured hand, examining the wound. "You're always hurting yourself. I'll clean this mess up. You have antiseptic, right?"

Changbin nodded, as if he was in a daze. He hadn't even noticed blood gathering on the tip of his finger. He actually felt numb now, but it didn't bring along the happiness that he'd wanted.

_______

 

Hyunjin didn't talk to Changbin for the rest of the day, which didn't seat well with the shorter. But, he didn't know what to do in order to fix what was going on. 

 

Jisung, being the observant person that he was, noticed the awkward atmosphere between Hyunjin and Changbin. He tried asking Changbin what it was all about when Hyunjin was out of ear-shot, but Changbin couldn't really tell him. 

 

Jisung left a few minutes later, so there was no reason for Changbin to tell him anything anyway. 

  
The awkwardness went until nighttime, and Jisung suggested that they return back to the college.

After they did, Hyunjin immediately excused himself, saying that he had to head to his dorm to complete some assignments.

Changbin and Jisung spent some time at the library after staying at Changbin's dorm for a bit, and the former's mind was feeling too occupied to focus on anything relating to school at that point.

Despite Changbin inner protests, his mind went to Felix often times, and he wondered where the taller was. He felt horrible thinking about him when he and Hyunjin were currently not on good terms, but it wasn't like he could help it.

 

Changbin couldn't stop thinking about the Australian that easily. 

 

He looked away from the library table and Jisung, and stared at his left hand. He paused, looking over the ring on the ring finger. He didn't even know when he put it on. He'd got himself a ring similar to Felix's a day after Felix got his own, due to reasons he couldn't explain. Now, it was on his finger, a blatant reminder that maybe Felix meant more to him than he originally thought.

 

_______

 

Seeing Felix later that night with Seungmin felt nothing short of surreal. Felix was wearing blue, a colour that Changbin liked seeing on him, and he looked so beautiful and yet so far away, like some kind of unobtainable dream.

 

He could not stop looking at Felix. He didn't know why, but now that he saw the Australian, he couldn't hold himself back from observing every inch of Felix's features. 

  
Now that Felix was there, he felt the increasing need to hold the taller's hand and cuddle him, especially when they were watching that horror movie with Jisung.

Changbin supressed those urges though, and tried to focus on the movie instead.

(He didn't succeed though, as he and Felix ended up kissing when Jisung went out to take a call. He felt both horrible and exhilerated when they kissed, but he ended up crying after.)


	20. pretty eyes

**"ANYTHING ON** your mind?"

Felix's eyes snapped up and met with Seungmin's own across from him. The Australian lightly tapped on the smooth table with his hands, and shook his head.

Seungmin sighed, snapping one of his textbooks shut. He looked around the small, pastel coloured café that they were in, and landed his gaze back on Felix. "Oh, come on. You _clearly_ have something on your mind. You've been staring blankly at your laptop for the past few minutes."

Felix didn't know how the redhead figured that out, but he was too preoccupied with his thoughts to feel uncomfortable with Seungmin's attention.

"Yeah," Felix sighed, "you're right." They were supposed to be doing some studying (along with Jisung, but he was unavailable), given the café's calm and soothing atmosphere, but Felix wasn't able to get one word through his head. When he stared at the paragraphs scattered across his laptop's screen, he thought back to what happened yesterday night, when he and Changbin kissed.

Or more specifically, _after_ he and Changbin kissed.

They'd abruptly locked lips after Jisung went outside the dorm to take a call, and, even though it was kind of risky (considering Jisung could just come in anytime), it didn't stop both males from savoring the taste of each other's lips.

Their kiss got interrupted though, when Changbin suddenly pulled away after a few seconds, refusing to meet Felix's eyes. The Australian had felt confused and worried, and it didn't help that Changbin looked incredibly melancholic, and it wasn't like he was willing to tell Felix what was wrong anyway. Jisung came inside a few moments later, and the atmosphere around them had turned quiet.

"Felix...you're zoning out again."

Felix glanced up at Seungmin, and the younger shot him what was supposed to look like an encouraging smile. Felix appreciated it though, since Seungmin didn't like to smile a lot, but he was doing it for Felix's sake.

Felix ran a hand through his hair, a bit annoyed that he didn't have one of his beanies present with him. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize." Seungmin had completely forgotten about studying at this point. "Just want to know what's up."

"You're like, really obsessed with my life, aren't you?" Felix said, chuckling when Seungmin simply nodded. The Australian searched his brain for something suitable that he could give as an excuse as to why he was so out of it, without sounding like he was lying.

He couldn't just tell Seungmin what happened between him and Changbin yesterday night. Felix wouldn't know how the redhead's reaction was going to be, and he wasn't looking forward to seeing it either.

Seungmin was staring at him as if he was waiting for him to say something, and Felix cleared his throat.

"Uh..." Felix bent towards his bag on the floor to rummage through it, and he brought out his phone, going through his messages. Pausing on one of the contacts after unblocking them, he gave the device to Seungmin. "Some creepy person's been texting me these weird things..."

Seungmin checked the messages, and Felix spent the time alternating between looking at his nails and generally not knowing what he should do with himself.

To be honest, he kind of felt bad that he didn't tell Seungmin the real reason why he zoning out so much in the first place. But, it wasn't like Felix was fully lying either. The unknown texter unsettled Felix with their messages, but they weren't enough to affect the Australian that much.

"You're right," Seungmin spoke up after a few seconds. "They're so creepy, it's almost sort of comical."

Felix raised his eyebrows at Seungmin's words. The younger had a small smile on his face, and the Australian didn't know what he was thinking.

It was when Seungmin started typing something that Felix reverted back to his non-frozen state.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Felix asked.

"I'm gonna find out who the loser that keeps on sending you these texts is," Seungmin explained. He typed in more things, and then exhaled a short breath. "The person's totally being dodgy about everything." Seungmin typed something else, before pressing the phone to his right ear.

"Wait, Seungmin--" Felix tried to speak, but the redhead cut him off.

" _Shh_ ," Seungmin replied, and Felix sunk into his seat. He couldn't believe that Seungmin was actually calling the anonymous texter. "Hey, I'm a friend of Lee Felix and I wanted to ask why you're texting him these creepy and weird messages. What you're doing is very illegal, and if you don't stop we'll be forced to take--oh--wait really?"

Felix's eyes landed on his dimming computer screen, and he clicked on the keyboard to brighten it up. As he did so, he took notice of the ring on his finger. It was still there, and it reminded the Australian of Changbin again.

Felix really wanted to see Changbin right now. He wondered what the older was doing, and if he was still going through what made his mood drop yesterday night. Felix really wanted to find a way to help Changbin, but a part of his mind was telling him that none of this was his business in the first place.

Plus, Changbin didn't seem like a person who would reveal information about himself just like that.

Felix felt a light tap on his shoulder, and he registered Seungmin giving him his phone back.

"It's for you," Seungmin said, disregarding how Felix looked at that moment. Seungmin should've told him who he was going to speak with.

He really should've.

_______

 

Felix practically sped to his house after taking the bus, praying that his sister was actually around instead of at that store she worked part time in. He'd never bothered to ask her which days she worked there, and it wasn't like he had any time to chastise himself for not knowing that much about her schedule anyway. He was already at the front porch.

  
"Rachel! Rachel!" Felix exclaimed, knocking on the door. Knowing her, Felix guessed that she would probably be asleep, since it was Sunday afternoon, afterall. That is, if she was even home.

Before Felix could dial Rachel's number, she opened the door.

Contrary to Felix's assumption, she wasn't asleep. She looked fully awake, and her eyes widened slightly when she saw him in front of her.

"Hey, Felix," she smiled. "You didn't tell me you were coming over."

Felix's lips formed a tight line, but he forced a smile out. "I didn't. ...But I want to talk to you about something." He stepped in after Rachel allowed him to pass.

After changing into his house slippers, he sat down beside his older sister at the dining table.

"Yeah? What did you want to tell me?"

Felix stared at Rachel's seemingly unsuspecting face, keeping his expression blank. She blinked, and started looking confused.

"Felix?"

"Why didn't you tell me that our _cousin_ was coming here? In Korea. For some months. He said you already knew about it and he pretended to be some insane anonymous texter, because he's a little shit like that--" Felix breathed in, before fixing Rachel with an accusatory look, " _why_ didn't you tell me?"

(He sounded incredibly whiny, and he knew he probably had a pout in place at that moment. But, Rachel usually caved into doing what he wanted when she saw that expression, so Felix wasn't complaining.)

She slowly shrugged, a sheepish grin forming on her face. "I...forgot."

" _Why?_ "

"I'm sorry, okay?" Rachel replied. "Plus, you can't hide away from him forever. He's family, and he told me that he really wants to see us."

"But I don't want to see Chan," Felix groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. He knew his dislike towards his cousin was childish, since it's been quite a long time since Chan had visited him and his sister. But, there was a reason he was apprehensive about his arrival (and he wasn't even talking about the fact that Chan had texted him weird and downright eerie messages just to make him scared).

Felix just didn't get along with Chan, and the older loved teasing him and embarrassing him everywhere he went when they were younger. Felix couldn't even _imagine_ what Chan would do when he came to Korea, and what he'd say to Felix's friends--

Felix had to make sure that Chan never met his friends. He especially had to make sure that Chan would never meet Changbin.

No, Chan should _never_ meet Changbin.

"Felix, I'm sorry for not telling you earlier," Rachel spoke, and Felix met his sister's eyes, looking more distraught than ever. "But, Chan's not like how he was before. You know that, right? Based on all the times that I've chatted with him, he seems like such a sweet guy now. Not like the douche of a cousin we knew back in Australia."

_But he prank texted me_ , Felix wanted to say, but he decided to keep his mouth shut. No matter what he said, it wasn't going to prevent Chan from coming to Korea. The older was stubborn, and once he put his mind to something, he wanted to finish it.

Instead, Felix sighed and nodded. "Okay."

Rachel broke the awkward silence that had settled on them for a couple of seconds, by patting Felix's arm. "Hey, do you wanna go out to get a sundae. Y'know, since today is a Sunday?"

Rachel wiggled her eyebrows, and Felix couldn't help but smile. Okay, the mention of his cousin might've slightly ruined his mood, but he couldn't say no to getting a sundae with his sister, especially since she wasn't always available due to her job and the courses she took at college.

Even though Rachel could be annoying at times, and betray him by withholding important information from him, Felix still wouldn't want another sister. He loved Rachel, and he couldn't imagine a life without her by his side, making sure that he was safe and stopping him from making decisions that would harm him later on.

 

_______

 

**Seungmin: how's it going with your sister and the whole cousin thing?**

 

**Felix: it's going fine. rachel and i are hanging out right now, btw**

 

**Seungmin: that's good. but now, i'm alone** **.**

 

**Felix: lol**  
**Felix: just hang out with jisung, hyunjin or changbin.**

 

**Seungmin: u know jisung's not available, and i dont want to third wheel hyunbin**

 

**Felix: hyunbin??**

 

**Seungmin: hyunjin + changbin, duh.**  
**Seungmin: they aren't around either, and i want to preserve the bleach for something else**

 

**Felix: wow okay**  
**Felix: hyunbin sounds...nice**

 

**Seungmin: don't tell them i made them a ship name though**

 

**Felix: i won't.**

 

**Seungmin: after you're done with your sister, can we hang out at my dorm? i'm bored and it's either you or rereading my james patterson book collection**

  
**Felix: okay, i will :)**

**Seungmin: i'm really glad you agreed!|**  
**Seungmin: i'm really glad|**  
**Seungmin: i'|**  
**Seungmin: great!**

_______

 

As Felix made his way back into the college grounds, a notification for a message popped up on his phone screen. He momentarily stopped walking when he read over the text. 

 

**Changbin: hi felix**  
**Changbin: are you doing anything rn?**

 

His heart lept in his chest at seeing Changbin's name, and the worry he'd felt for the shorter had came back tenfold. At this point, Felix couldn't even deny that Changbin affected him so much that his mood could be altered just by the shorter's presence.

 

Moving to a spot beside an empty classroom, Felix typed his reply. 

 

**Felix: uh, yeah. are you okay?**  
**Felix: you didn't seem to be in a good mood yesterday night after we...kissed.**

 

A guy that looked particularly nosy stared at Felix as he descended down the stairs, and the Australian felt uncomfortable by his stare, so he decided to head to his dorm. As he walked, he felt anxious as to how Changbin would reply him.

  
**Changbin:** **yeah i wasnt**  
**Changbin: but now i'm better! definitely :D**

Felix smiled as he unlocked the door to the dorm, and contemplated hard about what he should text back. Thoughts of Chan flew through the window, as all that mattered right now was Changbin and talking to him.

**Felix: that's good to know.**  
**Felix: do you want us to meet or anything?**  
**Felix: we can do so after i hang out with seungmin**

**Changbin: seungmin?**

**Felix: yeah. we're spending time at his dorm together**  
**Felix: and where are you anyway?**

**Changbin: oh, okay. uhh**  
**Changbin: *posts selfie***

**Changbin: im on a bus :)**

Felix almost dropped his phone. He wasn't prepared to see that selfie, not at all.

**Changbin: felix?**

**Felix: omg**  
**Felix: you can't just drop a picture of yourself on me like that!**  
**Felix: i almost dropped my phone gaajsnsba**

_Fuck_. Felix wished that he'd backspaced those messages before he sent them. He might as well just actually drop his phone now.

_Changbin is typing..._

Felix almost threw his phone across the room. He wished Jisung was around, so he wouldn't have to face this experience of intensely cringing alone.

**Changbin: lol are you okay now?**

**Felix: yeah**  
**Felix: i am**

**Changbin: okay**  
**Changbin: now i know not to send many selfies of myself**  
**Changbin: i don't want you to die haha**

**Felix: i won't die, i assure you**

**Changbin: okay**  
**Changbin: *posts another selfie***

Felix almost dropped his phone. Again.

**Felix: you have pretty eyes Felix: UEJSNSOWJDIA**

**Changbin: thanks**  
**Changbin: xD are you dead?**

**Felix: no**

Felix wasn't dead, but his cheeks might as well be, due to how much they burned.

**Changbin: i dont believe you. send me a selfie of you so i know that you're still breathing :p**

Felix could've done that, but he really didn't want to. He didn't like taking pictures of himself, and it wasn't like he had much selfies in his phone to show to Changbin.

**Felix: but you see me almost everyday**

**Changbin: please baby|**  
**Changbin: please|**  
**Changbin: please lix**

**Felix: ...**  
**Felix: okay.**

Then Felix spent so much time taking so many pictures of himself, he bet that Changbin had forgotten about his request by now.

**Felix: *posts selfie***

**Felix: that's it**  
**Felix: gosh this is so awkward**

**Changbin: you're cute**

**Felix: i'm not**  
**Felix: i'm not cute**

**Changbin: you are**  
**Changbin: beautiful and cute, i mean**

**Felix: changbin?**

**Changbin: yes?**

**Felix: i'm dead**

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on wattpad account -BBINSUAL


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